


invisible string (tying you to me)

by peraltiagox



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Smut in chapter 10, multi-chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:01:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 54,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25731034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peraltiagox/pseuds/peraltiagox
Summary: Jake needs a date to his cousin's wedding, and he ends up asking Amy Santiago—to be his pretend-girlfriend for the weekend. Through their past seasons and mistakes, the hell and missed timings, maybe there was always an invisible string tying them together-just waiting for the right time to pull them to each other.Set after "Boyle-Linetti Wedding"Inspired from the song,invisible stringby Taylor Swift.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 132
Kudos: 278





	1. time, cutting me open

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first multi-chap fic! 
> 
> Each chapter is based off of a lyric from the song _invisible string_ from Swift’s new album, _folklore_ (a poetic master-pie, btw). I feel like this song is a beautiful illustration of the pining and beginnings of Jake & Amy’s relationship. 
> 
> I adore the fake/pretend relationship trope, and I’m excited to explore it with these two dorks. I’ve seen a lot of fics with the plot centered around Jake pretending to be Amy’s boyfriend around her family & friends but I haven’t seen much for vice versa, so in this fic Amy will be pretending to be Jake’s girlfriend. It’ll give us a chance to explore Jake’s family and issues a bit more. 
> 
> I have about 12-13 chapters outlined, but it could end up being longer. It's a work in progress but I'll be updating regularly, so please stick with me! I'll be changing the rating and add tags as chapters are added, but there'll likely be smut sometime in the future ;) Without further ado, here’s _invisible string (tying you to me)_.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lyrics inspiring the first chapter:  
>  _time  
>  mystical time  
> cutting me open, then healing me fine_

Time truly was never on his side. He never got enough of it, he never could catch up with it, and when he really, actually made an effort, time would turn around and backfire—like it was mocking him. Ever since he was a little boy, he never got time with his father, and all these years he still got none of it. People never cared about him enough to spare him even a portion of their time. He know's he's become notorious for arriving late to events and meetings, he’d try—really, he would, to make it on time to the morning briefing but time always seemed to move a little faster than normal when he had somewhere to be, something important to do. And, when he needed more time, just a few extra minutes, days or weeks, time would slip past him before he even got a chance to grasp it. There were times when he thought he’d been right on time, he was sure he had a mutual understanding with the forces of time—but the universe seemed to prove him wrong again, inevitably _breaking his hear_ t. There was Sophia, just two weeks ago his heart decided that he loved her and before he knew it, the three sacred words were falling out of his mouth. And the timing was horrible, again proving him wrong. Maybe if he had waited a little longer, just another week, or several months—maybe, she would have returned the words.

Then there was Amy. Sweet, beautiful _Amy._ Timing was never on their side, never on _his_ side when it came to his feelings for the woman. When he finally worked up the nerve to ask her out on a date and all he could do was stare at her lipstick, that _stupid lipstick,_ now a symbol of how he was once again _too late_ and she was on her way out with _Teddy._ Then he was stupid enough to confess just as he was going undercover for six months. And when he finally learned that she had feelings—emphasis on _had_ —he was in a committed (loving) relationship with the lawyer. So yeah, time was real cruel to him.

And now, as he sat in the living room of his childhood home with his mother, he wondered what he ever did to deserve this, to feel empty, like the whole universe was pitted against him. But here he was again, presented with yet another situation which proved that time was simply taunting him.

“Mom, I don’t want to go.”

“I know honey, but he’s the only person you’re close to from your father’s side of the family, and it’d really mean a lot to Eli if you came.”

Jake sighs. He knows his mom was right. Eli was a cousin from Roger’s side of the family, and, the only person he was close to from the Peralta clan—including his own father. When his father left, there were days when his mom would be out working late nights or just too exhausted to cook or take care of Jake. And truly, Jake doesn’t blame her for it. While he spent a lot of time at Nana’s place and he loved his Nana, he was grateful for Eli’s parents picking him up after school up and letting him hangout with them, sometimes even staying the night. Eli’s mom—Roger’s sister, was so different from his father and she made an effort to look out for Karen and Jake after she heard that her ass of a brother left them. Eli was just two years older than him so he had some fond memories of climbing trees and playing video games with him. Eli was also someone whom he looked up to and would maybe even consider him his only childhood best friend besides Gina, of course… until he left for college and moved across the country, that is.

They lost touch over the years, but when he got a wedding invitation in the mail, he was excited for his friend and RSVP’d almost immediately. However, that was a month ago, when he and Sophia were going steady and when he had a date. She had agreed to go with him, expressing her enthusiasm to get to know his family more. Maybe that was what caused Jake to misinterpret her, thinking that she was as serious about their relationship as he was. He should’ve known better, everyone _always leaves,_ not to mention his terrible timing. So there he was now, trying to reason with his mother why he doesn’t want to spend a weekend flying all the way to LA to be with the family of the man who left him and his mom. At least if Sophia was with him, they could turn it into a mini vacation. Of course, there’s no way she was coming.

“Jake, you already RSVP’d and Eli will be disappointed to hear you aren’t coming. It’s been so long since you two have seen each other.”

“I know, mom. It’s just—”

Jake puts his head in his hands and sighs, he really hasn’t been emotionally up for any sort of social activity in the past two weeks since the break-up, and he definitely isn’t up for going to a wedding as a single man in his late-thirties. He'd honestly rather just sit alone at home and eat pizza and watch Die Hard all weekend.

“It’s been hard y’know, getting over Sophia—”

He flinches as he says her name.

“—and I just don’t know if I can spend a whole weekend dealing with people who are related to dad.” Karen opens her mouth to respond, but before she can get a word in, Jake continues talking. “Plus, I RSVP’d for two people, I’ll be going alone and I don’t want aunts and relatives I don’t even know swarming me with questions about what happened to my date, or when _I’m_ gonna get married, cause let’s be real, with my luck, that’s _never_ gonna happen.”

Karen frowns in sympathy for her only child, and her heart clenches at the vulnerability he only lets out when it’s too much for him to shoulder himself. She moves to sit by him on the couch and wraps her arms around him.

“Oh, Jake.”

“I—I, ugh, I-of course I want to go to this wedding, to support Eli at probably what is the most important day of his life, but I don’t know if I can bear to go and watch him, knowing that I could never have _that._ ”

“Hey, don’t say that you don’t know that’s true.”

Jake snorts and turns to look at her like she’s insane.

“Have you seen my luck with girls?

He straightens up, like he’s getting ready to present points supporting a theory for a case.

”Exhibit A, Jenny Gildenhorn, left me at _my_ bar mitzvah for Eddie Fung, and then the _moment_ she’s single, somehow we end up at Charles’ dad and Gina’s mom’s wedding, but guess what, she’s already making out with some rando there.”

He pauses remembering seeing Jenny kissing the dude with a four button jacket, the ache in his heart competing with the pain of Terry pulling the ring off of his finger. He winces a little in recollection, and takes a breath before continuing.

“Exhibit B, Sophia Perez, _defense attorney._ Gorgeous, likes Die Hard, and at first, willing to work through our polar opposite jobs. She was _perfect,_ but apparently too perfect for me. Mom, I really thought she felt the same about me and I just _had_ to go and pour out my heart to her, like some pathetic _fool_.”

Karen listens until he’s done speaking, even though she’s heard most of everything he’s presenting to her. Whenever Jake comes to visit her, he tells her everything that’s been going on in his life. Although he has a hard time exposing himself and his personal life to others, he seems to do it whenever he can with his mother. She knows it’s probably because he knows she won’t go and tell others, and she isn’t going to judge him for his actions. And she’s thankful that she can be there for him. And a benefit of getting to hear everything he’s going through is that she’s aware of all the girls he’s fallen for, and she knows that there’s one more he’s not mentioning.

“You done?”

Jake lifts his eyebrows and nods.

“These are great examples of why no one ever wants to stick around. I’m never finding love, or whatever.”

“Right, but let me present to you Exhibit C, to support a counterargument.”

He cocks his head clearly confused and unaware of what his mother is getting at.

“Exhibit C, Amy Santiago.”

Jake groans and rolls his eyes. Of course, Amy. He had spilled everything to his mother a week after the road trip to hell. She knew that he had liked her, before he went undercover and confessed to her once again when he returned. And, after the road trip and the double date that ended horribly, he told Karen his new discovery that _Amy liked him._

“c’mon mom.”

“No, Jake, I’m serious. It’s obvious how close you two are, you’ve been partners for so long and you know each other so well. Whether she still has feelings for you or not, which by the way, I think she does—”

“You don’t know that, you’ve never even met her.”

Karen rolls her eyes and holds out a hand to stop him from talking. 

“I don’t, but honey the way you talk about her, I know at the very least she’s gonna have your back, and _never_ leave you. Whether that means as partners on the force, or just friends, or—” she smiles at him, a hopeful smile “—maybe something more… I don’t think she’s the type of person to leave someone like you.”

Jake stares at her, trying to process everything his mother said, shaking his head hesitantly.

“okay…so what do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know, in the end it’s your decision but I think maybe this is an opportunity for you two.”

“What? So I just ask her to be my girlfriend, risk our friendship and partnership, and then _maybe_ if she says yes, which she probably won’t, she definitely doesn’t have feelings for me anymore—then casually tell her there’s a wedding that I need her to come with me to. Oh, and fun bonus the whole Peralta clan will be there!”

Karen sighs and shakes her head at her son. She loves him, and wants the best for him but sometimes he can be ridiculous and so frustrating.

“No…I’m saying maybe you just ask her to join you, you know as friends, as partners. Then who knows, maybe this will be a chance for the two of you to get to know each other and spend time with outside of work together. And if nothing ends up happening, no friendship is ruined, you know?”

“So like a test to see if we could actually be together?”

“…well, I wouldn’t put it that way, but yeah I guess so.”

Jake sits in silence as he considers his mother’s proposal and goes through a pro-con list in his head very quickly (Amy would be proud of him for making a list, she loves making lists).

Pros:

  * he has a date
  * he can see Eli
  * doesn’t have to go through the weekend alone
  * he’ll get to spend time with Amy



Cons:

  * Amy might say no
  * she probably doesn’t have feelings for him anymore
  * he might end up confessing and getting his heart broken _again_
  * this also risks their friendship.



But _maybe…_ just maybe, like his mom said, something could actually come out of this weekend. And while he’s been disappointed so many times, there is still this small sliver of hope he’s barely holding on to, so _what the hell_ , he's got nothing to lose. After running through his mental list, he nods his head and breaks the silence.

“Okay.”

Karen looks at her son and offers him an encouraging smile.

“I’ll ask her if she can come with me, under the guise of ‘girlfriend.’ I’ll tell her I really need a date and my relatives will swarm me with questions if I go alone, and so I need someone to come with me, as friends.”

And so that's how he finds himself at work, half an hour early, which for him means an hour before he usually arrives for work. Amy’s always at work 20 minutes before their shift starts. She's told him that she always wants to clean her desk and make sure she’s got all her paperwork in before the day starts, and Jake knows that in addition to needing a clean space to work, she's does it to impress Holt. The bullpen is almost empty now, with just several members of the night shift squad finishing up their work and heading out. And while the room is pretty cool, his hands are sweaty and his body is burning up in anticipation. So he sits at his desk nervously glancing at the clock, then back at the elevator doors, going through in his mind what he was about to say to Amy when she arrived. 

* * *

As the elevator doors to the bullpen open, the first thing she notices is Jake. Jake Peralta, her partner, sitting at his desk, drumming his fingers on the surface, looking at the clock and then flicking his eyes directly to hers. You’d think this would be a normal sight, something she sees everyday, but this isn’t a familiar sight for 20 minutes before their shift. The only other time he was at work this early, let alone before her—Amy-always-on-time-Santiago—was when Jimmy Brogan, author of _The Squad,_ was shadowing them on a case. She quickly snapped out of her thoughts, realizing she had stopped dead in her tracks and was staring at him. In the short walk into the bullpen to her desk she could not piece together what Jake could be doing here so early.

“Hey you, what are you doing here so early? Is there another celebrity here? Is Bruce Willis somehow in Holt’s office?”

She knew that couldn’t be true, as she flicked her gaze to Holt’s office and even the Captain wasn’t in his office yet (also, there’s no way Bruce Willis would be in the building). 

“Hah-Amy, I _WISH_ John _freakin_ Mclane were in the same building as me. That’s like my _life goal._ ”

She chuckles and goes to set her purse down, taking a seat at her desk.

“Alright then, why are you at work so early?”

“I’m turning over a new leaf, y’know, from now on I’m showing up early to work. I’m starting to eat vegetables—”

Amy rolls her eyes

“Jake—”

“Alright you got me—haha—how _do_ you do it? Waking up this early _every day_?”

“It’s not that hard, Jake. It’s called discipline and planning ahead, you should try it sometime... But anyways, you’re getting off track…”

“Okay, well the reason that—”

Jake gulps and suddenly is interested in the wall to the right of Amy’s face, clearly avoiding her gaze. For some reason, Jake-always-confident-Peralta is nervous?

“Actually, can we talk in private?”

And so just minutes later they’re in the evidence lockup. Jake hadn’t spoken on their short walk there and now he he was fidgeting with the string of his hoodie, averting his gaze to anywhere but her eyes. Amy wasn’t sure what Jake was about to say, and a part of her was worried something had happened, but she was also getting impatient. She needed to get back up and organize her desk before Holt got in.

“Jake? Is everything alright?”

He jumps a little, seemingly broken out of his thoughts. He takes one, two breaths before he directs his eyes to hers again. She lifts her eyebrows, questioning.

“Ah-uh, yeah everything’s fine, never been better, y’know just—”

“—c’mon Jake, just spit it out, you’re making me anxious.”

“Ok, ok sorry, it’s just—this is hard to say… not sure how to say this.”

_Oh._

If Amy didn’t know better, he was about to confess his feelings for her. But no, there’s no way. He was still in love with Sophia. She had heard about the break-up from Boyle and she knew he was still getting over her. But he had that same look in his eyes when he told her he liked her and _wished something could happen between them, romantic stylez-_ and then six months later, _I_ _just don’t wanna hold anything back._ Maybe—

Before she could spiral down more, trying figure out if _he still had feelings for her_ , he cleared his throat, directing her full attention back onto him. 

“So, here’s the thing. My cousin—Eli, I’ve told you about him, right?”

She tilts her head slowly, thinking. She vaguely remembers the name, but Jake doesn’t talk about his family often except how his dad, _Roger_ , left him—so she frowns a little, to show that she can’t quite remember.

“Uh, yeah well he’s the only person on the Peralta side of the family that I’m close to. Even more than my dad. We hung out a lot when we were kids, so yeah—”

She tilts her head in confusion wondering where this was going.

“Jake, is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“Huh? Oh, well no, nothing bad happened, in fact quite the opposite. Um, Eli, he’s getting married next Saturday and he invited me to attend. He actually invited me a month back and I said I’d be there since he’s a good friend and someone I haven’t seen in awhile…and—well, erm I was supposed to go with Sophia, but y’know…”

He trails off and Amy nods understandingly. He takes a deep breath.

“So now I’m left with no date, and really the only people I care about at the wedding is Eli and, well, my mom, but I see her all the time.”

He averts his gaze again, looking down at his feet.

“And, I don’t really wanna go if I’m not gonna enjoy myself and I know my aunts and relatives will be all over me asking me when _I’m_ gonna get married—which with my luck, might be _never—_ ”

He laughs nervously, looking back at her. Amy has her eyebrows furrowed now as Jake continues rambling, and she still has no clue where this is going, all she’s gotten from this is that Jake has a cousin and a wedding to attend next Saturday—not to be rude, but what does this matter to her? Either way, she lets Jake continue rambling, hopefully getting to his point soon. She glances at the clock and then back at Jake.

Jake seems to notice her slight glance and realizes that he needs to just spit it out.

“ _SO_ umm, I was wondering if you’d go with me? To the wedding? Like, as a date I guess? I mean, this isn’t me asking you out, and I don’t want it to be weird or anything but I just thought, we get along, and we have fun as friends. So I guess what I’m asking is if you’d come with me to the wedding sorta-kinda—as…my pretend-girlfriend? Just for the weekend. I’ll pay for everything and I’ll owe you big time.”

Amy just stares at Jake mouth slightly agape, slowly processing everything her partner had just said. Yeah, this was _not_ what she expected Jake to say. She did a quick rewind in her mind of what Jake just asked. One, he has a wedding to go to and has no date, two, if he doesn’t go with a date, his relatives will pester him, three, he wants her to go with him as his girlfriend—wait no, scratch that, his _pretend_ girlfriend. Oh, and four—he wants them to go as _friends._ Just as she finishes going through this short list, trying to make sense of it and organize it in her brain, Jake continues speaking.

“—and, I’ll understand if you don’t wanna come, that’s totally fine. I guess I have no one else to ask and I don’t want it to seem like I’m _using_ you just as like an accessory or something for myself, like _not that_ at all. And definitely don’t want it to seem like you’re replacing Sophia, because I’m actually glad she isn’t coming with me, it would’ve never worked out anyways—but just, I have fun when I’m around you and the weekend might be a little easier if you could come? As a friend?”

There it was again, _as a friend._ She winces a little but turns it into a smile slowly spreading into a grin.

“Aww, you have fun around me??”

She said it teasingly, and was offering an out, a way to relieve some of the tension she was definitely feeling now that he had let her in on what was going through his mind. And if she was feeling the tension, he _must_ be feeling it tenfold, but Jake only manages a slight chuckle maintaining his steady demeanor.

“Yeah, I guess I—we’ve worked together for so long and I’m comfortable around you and you’re really fun to be around. Not just as partners, but someone I'd actually hangout with outside of work.”

Amy expects him to throw a joke in or some sort of witty response to tease her, but his eyes look genuine and he has a small, hopeful smile as he looks at her. Taken aback by his response, a slight blush rises at the tips of her ears and suddenly the room is too warm for her. She takes a breath and now it’s her turn to avert her gaze away from his eyes, now piercing through her.

How bad could it be? Pretending to be Jake Peralta’s girlfriend at a huge romantic event out of state (she assumes—she doesn’t even know where the wedding is yet). She _has_ wondered and dreamed about what it’d be like to be Jake’s girlfriend, and now she gets the opportunity to pretend— _right, it’ll all be fake._ And so it’s not that she doesn’t want to, but she doesn’t want to spend a whole weekend _just pretending._ But they _are_ friends after all, great friends, so much so that they can joke about their past of liking each other. Maybe this could be good, getting to know Jake more outside of work, outside of their group of friends. Maybe this is just _the next best thing_ to being Jake’s girlfriend. Maybe—

“Y’know what, this was a stupid idea, I’ll just not go, I think I had something else going on anyways, and there’s still work—”

She can tell that he’s spiraling, rambling much faster than he was before and really, what’s the worst that could happen if she said yes? She knows from experience how stressful it can be if she were in his shoes. Amy’s extremely familiar with her parents and relatives nagging her about when she’s going to get married. And with so many brothers who have wives and kids already, she knows the pressure and frustration of being asked the same questions over and over at every. single. family gathering.

“I’ll go with you.”

He looks up at her, eyes widening. 

“Y-you-you—what? You will?”

“Yeah. I’ll go with you. Like you said, it’ll be fun, you know, going as—as, friends.”

She offers him a small encouraging smile, suddenly nervous, too.

“And—you know, I have fun around you as well. You—um, you make me laugh.”

Jake’s small smile spreads into a wide grin.

“Aww I make you laugh? you have fun around me?”

He mimics her teasing from earlier and she’s letting out a small laugh, relieving the tension a little more. After a few moments Amy glances back at the clock.

“You said it’s next weekend?”

“Oh, yeah, umm—it’s actually in Los Angeles, so we’re flying out on Thursday morning. Don’t worry about flights I already have two, well, ‘cause, um, Sophia was…”

She nods.

“Okay, I’ll go ask Holt if I can take some vacation days. I’m a week ahead on my paperwork anyways, so it should be fine.”

“Of course you are”

He’s smiling at her and then lets out a sigh of relief.

“Umm, do you wanna get dinner tonight and talk details?”

“Sure, meet at my place? I assume, from past experience that your place is probably a mess.”

“Hey! I clean! I’ve been a lot more organized than before.”

She nods, unconvinced and suddenly the room feels a lot more loose as they get back into their usual banter and teasing. 

“Uh-huh. Sure. Well, I’ve gotta head up before Holt gets in and it’s like 5 minutes til our shift starts so—”

“Yeah I know you gotta get up and clean your desk-" he chuckles knowingly, "okay, well I’ll pick up dinner and head over to yours after work, then.”

“Sounds good, Jake.”

* * *

He watches her walk out of the room and he stays back to process everything. She said yes. _She said yes._ She agreed to be his girlfriend to the wedding, and they were going to spend a whole weekend together. He leans back on one of the filing cabinets, taking a breath from all the tension that was basically choking him for the past 10 minutes. Amy Santiago agreed to be his girlfriend—wait, no—his _fake_ girlfriend for the weekend. Right, this was all _pretend,_ but still, it was something, right?

As Jake made his way back up to the bullpen, he couldn’t help but smile to himself. So maybe, just _maybe—_ for once, _time was on his side._ And call him naïve, but he was happy he held on to that sliver of hope, which quickly grew into the hope that this trip could be more than just a weekend. For now, he pushes all the doubts and past disappointments to a small corner in his mind as he lets the hopefulness fill him—and he tries to communicate to the forces that control time—

for time to watch over him

to not play games with him

to give him enough of it

but most of all,

_to heal his heart._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THERE'S CHAPTER ONE. This one and probably half of chapter 2 will be a lot of set up, but I promise there'll be more action- angst, conflict, fluff, pining (gosh, so much pining)-you name it. 
> 
> I'll be updating regularly, let me know what you think! Thanks for reading :)


	2. a string that pulled me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake opens up about his childhood, they make a binder together, preparing for the weekend ahead.
> 
>   
> _a string that pulled me  
>  out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar  
> something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire_

The craziness of the situation she’s gotten herself into doesn’t fully hit Amy until she’s back in her apartment, cleaning the little mess she has before Jake arrives. She grabs the throw blanket on the couch and folds it, organizing the living area and then moves to the kitchen to do the dishes she’d left in the sink that morning. Amy doesn’t know how she even got here, really, it isn’t like her to say yes to such ridiculous, spontaneous things, much less _pretend_ to be someone’s girlfriend at a wedding. She’s always liked to play it safe, she’s always had a plan—for her life, her job and future. And while it was only for a weekend, going to a wedding as Jake Peralta’s date was not part of her plan.

She has one week to get herself together, prepare for the worst, or the best—she isn’t sure yet. The last time Amy’s thought about her feelings for her partner was after Teddy dropped the bomb, _the real reason she’s breaking up with me is you, Jake._ And he wasn’t wrong. Amy _had_ feelings for Jake, and she still did when she ended things with Teddy. That was over a month ago when Jake was still happily dating Sophia –gorgeous, pretty, _perfect_ Sophia. But now, he was single, as of two weeks ago, which means he’s available, which means maybe she has a chance.

The thing is, Amy thinks, if Jake still had feelings for her, he would’ve _actually_ asked her out…like, as his _real_ girlfriend…right? He made it very clear that he simply needed someone to come with him, as a _friend,_ nothing more. So that’s that, then—Jake Peralta decidedly does not have feelings for her and they’ve had their missed timings of liking each other, but now they’re just good friends. And that’s okay. So pushing past her disappointment—a part of her is actually really excited that she’ll get to be Jake’s girlfriend for the weekend—something she _has_ wanted in the past, something she’s wished for, and dreamed about…

_Pretending._

_Just as friends._

**_Friends._ ** _Right._

The doorbell rings just as Amy’s placing the last mug into the dishwasher and she’s quickly drying her hands to open the door. The sight she’s met with immediately warms her heart—a wide grin plastered on the face of her immature, messy, annoying but _so kind and caring_ partner.

“Hey Amy!”

She smiles at him and lets him past her, closing the door behind them, turning to face him. He has a paper bag in hand and lifts it up to her.

“Got your favorite from the Polish place you love so much.”

“Ohmygod.”

She takes the bag from him and breathes in the familiar smell.

“It smells so good, thanks Jake.”

She turns on her heel to get plates from the kitchen, and Jake follows behind her. He starts opening the take-out boxes as she grabs two plates from the cabinet and as she turns to pass Jake the plates, Amy stops dead in her tracks as she sees the contents of the boxes.

“Jake, are those—”

“Pierogis and potato pancakes! And—”

He reaches back into the paper bag to lift out two paper cups, and she could cry right there, merely at how excited _he_ is about her favorite foods.

“—two cups of hot chocolate.”

She grabs the cup he’s offering her, taking a sip and sighing as the warmth fills her body immediately.

“Wait, how do you know my order? This is like, _all_ my favorite things.”

Amy thinks she’s probably mentioned it once or twice to him—they _have_ worked late nights together on cases. But she doesn’t think she knows _his_ favorite take-out order, unless you’d consider a bag of sour gummies and orange soda a meal (she definitely doesn’t).

He just shrugs and turns, to start dishing the food onto the plates— avoiding the way her eyes are softening, staring at him with a sort of fondness.

“You’ve talked about it before, and I just thought, this is the least I could do considering you’ll be helping me get through a weekend of extended family and friends.”

He turns around with a plate of food in each hand and smiles at her. She’s still looking at him with admiration in her eyes—Amy’s feeling something that is familiar, yet so _new._ My goodness, her child of a partner is _so thoughtful,_ just the simple act of remembering her food order has her falling for him again. Then, she’s broken out of her reverie when she registers his words— _family and friends._

“oh my god, Jake.”

She grabs a plate out of one of his hands and starts walking with determination to the living room. Jake cocks his head confused at her sudden change in pace and moves to follow her.

“Amy, what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” she scoffs sitting down, and starts to eat her food. “ _ohmygod_ this is delicious.”

She lets herself enjoy the food for a moment, as Jake stares at her in silence, waiting for her to continue. Amy looks up at him and sees him waiting in anticipation.

“Jake, you need to tell me everything about this wedding. Who’s gonna be there, how to prepare—“ Suddenly it’s like a literal lightbulb went on in her head and her eyes brighten as she sets her plate down and gets up quickly.

“Prepare..?” Jake also sets his plate down and moves to get up, still uncertain at what is going through Amy’s head.

“Wait here.”

* * *

In true honesty, Amy’s probably only mentioned her favorite restaurant and take-out order once. It was during a stake-out a year ago in the early AM’s when they were both exhausted and probably a little delirious. _I could really go for some pierogis and potato pancakes from the Polish place near here. Ooh! And a cup of hot chocolate. What’s your comfort food, Jake?_ She probably doesn’t even remember that conversation but Jake made it a point to remember it, locking it into his brain. Later that week, he found the restaurant and ever since, has had the take-out menu at his place with markings on it circling Amy’s favorite dishes.

Jake’s having a lot more fun than he’s had in a while on a weekday, and they’ve only just sat down to eat their food. Being in Amy’s apartment isn’t foreign to him, but every other time he’s been here, just the two of them, was when they were working on a case together. They would take the case to one of their apartments, bouncing theories off each other because neither of them can sleep till they make a break in the case. But now, he was in her apartment, not for a case or any work-related thing, simply to hangout and get ready for the wedding _where she was going as his girlfriend!!_ It was different from any other time he’s hung out with her and just seeing her beaming at him when she saw the food he had brought her was almost enough to heal his heart from the heartbreak from two weeks ago. It was enough to let his hopeful heart expand a little more.

Now he follows her movement as she pads over to her bedroom, confused by her sudden movements. He takes a bite of the potato pancake and it isn’t a meat supreme, display-temperature pizza from Tony’s, but it’s _Amy’s favorite,_ so he loves it. He hears some drawers opening and closing before she’s quickly shuffling down the hallway back to plop on the couch beside him.

“What’s all that?”

In her lap is a plethora of way too many stationery items. Jake can make out the empty binder, several binder tabs and what seems to be a pen case organized by color. The rest of the items, he doesn’t recognize at all.

“We’re gonna make a binder!”

She says it enthusiastically and is basically _glowing_ with excitement.

“We are…?”

“Yeah, Jake, c’mon I don’t know _anything_ about this wedding or your family, and we’re T-minus 6 days to departure—I’ve got a lot of studying to do. We need to make a binder.” 

She shifts to sit on the floor, providing her sufficient surface area to lay out her supplies. As Jake takes the view in he can’t help but smile in adoration for his partner. He always knew she was _obsessed_ with binders and that she had a binder for every seminar she’s been to, so _of course_ she needed to make one for this trip. Usually Jake would be blurting out some comment to tease her and how ridiculous she was being but truly _she_ was the one that was doing a favor for him and the least he could do was make her feel comfortable and go along with this. He sighs and moves to sit by her on the floor.

“Alright, where do we start?”

As he sits by her, their arms brush against each other and Jake stiffens a little at the physical contact, but she just turns to look at him with a wide grin.

“We’re gonna start by making a family tree!”

She moves to grab a few pieces of paper and select several pens of different colors.

“If I’m going to be meeting your extended family as your supposed girlfriend, I’m going to need to at least know their names and how they’re related to you.”

  
“Amy, you know you don’t have to do this. It’s not like we’ll be interacting much with everyone, honestly I’m only going for Eli. I can just introduce you to people when we get there—we could just play it by ear.”

“ _Play it by ear?”_ She shoots him a _are you insane_ look and it’s a little terrifying— “Jake, do you even _know me?_ I prepare for everything, and if I don’t prepare for this, something horrible is bound to happen.”

He just smiles and shakes his head and then flicks through his Facebook app to his cousin’s profile and selects a picture of him and his fiancée.

“Okay then, this is Eli, my cousin. He’s the groom and that’s the bride. I honestly don’t know her family or anyone from the bride’s side.”

Amy starts scribbling something on what looks like a colorful index card— _why would you ever need a teal-colored index card?_

“Okay, Eli Peralta…the groom. Hmm. Tell me more about him, you said you’d spend a lot of time together as a child?”

He takes another bite of his food and then sets his plate down to focus his attention on Amy.

“Yeah, erm—you know how my dad left me and my mom?”

She turns, looking at him with that soft look _again,_ sympathy now filling her in the most caring way. He _hated_ it when people would pity him whenever he mentioned his dad leaving, but the way Amy was looking at him was not pity—but something more—like she actually _cared._

“Well, uh after he left, my mom had to work more shifts and sometimes couldn’t take care of me. So a lot of days, Eli’s mom, that’s my dad’s sister…Janet”

He swipes to show Amy a picture of their family as she picks up another index card and scribbles down in perfect penmanship, _Janet Peralta._

“After school, she’d pick me and Eli up, and I’d hangout at their place. Sometimes when mom was too exhausted, they’d let me stay the night. They’re really the only people from dad’s side of the family that cared about me. We’d play outside, climb trees—that’s when I first got stung by a bee and almost died, by the way—heh, and mmm, we’d also just hangout and play video games together. I don’t know, but I’d like to think I had a semi-normal childhood because of Eli and his family. Then he graduated and moved across the country for college while I was still in high school, so we lost touch and haven’t really talked much since.”

Jake doesn’t know where all of this is coming from, he never talked this much about his family to anyone besides his own mother (who doesn’t really count, anyways). With Amy paying close attention to him—having set her pens and cards down, now staring at him and picking up her food that was set aside, Jake felt comfortable—a sort of relief as he shared everything with her.

“Y’know I’ve always wanted a big family—to have somewhere to go to for Thanksgiving and, I don't know, just things that a normal 10 year-old would have..." he smiles nervously and chuckles, "a Die-Hard themed birthday party with parents that would embarrass me and aunts & uncles who’d give me ridiculously expensive presents…just like, have huge family gatherings that I’d hate going to when I became a teenager. Typical family things.”

He pauses to take a breath and averts his eyes to avoid Amy's gaze, instead choosing to stare at the stack of index cards sitting on the floor.

“But my mom’s side of the family is pretty small and well, dad left, which meant none of his siblings stayed in contact with us—except his sister, Janet. So really, going to Eli’s house every Saturday for a movie night was the closest thing I had to having those extended family events.”

Jake stops talking and sits in silence for a while, picking at his food, before looking up at Amy to be met again with the kindest, most _beautiful_ eyes, a small smile and eyebrows furrowed. He immediately returns the smile despite how he just spent five minutes rambling about how miserable his childhood was. And immediately it doesn’t matter—everything he’s missed out on doesn’t matter because Amy Santiago is smiling at _him._ If he gets to keep Amy’s smile in his life, maybe he could be cured of his tragic upbringing.

* * *

When Jake started talking, Amy was listening purely out of excitement to gather the information they needed to make the binder. It was the same feeling she got when she started on her conflict-resolution binder from the seminar she had attended a month ago. The feeling of starting a new project, having to plan for something coming up, working out the details and making sure she memorized everything— _this_ was what fired her up, it gave her life. And starting this new project with Jake made the upcoming weekend just a little less intimidating than it was looking out to be. She was intent on getting all the information she needed on Jake’s family, and spending the next few days memorizing their names and each of their relations to him. But when Jake started talking about his cousin, and about why he had spent so much time with Eli, her heart broke a little. While it put a smile on her face to imagine a wild, little Jake with messy curls running around and climbing trees, her heart felt heavy for the childhood he had to experience—he didn’t deserve this. He deserved to be cared for, loved, and cherished. He deserved family thanksgivings, he deserved to be spoiled by aunts and uncles, he deserved a Die-Hard themed birthday party ( _mental note: have the squad throw him one on his next birthday_ ). 

She was taken aback by his vulnerability—something she hasn’t really seen from him. Jake’s the type of person that makes jokes to cover up his emotions, he’s always the first to comment on something to lighten the mood, relieves tension through teasing. Amy knows how much he hates talking about his feelings or sharing anything about his family—so when he started going on about his childhood and upbringing, Amy instinctively abandoned her pens and index cards—binder forgotten ( _almost_ —there’s no way Amy would _forget_ about the binder, the point is her full attention was on the man sitting next to her now). She wishes she could go back in time and shield Jake from all the hurt he had to go through. She wishes she could slap Roger Peralta in the face and tell him to get his shit together because he’s _ruining_ his only son’s childhood. She knows she can’t do that, but what she can do is be there for her thoughtful, kind-hearted partner right now.

Once he finishes talking, she waits a minute to offer him space if he wants to say anymore, then she reaches to place a hand on his shoulder and smile at him.

“Jake…”

He flinches only slightly under her touch, and tries to return the smile, as it dawns on him the weight of what he’s just spilled out to her.

“Sorry…um, god I didn’t mean to say all that. I—I’m sorry I just dumped all of that on—”

She knows him well enough that he’s going to start spiraling in a burst of apologies and regret.

“Jake—don’t apologize. Don’t. You don’t have to be sorry. It is _not_ your fault that you didn’t get the childhood you deserved, and your father is _such a dick_ for leaving you to have to suffer through this. So don’t apologize for that."

Jake lets out a sigh and looks directly into Amy’s eyes—his eyes are sad, face so raw with emotion, and now that she can see his eyes, she thinks there are tears forming, glistening at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill out at any moment.

“I just—it’s just that—well, I haven’t told anyone this before. I mean, you know…I’ve mentioned my dad but I haven’t really talked to anyone about how much it’s affected me? And I guess it wasn’t till later in middle school when I got invited to other kids’ birthday parties that I realized, I would never have that. And since then, I’ve just never talked about it, never really put into words what I wish I had, what I missed out on—that maybe if I didn’t have such a shitty dad, I would be less broken—less like _this._ ”

He gestures at himself, and Amy’s heart drops and she frowns at the very fact that Jake would blame _himself_ for having an awful childhood— “Jake, you’re not broken. You’re not any less lovable because you’ve had a horrible dad—you had a _horrible_ dad, and that’s that. It has nothing to do with you and who you are. Because the Jake Peralta I know is thoughtful, caring, funny, a great detective, partner—and—a great friend.”

Jake cocks his head and smiles a little more.

“You think I’m a great detective?”

Amy smirks and pushes his shoulder teasingly.

“Of course. But I didn’t say you were the _best._ ”

He laughs at that and then looks at her seriously, but this time he doesn’t have that sad look in his eyes, but something else— _fondness? adoration?_

“Ames—” _Ames—_ he’s only used that nickname a few times and it’s been unique to him. Only Jake ever calls her that and it makes her heart flutter a little. _Damn_ her heart was doing a lot of things tonight. 

“—this was probably not what you were expecting to do, I mean _you’re_ the one doing me a favor and here I am pouring out my childhood trauma onto you—I’m so—”

Before he can get another apology out, Amy quickly grabs both his hands in hers and squeezes. He flinches a little and Amy swears she feels what the authors of romantic novels would call a _spark._ When really, his hands are clammy and hers are stained with the black marker she was writing with, but as he squeezes back, she swears she feels the spark flow right through the rest of her body, making her shudder a little.

“Jake, never apologize. Don’t you dare apologize. _I’m_ sorry that you’ve kept all this in for all these years, that it’s been something you haven’t verbalized, and I just want you to know that I’m here for you, right now, this weekend, and even after it. If you ever want to talk about anything—I’m here.” She smiles, glancing over at the pile of papers on the floor, then adds, “and as for the binder—we can continue this tomorrow. We’ve still got time till—”

Jake removes his hands from hers and _she_ flinches at the loss of contact but then he’s reaching over her and picking up a pen and the same teal-colored index card she was writing on earlier.

“Nope—no, there’s no way are we delaying the _binder._ ” He smirks at her then goes to start scribbling a name onto an index card, handing it to her. “This is my first time ever making a binder and—”

“—YOU’VE NEVER MADE A BINDER? _Who are you?"_

Jake laughs and rolls his eyes.

“—do you even _know me?_ ” Jake snorts, echoing her statement from earlier, “—I _never_ prepare for things, I’m just eyes closed, head first, can’t lose. So yeah I’ve never made a binder or anything—but I’m about to learn from the best. I know you’re dying to tell me all about the charts and I don’t know, color coding, binder tabs…”

She smiles, and she’s soaring at his sudden interest in binders.

“So, tell me—what information do you need from me? Amy Santiago, we’re about to make the _best binder_ in the history of binders.”

At this, she breaks into a huge grin, quickly grabbing more index cards and pens, handing them to him.

“Okay, wow, this is so exciting –you start writing the names of everyone in your family. Then we can put it on…”

They spend the next hour writing, cutting out pieces of paper and talking about his family, and most importantly, Amy excitedly shows Jake how to make a binder, what every binder must include and how to organize the binder by tabs and colors. She laughs as he shares more light-hearted stories about him and Eli, he talks about his mom, whom Jake obviously cares about and loves, he talks about the few other guests that he knows will be there. He shows her the venue, the hotel they'll be staying at and they research things to do around the area. The conversation is so natural and comfortable, it's like they've done this before.

After they’re finished, Amy flips through the binder and there’s scraps of paper scattered around them and she’ll probably have to dust and vacuum tomorrow but she smiles at her first _collaborative_ binder.

“So—what’s the verdict, Ames? Is this the best binder you’ve ever made?”

She looks at him and smiles. In truth, she’s sure she’s made binders that are better than this- the inconsistency of his messy handwriting combined with her perfect strokes make it a bit tacky, but the process of putting it together is definitely the most fun she’s had making a binder. So she nods, speaking softly.

“Yeah—it’s definitely the best one—”

He pumps a fist up and grins.

“—but, we’re not done yet.”

“What are you talking about? We have a table of contents, we even printed _pictures_ of my family and looked up activities to do at the hotel, that’s more planning than I’ve ever done…like, ever.”

“Jake, we don’t have a title page for the binder. A binder isn’t complete without a title.”

“oh…”

He looks at her, thinking. And she grins, passing the binder, setting it on his lap and then reaches for another piece of paper and markers.

“So, what’s it gonna be. What should we title this binder?”

Jake seems to be deep in thought, eyebrows drawn together, taking this task very seriously.

“What about… _Jake and Amy’s guide to tricking people they’re dating._ No, that’s too long. Umm.. _Jake’s first binder…_ nope super off topic… _LA Trip—_ ew, no, too basic.”

Amy just stares at him as he runs through several ideas, laughing at some ridiculous ones.

“Ooh! What about… _Jake and Amy’s Epic Weekend Getaway!”_

And Amy’s about to tell him that they’re just going to a wedding, this isn’t a getaway or crazy adventure, it isn’t the title of a movie—just a few days in LA with his family, but he’s so sure of the title she doesn’t dismiss it, simply going with their usual light teasing— “epic getaway?” she snorts as she goes to uncap her marker.

“Yeah! Ames, it’s gonna be epic. I was _dreading_ going alone and being surrounded by family and family friends, but now _you’re_ gonna be coming and it’s gonna be _epic._ ”

“Alright, then…”

She writes it onto the paper, then passes it to Jake who slips it into the slot at the front, then takes a moment to look and just admire it.

“Amy, this is the best binder I’ve ever made.”

“It’s the only one you’ve ever made, idiot.”

“Yeah, but it’ll be the best one I make, including all the binders I make in the future.”

He stands up, and she follows him.

“So, it’s late, I should get going.” She nods, taking the binder from him as he makes his way to the door. “And—um, Ames, thanks again. For listening to me talk, and for just being there for me. I guess, I didn’t know it but I really needed that.”

“Of course, Jake. As I said, anytime— and, uh, thanks for making the binder with me.”

“haha, I never knew making a binder could be so fun. Maybe I should plan for things more often—nah, too much work. But really, thanks for jumping on this last minute, ridiculous thing to pretend to be my girlfriend at this wedding, you’re a good friend. I'm glad you're coming.”

She just smiles as he puts his jacket on, slips on his shoes, turning to look at her once more.

“I’ll see you at work tomorrow? And, I’ll email you the flight details later so you can print it out and add it to the binder.”

“Alright, sounds good Jake, see you.”

Amy stands there staring at the door even after it's shut and Jake’s been gone for several minutes. She turns around to look at the mess in her living room, and while his voice _you’re a good friend—_ friend, and nothing more than that—plays in her head, she can’t help but smile, glancing down at the binder still in hand, and reading the words on the front, she goes to clutch it against her chest.

Maybe this weekend _will_ be epic, like Jake said. And it doesn’t matter that she’s just a _good friend._ What matters is that Jake _wants_ her to be there, and that _because_ she’s there, it’ll be _epic._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, so I didn't mean for this chapter to be so full of emotion and become a hurt/comfort chap, but here we are. They'll be heading to LA next chapter and there'll be a lot more action aka more opportunities for pining and conflict. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you think so far! Kudos & comments are much appreciated <3


	3. no compasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make their way to LA, Amy falls a little more for her partner, Jake screws up. 
> 
>   
> _time  
>  curious time  
> gave me no compasses_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE PINING AND FLUFF and just two idiots who are hopelessly falling more for each other-featuring thoughtful Amy and nervous Jake.

**From Amy Santiago:** So our flight is at 9:37AM, which means we should probably try to get to JFK around 6:30.

**To Amy Santiago:** whaaat? we defs don’t need to get there 3 HOURS before our flight!  
**To Amy Santiago:** let’s just get there at 8AM, that’ll still give us plenty of time…

**From Amy Santiago:** Have you ever flown before? You can’t arrive ONLY 90 mins before departure! Are you crazy!??

**To Amy Santiago:** we don’t even have baggage to check in!! trust me Ames, we’ll be totally fine

**From Amy Santiago:** No, we can use the extra time to go through the binder once more. I think I’ve studied enough, but you can never be too prepared for a test.

**To Amy Santiago:** NERD. Ames, this isn’t a test you’ll be fine don’t worry cmon pleezee 6am is too earlyyyy

**From Amy Santiago:** It’s better to be safe than sorry  
**From Amy Santiago:** Although, I could just NOT show up. Just ditch you to go to the wedding as a sad single man in his late-thirties.

**To Amy Santiago:** AMY!!  
**To Amy Santiago:** YOU WOULDN’T  
**To Amy Santiago:** AMYYY NOOO

**From Amy Santiago:** Pick me up at 6AM sharp or I won’t go to LA with you.

That’s how Jake finds himself in the departures hall at 7:15 AM, already through security, half awake and eyes heavy, as the woman beside him chats excitedly about how she’s memorized every person in his family. After threatening to ditch him, and leave him alone to face the weekend, Jake could not sleep— he didn’t trust himself to wake up on time. He wasn’t sure if Amy was just joking about the threat, or if she was being serious, but Jake decided there was too much at stake and he couldn’t risk it—hence, the extreme fatigue he was currently battling. But now as he’s listening to her voice, as she explained why she _always_ arrived at airports so early—he decides that he’d wake up at 6AM everyday if he got to wake up to her voice.

“I just love watching a TBD turn into a gate num. It’s just so satisfying.”

She’s smiling at him and eyeing the screen they’re sitting in front of. So, Jake smiles back, thoroughly entertained by how she gets excited about the weirdest things that he’d never pay attention to, before Amy.

“Hmm—you’re such a dork.”

She laughs and hits him playfully.

“Whatever, I stand by my early arrival. I’d probably have a heart attack if we missed our flight.”

Jake just chuckles as she reaches into her purse to pull out—

“You _actually_ brought the binder?”

“Yeah, of course I did—we have a few hours till the flight, and, if I forget anything during the weekend, I can just go back and study it.”

“Ames, don’t worry so much, you’re gonna be fine—everyone’s gonna love you. I’m pretty sure you know more about my family than I do—”

He watches as she flips through the binder and a page catches his eye.

“Wait—are those my mom’s dental records?”

Her eyes widen and quickly shuts the binder, heat starting to rise in her cheeks.

“No! No- uh—um –okay, yes okay you caught me. It’s just—I did a little more research on your mom because—‘cause you seem close to her, like she’s important to you so, I wanted to make sure I’m prepared to meet her…” she trails off, now blushing furiously, hugging the binder to her chest and avoiding Jake’s gaze. And Jake really could make fun of her more and throw in another witty comment that’s at the tip of his tongue but that was honestly one of the most thoughtful things that anyone has done for him and the way Amy’s embarrassed by it is truly one of the most endearing sights.

“Ames—that—that’s so thoughtful. I’m sorry you had to spend your free time doing all this research. But honestly, my mom’s going to love you no matter what—oh, and also I should’ve told you but, my mom actually knows…”

She tilts her head to look at him.

“She knows… you know, that we’re not—” he gestures between them “—that we aren’t _actually_ dating, that you’re just coming as my fake girlfriend and all that.”

“Oh, she does?”

“Yeah, I guess—you’re right, my mom is important to me which means I tell her everything—so she basically knows everything that goes on in my life.”

Amy smiles at him and for 7 in the morning, she is _glowing,_ and so beautiful.

“That’s really sweet, Jake. I’m excited to meet her.”

Jake smiles back and wonders what it would be like if Amy _really_ was his girlfriend, and meeting his mom for the first time. Of course, Karen already knows that Jake has a major crush on her, but what if this was for real? The two most important people in his life meeting each other—the image warms his heart and puts a smile on his face, something he never would’ve thought would make him so happy. But then that image is quickly shattered when he remembers that to Amy, this is all pretend, and Jake will probably never get to be one of _her_ most important people.

“Jake! Look!!”

This devastating thought is short-lived and interrupted by an excited Amy grabbing his arm and eagerly pointing at the departures screen. And sure enough, the “TBD” by their flight number is turning into a gate number.

“Isn’t it _so satisfying?”_

Jake chuckles and goes to grab her carry-on, setting his duffel on top of it as she slips the binder back into her purse.

“You’re right, Ames—that was _the best_ thing I’ve ever seen.”

And he’s joking, obviously, but also _not,_ because seeing her so excited really might just be the best thing he’s ever seen.

* * *

It’s about another hour and half until they’re finally boarding and Amy’s getting increasingly nervous about the weekend and what it could hold. To Jake, she explains that she’s just nervous about meeting his family, and being around people she doesn’t know for a whole weekend—but really, that’s only half true. She has it down, she knows everything there is to know about each family member and has done, what she would define as extra-credit homework on Karen Peralta. So, in truth, that nervousness is just a mask, to cover up the _real reason_ that she’s nervous— _Jake._ Or, really, having to pretend to be Jake’s girlfriend. She’s already enjoyed getting to know more about him, spending time with him making the binder the other day, in addition to their regular (flirty) teasing and banter. It’s all been _so natural_ and so much fun. So much so that she’s afraid that she’ll slip up and say something that’ll cause things to be awkward between them—like admit her feelings or something stupid like that. She’s also afraid that she’ll be sucked up into the _Jake Peralta Boyfriend Experience_ as he proudly mentioned to her, and that she’ll fall even harder for him. Goodness, she’s already fallen hard for him—so, yeah—Amy’s hella nervous.

Once they settle into their seats on the plane Amy can’t help but notice Jake being fidgety—well, he’s always fidgeting with _something—_ but now he’s _extra fidgety_ and his knee is shaking up and down, eyes constantly flicking around their surroundings. Looking at the screen, the stewardess, back to his knees. And it’s enough to make Amy worried, so she places a hand on his knee and trying get his attention.

“Jake?”

He jerks his head towards her, and flinches a little at her touch.

“You okay? You seem—anxious?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good—it’s all good-y’know, just chillin here—”

Classic Jake avoiding answering the question.

“Jake.” and, a classic Amy _I know you’re avoiding the question and I’m not gonna let it go till you tell me—_ tone which always gets him to talk.

He sighs.

“Uhh-well, I just— it’s kinda embarrassing…”

“Jake, you really don’t have to be embarrassed about anything. I’m your _girlfriend_ for the next few days, remember? You can tell me anything.”

She winces a little as she says girlfriend, but her heart flutters a little as well, a cocktail of nervousness, happiness and sadness filling her.

Jake sighs.

“Right, yeah. Um…I guess so, well—it’s just that I-I get anxious on planes.”

Amy tilts her head confused, Jake isn’t the type of person to get nervous on airplanes. She’s pretty sure she’s heard him say that he wants to save the city by jumping off a helicopter and “Die Hard” off a building. She didn’t think he’d be about riding an airplane.

“Jake, it’s alright, it’s safe and I’m sure—”

“—oh no, not like in that way” he chuckles softly, taking a shaky breath, “I’m fine riding airplanes, I guess, airplanes just bring back bad memories? Like, ‘cause my dad’s a pilot and a lot of the women he’s slept with—that he’s—um, cheated on my mom with, are airline stewardess.”

Amy sighs and sadness fills her heart as she tries to think of what to say, how to show him that she cares about him and that he has nothing to worry about because his father isn’t here and it’s just them—and words fail her, so she simply moves her hand that was resting on his knee, to rest on his hand. And he responds by turning it and intertwining their fingers. She looks up at him to see not eyes of sadness or hurt, not ones of betrayal or abandonment—but ones of pure affection and love, vulnerable and open. Amy tries to look past how this is probably the most intimate moment that they’ve shared, and instead focus on comforting him, you know, as a friend, as her duty as his fake girlfriend.

“Jake—I-I’m so sorry, that really sucks. And, I wish—I wish that things were better for you.”

She rubs her thumb softly against his knuckle and he relaxes into her touch.

“I know, things sucked and weren’t so great and I wish it was better too—but, things _are_ better now.”

She smiles at him and somehow through unspoken words, they both know that he isn’t just talking about his abandonment issues or his jerk father. And, maybe he could be referring to this moment they’re sharing –it’s all unspoken, nothing directly communicated—but Amy lets herself cherish this moment.

Jake hadn’t brought up his dad again since the night he arrived at her doorstep with her favorite food, and Roger Peralta’s the only person that didn’t make it into the binder. It’s not like she knew much about his father before this week (besides the fact that he left Jake and Karen)— but a part of her wondered if he would be at the wedding, and when the last time Jake saw him was. Her heart broke for her partner and the absent-father life he had to live through, that he was still living in—and _god_ , she couldn’t imagine a life without _her own_ father. Her father was her rock, her role-model, the person that taught her how to replace a tire, how to stand up for herself and how to chase after her dreams. So, to grow up without that, even more so as a son—Amy was suddenly filled with overwhelming sympathy for Jake. She finally understands why he jokes around so much, why he chooses to mask his emotions, why he leaves one foot out the door when talking about his feelings. _He’s afraid that everyone will leave him._ That if he gets too close, if he lets too many people in, they’ll end up leaving him— _just like his father did_.

Upon this realization, Amy vows to _never leave him_. Even if that means remaining as friends, and nothing more. She knows what she really wants is to tell him how much she cares for him, how much she wants something to happen between them—but that would risk their friendship, it would risk having to _leave him._ And she can’t do that. She won’t let that happen. 

By the time Amy decides to say something, curiosity getting the best of her, they’ve taken off and are cruising at 30,000 feet, hands still intertwined.

“Jake…”

He turns and looks at her, also seeming to be deep in thought.

“Will your dad be at the wedding?”

She says it softly, so cautiously that Jake barely hears it over the loud white noise in the cabin. But he hears her and seems to catch on her careful tone.

“It’s okay Ames, you don’t have to tread lightly on the topic of my dad—I—it’s nice to have someone to talk about it.” He smiles at her and squeezes her hand which immediately releases all the anxiety and tension.

“I don’t think so. My mom would’ve told me if he was attending, and I doubt he’s kept in touch with any of his siblings, and he’s probably fucking some airline stewardess in Canada or something, so…”

A yawn interrupts him so Amy just nods and sits up in her seat.

“Jake, you’re so tired—you should get some sleep before we land.”

“No-no, I’m fine, we should watch a movie or some—” another yawn cuts him off and Amy laughs.

“C’mon, I know you didn’t get any sleep last night, and I kinda feel bad for threatening to ditch you so here”

She gestures to her shoulder.

“You let me have the window seat—” she smiles shyly as she tugs on his hand pulling him down, adjusting her shoulder to meet his head leaning down.

“Sleep, Jake. I promise I’ll wake you up when we’re about to land.”

She closes her eyes as well and smiles, trying to keep her breaths even as she feels Jake’s adorable curls (she’d never admit that to him, though) tickle her neck, and surprisingly, even with the weight of his head resting on her, she feels a lot lighter, a lot more relaxed—like the space on her right shoulder was made for Jake, and for him only. 

* * *

Talking about Roger Peralta was never a comfortable thing for Jake. He always tried to avoid the topic at all costs, not wanting to have to explain himself or, God forbid, talk about his emotions. He hated talking about emotions. He went through most of his life just repressing the hell out of it. _Until Amy._ Somehow the woman brought in an aura of comfort and peace. She always responded with all the right words, she looked at him like she cared, and she made him laugh. Amy eases the tension when necessary, and she doesn’t make fun of him when he opens up. It’s all new to him, but Jake’s quite fond of it already.

As sleep falls upon him and he can’t fight it any longer, he finds himself accepting Amy’s offer to use her shoulder as his pillow and suddenly he doesn’t want to sleep anymore. He wants to feel everything. He wants to consciously take note of how Amy’s shoulder feels under his face. How soft her skin feels, how she smells like coconuts and something sweet. How she caresses his hand with her thumb—how their fingers fit so perfectly together. He wants to remember each feeling and exhaustion is getting the best of him, but he manages one more whiff of her scent before he falls asleep.

“Jake—Jake!!”

His eyes open slowly as he feels a hand on his knee and it takes him awhile to register his surroundings when he realizes that there are people towering over him, lifting bags and shuffling around the small space. He turns his head to look at Amy’s face—which from this angle is _so close,_ and his breath hitches as he moves to rub his eyes.

“We’re here.”

“We-we landed?”

She giggles and she’s smiling brightly at him.

“I wanted to wake you up earlier when the stewardess came around with snacks, but you looked so tired—however —” she reaches into her purse and pulls out something Jake immediately recognizes as—

“Sour gummies!!!”

“I got this for you, ‘cause, well, despite the artificial sugar and how it’ll probably rot your teeth—I know you like them.” She passes it to him and he immediately opens it and starts eating.

“Mmmh –wait, but aren’t snacks like these super expensive—like, overpriced on airplanes?”

Amy immediately blushes and lifts her hand to rub her neck nervously.

“Erm—yeah, but I guess, you’re—I-it was worth it?”

His heart blossoms as he hears the implied words: _you’re worth it._ And he lifts up one gummy worm to her.

“Nope, no way I’m not eating one of those.”

“C’mon Amy! A celebratory gummy worm! You got me through a whole plane flight without freaking out—we should celebrate!!”

She smiles affectionately at him.

“Fine…just one. BUT, if I even have one cavity next time I go to the dentist, it’s your fault.”

“Just eat it, Ames.”

The next two hours is a blur of getting off the plane, through the crowded airport, renting a car and driving to the hotel. The venue is out of the city by the beach, right by the water and under the perfect California sun. It’s quiet, gorgeous and _intimate—_ if Jake didn’t know any better, it was almost like it was made for a _romantic getaway._ Which would be perfect if he and Amy were actually a couple.

* * *

It’s still early in the afternoon as they pull up to their hotel, but Amy is wiped out. She didn’t get much sleep on the plane, due to spending most of the flight listening to Jake’s soft snores, and trying not to freak out that Jake Peralta was sleeping _on her._ She tried to distract herself by studying the binder, but she basically had that thing memorized by now and all she could think about was how much she wished this were real. That this could be her forever.

As they walk into the lobby Jake reaches to grab her hand and intertwine their fingers, Amy’s startled at first but relaxes into it, looking up at him.

“We’re supposed to be dating, right?”

She grins and squeezes his hand.

“Yeah, we are.”

She decides that she’s going to take every opportunity to hold Jake’s hand this weekend. The way that they mold so perfectly together is something she’s never experienced before and it makes her smile like an idiot holding a boy’s hand for the first time. And Amy doesn’t care.

“I have a room under Jake Peralta—”

“Jake!!”

Amy whips her head from their position standing at the front desk to the loud voice and as she directs her eyes towards the source of the sound, she immediately recognizes—

“Mom!”

Jake lets go of Amy’s hand and she immediately feels cold, but then smiles as he walks over and gives his mom a hug. She takes in the image of Jake next to his mother—Karen, and then follows to join them.

“And you must be Amy!”

Amy’s overwhelmed by her enthusiasm and the hug that follows, but she’s _such_ a teacher’s pet that she can’t help but feel proud as she already seems to have Karen’s approval. Not that she _needs_ her approval or anything, but it still feels good.

“It’s so good to finally meet you, Amy!”

Jake laughs and moves back to stand by Amy, this time wrapping his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him, and Amy would be lying if she said she didn’t like it, so she reciprocates by wrapping her arm around his waist.

“It’s good to meet you too, Mrs. Peralta—I-I’ve heard a lot of great things about you from Jake.”

“Oh, honey, please call me Karen-and me as well, I’ve heard many great things about you—Jake said you were beautiful, and he really wasn’t lying. It’s nice to put a face to a name.”

Amy’s sure she’s blushing furiously, _Jake said she was beautiful?_

“Mom…stop”

Amy looks up at him and sees that he’s also blushing, and her heart is stuttering and words stuck in her throat—but thankfully she doesn’t have to respond because another woman—one that Amy doesn’t recognize from the binder walks up right next to Karen.

“Oh! Lucy—um, you remember Jake right? From when he was much smaller?”

The woman smiles and nods. She’s blonde and beautiful—older, around Karen’s age and apparently knew Jake as a child.

“Jake, you probably don’t remember but Lucy was a good friend of mine after your father left, and she helped me get through a lot. She also babysat Eli when he was younger, and knew his parents, so when I found out she was coming to this wedding I was so excited—it’s been almost a decade since we’ve seen each other!”

Karen is glowing with excitement and Amy sees where Jake gets his smile and cheerful, excited personality from.

“Hi Lucy, it’s nice to meet you—I’m glad you and mom get to catch up.” Jake reaches forward to shake her hand “oh, and this is Amy,” Amy takes that as her cue to reach and shake Lucy’s hand as well—“my girlfriend.”

As she moves her hand back, she falters a little as he says the words out loud. They’ve been talking about this for the whole week, she really shouldn’t be that affected by it. But just hearing it presented out loud from Jake’s mouth to a third party, to people they were trying to trick, that was something else. She had a whole binder that should have prepared her for this, but all of a sudden she was feeling very _unprepared,_ a feeling that was foreign to Amy Santiago.

“Well it’s nice to meet you, Amy, and Jake it’s good to see you again—the two of you make a cute couple.”

Amy just smiles nervously, _yep she was definitely not prepared for_ this, because in just a matter of seconds so much was happening—Jake had his arm around her, he had told his mom he thought she was beautiful, and now they were a _cute couple._ It was a lot to take in all at once. Karen’s voice brings her out of her reverie and she seems to be speaking in a less enthusiastic tone.

“So Jake, I wanted to remind you tonight we have—"

“—the Peralta family dinner, I know mom, we’ll be there. Don’t worry.”

Although the wedding wasn’t until Saturday afternoon, they decided to arrive on Thursday to attend some family activities, and take opportunity of the warm weather and the gorgeous beach that they were staying at. Amy had also done some extra research on things to do around the area, which could end up being a lot of fun but she wonders if it'll be too close to what normal people would call a _date._ Then again, none of what they were doing here in LA as partners was _normal,_ and so, while she had to take time off work, _which she loved,_ she was happy to be spending the time off with Jake.

Karen nods and smiles at her son.

“Yeah and—we—I need to tell you someth—”

“Jake Peralta?”

Jake and Amy turn towards another voice to see the hotel clerk gesturing towards them.

“Oh! Well, we should probably head to our rooms to freshen up and rest before the dinner. Mom, we can catch up during the dinner?”

Karen smiles at him. “Sure honey, I’ll see you both there.”

“Great—it was nice to meet you, Lucy. Ames, you wanna head up?”

Amy tightens her grip around his waist and nods.

* * *

Jake is screwed—he’s _so fucking screwed._ He was in charge of booking their rooms and figuring out the logistics, and in hindsight he should’ve given the task to Amy— but she was already doing so much with figuring out the flights and transportation, he wanted to do something. Oh, but he’s fucked up, majorly.

“Oh god, Ames I’m so sorry, I—I thought I had, I didn’t even think about—when I originally booked it—I—”

“Jake, it’s fine, we can call the desk and see if they can switch rooms.”

“Right, smort.”

Jake quickly drops his duffel and goes around the _one bed,_ the _only_ bed in the room—to grab the phone and dial the front desk.

“Hi—um, I was wondering if we would be able to switch rooms, to one that’s that has two beds instead of one big one?”

The man on the other end seems to be typing something on his computer and Jake can feel heat rising in his cheeks, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants as he nervously waits for a response, hopefully one of good news. Because Jake was in charge of hotel logistics and _he_ forgot to check if their room had two beds or one. Honestly, he didn’t think about it because I mean, he’s never had to think about it—whenever he was at a hotel, he didn’t have to share a bed with someone else. And, if he did, it was with a girlfriend—which was the plan when he first booked it—with _Sophia._ And, _technically_ that’s what Amy was supposed to be now, with the catch that she actually really wasn’t his girlfriend.

“I’m so sorry sir, there doesn’t seem to be any other rooms with two beds available. There are other rooms available but they all only have one queen-sized bed. If there’s any problems with the bed we can…” 

Jake doesn’t remember the rest of what the man said, or if he even responded but he’s hanging up slowly looking at Amy.

“What’d he say?”

“There aren’t any available. I’m sorry Ames, I should’ve thought about this—I—I fucked up.”

“Jake, it’s fine, don’t worry you didn’t fuck this up, this isn’t your fault…”

“Umm…well there’s other rooms like this one available—we could sleep in separate rooms if you’d be more comfortable with that?”

“No Jake don’t be silly, and what if one of your relatives sees us going to separate rooms? Plus, this is a nice room. It’ll be fine”

It _was_ a nice room. There was a balcony that overlooked the beach, enough closet space for the both of them (not that Jake was going to unpack or anything), and a couch—

“Couch! I can sleep on the couch!”

Jake must look really desperate and stressed because Amy just comes over to the side of the bed where Jake has sat down defeated, and she places a hand on his shoulder.

“Jake—”

He’s staring at his palms and flicking his gaze to anywhere but her.

“—it’s okay. Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t have to be awkward or uncomfortable. We’ve been partners forever, and we’re adults. It isn’t uncomfortable for me if it isn’t for you.”

Jake is still freaking out, how could Amy be so calm? She’s taking it so well, they literally have to _share a bed_ for three nights! Jake doesn’t know if he can survive that. Then he remembers that _she’s_ the mature one in this partnership and he needs to get his shit together and calm down. He takes a breath and turns to look at her.

“It isn’t for me. Sorry Amy, for freaking out—you’re—I guess you’re right, it’s only awkward if we make it awkward.”

“Right, don’t worry about it okay, Jake?”

She stands up and goes to open her suitcase and starts to unpack.

“So, I’m _exhausted._ I didn’t sleep on the plane so I’m gonna nap for a bit.”

She slips into the bathroom to take out her contacts and as she comes back out, he’s still sitting at the edge of the bed staring at his hands.

“Hey Jake? You okay?”

He looks up to look at her as she makes her way towards the other side of the bed.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I’m cool. I—thanks for doing this Amy, and for being cool about the bed and for just—for being here.”

“Of course, Jake”

She smiles and tucks herself in to the bed, and Jake gets up to go shower. As he looks back towards the bed, the sight he’s met with takes his breath away. Truly, it’s just a simple image—Amy’s body curled up on the bed, her brown hair splayed out, and a hand clutching the pillow—the same hand that he held the whole flight here, the same hand that circled around his waist in the hotel lobby— _oh god. Yeah, Jake was screwed—he was so fucking screwed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the beginning!! I have about 12 chapters total (possibly more) planned out with more pining and conflict. Let me know what you guys think so far!


	4. chains around my demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy meets Jake's family, and Jake encounters his worst nightmare.
> 
> _something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire  
>  chains around my demons  
> wool to brave the seasons_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH it's been so long. I hit a wall, was really lacking motivation and could not write anything I liked. But I'm back, and here's some angst for you!

“So, are you excited to see your family?”

They were currently driving to the restaurant and for the most part, it had been a quiet drive with nothing but the soft radio and Jake drumming his fingers against the steering wheel to fill the silence. In all honesty, Jake hadn’t thought much about how he was about to see almost all his extended family for the first time in a while. Really, the only thing he could think about ever since leaving their hotel room was how _damn gorgeous_ Amy looked in her dress. It wasn’t even anything that fancy—a modest white floral summer dress and a beige thin cardigan on top. It was simple and nothing to get excited about, but she also had her hair down and the combination of all of that plus her already beautiful face was really distracting Jake. He’s always been used to seeing her in pantsuits and hair up in a pony tail, which Jake secretly admits she’s the only one who could rock that every day—but, it’s such a contrast to what she’s wearing now, and it’s all he can think about.

He glances at her as he realizes that she just asked him a question, shaking him out of his reverie.

“Huh? Oh, umm…I don’t know, I guess a little? I’m not psyched about it—I don’t hate them as much as I do my dad, but I’m also not super close to anyone. I am excited to see Eli, but that’s it really.”

“Hmmm…so you’re not even excited to see your Aunt Linda?”

She smiles at him and he groans now regretting telling her about how his Aunt Linda would always try and set him up with one of her friends’ daughters – and every time she would call him, he’d so happen to be single and would go on about how he needed to _expand the Peralta clan_ or whatever.

“Well, that’s what you’re here for. To protect me from Aunt Linda.”

Amy laughs and leans her head against the window.

“Oh, I didn’t realize I was playing the role of your bodyguard tonight.”

“Ames, I know you’re joking but please, _please_ be my bodyguard—I don’t know if I can deal with all her questions about _marriage_ and _starting a family._ ” He shudders and chokes out a laugh to lighten the highly depressing fact that he might never in his lifetime have any of those things.

“No, Jake it’s fine—I totally get it, I experience the same thing with my relatives too. Having five out of seven brothers who have wives and kids doesn’t help either.”

“Oh yeah? Gosh that’s sounds scary.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. If I’m still single by the time Tony gets married, I might need you to come as my fake-boyfriend.”

Jake chuckles but his heart sinks a little at the thought of Amy being in a relationship, and taking some other guy to her brother’s wedding. And suddenly all he wants is to be _the_ man by her side at weddings, he wants to be the one trying to win her father’s approval, the one that accompanies her to family dinners. He wants road trips with her, wants to hold her hand and share a bed without it being awkward. He wants to make memories and make her laugh. And maybe, Jake thinks—in another lifetime, this could have been his reality. But time was a bitch, and he was too late. Now, he knows that he could never be good enough for Amy. Teddy wasn’t good enough for her, so there was _no way_ he had a chance with her. _This_ was his reality, and he had to learn to accept it.

They soon pull up to the restaurant and as they walk in, Amy reaches to grab his hand and intertwine their fingers. As Jake looks over to see her small, soft smile, feeling a rush of comfort and _something else_ in him—and he really can’t fight his lips curling up into a wide, stupid grin. He tightens his grip on hers and soaks in the feeling of having his hand held by the woman whom he is undoubtedly falling for.

“Jakey!”

A high-pitched familiar voice interrupts his thoughts – and like, _not_ a good familiar, definitely a bad familiar. Yep, the overly excited voice of his way too involved aunt was currently standing up across the room and trotting over to where Jake and Amy were.

“Ames, save me.”

Amy giggles and moves her head up to whisper against his ear, “Would you be mad at me if I excused myself to the restroom?”

Jake turns to face her, eyes wide, to meet her teasing smirk and wildly shakes his head, “No, no, no, no—Ames you can’t.” He circles his arm around her shoulder and brings her body closer to him as she does the same to him. They were much closer now and walking slowly in a very intimate position.

“Don’t worry, Jake, I’m here all night. In fact, I’m _incredible_ with the older generation—I’m a _senior queen._ ”

Jake chuckles and turns down to look at her, but before he can make a witty remark, or ask her what she means, he’s being rudely ripped away from Amy’s arms into Aunt Linda and—

“Oh my god, Jakey you’ve grown so much! You’re so _tall._ ” She pulls back and looks him up and down. “You look _much more_ handsome than the last time I saw you! It’s been so long, how come you never come up and visit your favorite aunt? I’m not getting any younger!”

Jake puts on a wide smile and turns to return to Amy’s side, “Oh, hah—well, y’know me, always working, I’ve been so busy lately. But, Aunt Linda, I’d like to introduce you to Amy here—” he pulls her against his side again as they go back to their original position, “—she’s my co-worker, partner at the precinct…and, my girlfriend.”

Amy smiles at his lively aunt, “It’s lovely to meet you, I’ve heard great things about you from Jake!”

Jake looks at her confused.

“Really? Well, Jake hasn’t told _any_ of us about you, but it’s good to see him finally with someone. You’re very beautiful—”

Amy looks down and blushes, and Jake is sure that it’s the most adorable thing he’s ever seen.

“Oh, thank you, that’s very kind of you.”

“—and you make a cute couple, the two of you.”

That was the second time someone’s told them that today and now Jake is blushing as well because he’s _never,_ in any of his relationships, gotten the ‘cute couple’ compliment. And _god,_ this isn’t even real but it _feels so fucking good_ to be named a cute couple with Amy Santiago of all people. He’s lost in his thoughts, shamelessly imagining what it would be like to actually date his long-time partner, when he realizes that said partner and his aunt were now having a conversation between the two of them—and so maybe what Amy said about being great with older people held some truth.

“...so make sure Jakey comes up to visit me more often, okay sweetie?”

Amy smiles and lays a hand on Linda’s shoulder in a comforting gesture.

“I’ll make sure he visits you as often as he can.”

As they walk towards the table, she looks at him, smirking at the panicked, _what did you just say_ look on his face.

“Did you just become best friends with my aunt and promise that I’ll visit her?”

“Yeah, she’s your aunt and she loves you a lot. You should visit her more often, Jake.”

She scoffs as they take their seats at the table, clearly enjoying teasing him and Jake rolls his eyes.

“Ha, ha Santiago, well if I have to visit her, you’re gonna have to come up with me, too, you know.”

They joke around for a little longer, a familiar Peralta and Santiago banter that was always at the core of their friendship and partnership—it was like conversing with Amy had become a language he was fluent in, and one that he hoped to learn more of. One that he hoped to continue speaking for the rest of his life.

* * *

  
Amy’s heart clenched as Jake jokingly invites her to accompany him in visits to his aunt’s place. It wasn’t that she hated his aunt, she really was a sweet woman. And she was pretty sure Jake was joking, but it was the fact that they were making plans for _after_ the wedding. Plans that involved boyfriend-girlfriend duties— _not_ co-worker/friend duties. I mean, it wasn’t even any hard plans, but Amy was already having such a good time with Jake, meeting his family and she oddly was craving more. She wanted this to be _real._ And it wasn’t because she loved meeting a friend’s extended family, or that she wanted to become Karen Peralta’s best friend—it wasn’t even about Jake—well, okay sorta, maybe a little bit Jake. But really, it was because all of this felt so _special._ She knew that Jake rarely shared his family life with anyone, and she assumes that she’s one of the few (if not the only) people that is getting to meet his family like that. Like he was sharing a secret, opening up a part of him only to her—and it only made her affection for the man grow even more.

“Ames, here let me introduce you to Eli.”

He gestures to a man who shares the same soft brown curls as Jake and he moves to pull her chair back as she stands up. As they approach the groom-to-be, Jake smiles widely and Amy can’t help but smile along with him—the joy he emits is so contagious, something she would bottle up and keep close to her heart if she could. Her smile only grows as the two men go in for a classic bro hug, one that is heartwarming and incredibly sweet.

“Jake Peralta, as I live and breathe. Look at you!”

“Eli, man—hey, it’s so good to see you.”

“Yeah, man I’m so glad you could make it.”

They pull back and grin at each other for a while before Eli glances over at Amy.

“So, Jake, who’s the lady?”

“Oh—” Jake reaches for Amy’s hands which she readily takes and shifts to stand by his side “—this is Amy Santiago, my girlfriend.”

“It’s nice to meet you Amy, sorry you’re stuck with this idiot.”

Amy reaches out to shake Eli’s hand and lets out a laugh.

“Hey! I’m no idiot—”Jake looks at her defensively.

“—uhh, tell that to your case file that had a half-eaten sandwich in it.”

“I was saving it for later!”

Amy rolls her eyes endearingly, “Right, it’s a good thing I check through all your paperwork otherwise lots of criminals would be walking free.”

“I _let_ you do that because I know how much you enjoy paperwork, _nerd._ ”

Eli chuckles at their childish banter as Amy again rolls her eyes and smacks his shoulder.

“Wow, you two are _adorable._ It’s nice to see that Jake hasn’t changed one bit from his middle school days—leaving a sandwich in a file, that’s _very_ Jake.”

Amy laughs along with Eli, very much enjoying teasing Jake as she turns to see his lips turn into what she would define as the cutest pout—one which puts her own nephew’s little pout to shame.

“WOW, okay, I see how it is, the two of you ganging up on me? Is that how it is?”

Eli laughs and pats Jake on the back as a woman walks up behind him—the bride-to-be, Amy assumes.

“Oh, hey babe, this is my cousin Jake and his girlfriend Amy—guys this is my soon to be wife, Jess.”

They exchange greetings and move to sit down together along with several other Peralta relatives. Amy spots Karen on the other side of the table as she waves at them, to her side she recognizes another aunt from the binder and several other faces of cousins, aunts, uncles and significant others seated down the table.

Jake brings his arm around to rest against the back of her chair laying a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly and whispering, “You recognize everyone?”

She nods and grins, an incredibly proud grin because of course she does, and he knows how much time she spent studying the binder.

As they make their way through the meal, they share casual light conversation with the others, Jake introduces her to several more relatives and Amy thinks she should be exhausted by now—being surrounded by so many new people would usually be draining a lot of her social energy. And normally, she would be spent—except, tonight is different. Jake seems to always keep a hand on her—whether it was around her shoulder as they were seated, or on her lower back as they got up to chat, and sometimes he would link their hands together under the table, with no particular reason other than to be connected to her. Ever since he first held her hand it was like they were just physically drawn to each other, like two magnets unable to stay apart for too long. It was electrifying and something unlike anything Amy had felt before.

* * *

The evening is going pretty well by Jake’s standards. None of his family members have pissed him off yet, he’s actually _enjoying_ catching up with his cousins, especially when he gets to introduce Amy as his _girlfriend._ The way they link arms and hold each other is so natural now and he relishes in getting to be this close to her.

He was in the middle of chatting with Eli about his super dope case that he just closed, when he hears someone ask Amy— _so what made you fall for this doofus?_ And he isn’t facing her, but he hears every word—every word that would stay with him for the rest of his life.

Amy laughs—a gorgeous laugh that’s music to his ears and she pauses before saying, “Well, I guess—he makes me laugh. And he’s kind and cares for people…he’s one of the best people I know.”

_He makes me laugh._

_…one of the best people I know._

She doesn’t add a joke about his messiness or how he annoys her—every word comes out sincere and genuine. And it’s such simple words but it really makes him want to cry. Without turning he connects their hands again, squeezing—a wordless response to her words, hoping that she understands his gratefulness.

However, the warmth swelling in his heart is short-lived, crushed to pieces as his world comes crumbling down. He releases her hand abruptly and she turns to look at him, but he’s now focused on one thing only. He stands up slowly, rage bubbling up within him as he steps away from the table, ignoring both Amy and Eli’s questions.

They both soon understand as their heads turn in the direction of his gaze—eyes glaring at a devastatingly familiar face, destroyer of his childhood and king of assholes— _Roger Peralta._ He’s older now, guess that’s what close to 20 years of separation does to you, but Jake recognizes him immediately, feels a cold and bitter breeze flow in as he nears his once-father.

_What was he doing her? WHO invited him?_

Jake doesn’t realize it but he’s walking much faster now and everyone else’s voices are dampened by his loud feelings of anger and rage. When Roger notices him, he has the audacity to _smile_ at him. The _fucking nerve_ to smile at him—like he was happy to see him and—

“What the _hell_ are you doing here.”

Jake’s speaking through gritted teeth, clenching his fists so as to resist the urge of slapping him in front of his entire family.

“Jake, son, hey look—”

Jake’s eyes widen as he steps closer into his father’s space, a threatening move, “Do _NOT_ call me son, you have _no fucking right_ to call me that, _Roger.”_

He spits on him, words coming out like poison and _god,_ Jake wants so bad to yell at him to tell him how much he ruined his life, his mother’s life—he grabs the collar of Roger’s shirt, gathering the material as he growls just loud enough for him to hear, “I don’t know what you’re doing here, or _who_ invited you—but after you walked out on _MY_ life, on my mother’s life—you have _no right_ to be here, let alone come near me or mom—”

It’s then that he feels hands prying him backwards and he turns to see Eli and Amy clinging onto his shoulders, pulling him away from his father. He fights against them—clawing at Roger’s chest until his mother steps in front of him, between her husband—ex-husband, and her son.

_“Jake.”_

Jake finally lets go and relaxes, eyes wildly searching his mother’s.

“Mom! What the hell, who invited this douchebag? Why is he here?”

“Jake, honey—it’s okay it’s—”

“It’s _okay?!_ What the fuck, mom—how are you okay with this man—the person who, might I remind you, treated you like _shit_ and walked out on you and—” his voice is rising, on the verge of yelling and making a scene but _he doesn’t care._ He doesn’t care because his jerk-father had the nerve to come here and walk in on a family dinner he shouldn’t be at—he was a dark thunderstorm—the kind where you could hear the thunder but never see the lightning because a man like this would never emit any source of light—it was just dark clouds and heavy raindrops stabbing at Jake’s heart as he’s reminded of the horrible memories of his childhood.

“Honey, I invited him.”

His mother’s loud but soothing voice penetrates through the storm threatening to suffocate him and he looks at her, eyebrows drawn together, gasping for air, “Wh-what— _what_ ”

“Jake, your father called me and heard about the wedding –so, I told him he should come. I mean, this is still his family. We talked actually and I—we’re thinking about getting back together.”

Jake can’t breathe. He doesn’t know what’s happening. His mother brought the nightmare back into their lives. And he doesn’t understand her— “that’s _bullshit,_ this isn’t his family—if this is family—if family means _abandoning_ your own child, and leaving your wife, if it means having no contact with your son as he goes through puberty and gets himself through college—then I want no part in it.”

His eyes are piercing through Roger’s forehead and he can’t read his expression but it doesn’t matter. He needs to do what he’s always done—protect his mother and—before he can get another word in he feels familiar soft hands grab his wrist and rubs his forearm up and down soothingly. And suddenly he’s turning to a beacon of light—a dim fading through the dark clouds which have crowded his periphery. He’s met with empathetic eyes as she grabs his hand and steps closer to him, unafraid of his outburst. And right then, he wishes he could take everything back, for the sake of Amy, so that she didn’t have to see him _like that._ His eyes soften immediately and squeezes her hand—instantly feeling a sense of calm washing over him to help him compose himself a little.

Without looking at Roger, he turns to Karen calmly and slowly speaking, “Mom, I don’t know what he’s doing but you can’t trust him. And I want no part in his life at all. Amy and I are leaving now—Eli,” he glances to Eli who’s still lingering there “I apologize for this asshole being here—I—I’ll see you tomorrow at the rehearsal?”

Eli offers him a sympathetic smile and nods, “It’s alright, Jake.”

With that he pushes past his father without any acknowledgement of him, never letting go of Amy’s hand as they walk out the restaurant. At this point, still brewing with anger, he’d want to be alone –to cry, yell, drink his miseries away or whatever—he’d want everyone to go away so he could be alone with his stupid emotions. But with Amy by his side—with the light that she shines into his life, for the first time, he doesn’t push everyone away.

* * *

The drive back is silent—Amy offers to drive but Jake insists and she doesn’t argue with him. She keeps glancing over at him, keeping their hands linked over the console, rubbing a thumb over his, hoping it comforts him in some way. She knows how much he ruined Jake’s childhood, and she hates him for it. She hates that a father could knowingly leave their own son at such a young age—and dare to barge back into his life uninvited. His outburst back at the restaurant was a little frightening—Amy had never seen Jake get so enraged or express his anger like that. She’s seen him pissed off or frustrated before—but this, this was different. There was a different passion, a different set of emotions behind his dark eyes that she hadn’t seen before. It was something that should have scared her—that should have had her running the other direction. Something so unlike the normal Jake Peralta everyone knew and loved. But then, like a slap to her face she realized that, _that’s_ what everyone does. And she thinks back to their conversation in her apartment, and her realization on the plane—

_He’s afraid that everyone will leave him._

And she remembers vowing to never leave him—no matter what—friends, partners, co-workers…fake girlfriend. She’ll be there for him.

They wordlessly make their way back to the room and it isn’t until Jake sinks on the bed, toeing off his shoes, that he speaks.

“I’m sorry Ames…” his voice cracks and his eyes focusing on the carpet, causing Amy’s heart to sell and she instinctively sits beside him on the edge of the bed and rubs his back.

“Hey, Jake—you have nothing to be sorry about.”

“No—I—” He swallows what Amy assumes to be him holding back a sob “I’m sorry—you shouldn’t have had to see me like that…you didn’t sign up for this. I—” he takes a breath and looks at her “—I’ll understand if you wanna leave and go back to New York. Escape the family drama while you can.”

And there it is, he’s giving her an out. Literally. To leave him—not just physically, but figuratively as well. To step out of his life, to show that she can’t handle his mess, that she doesn’t want to be involved in his life. His eyes are vulnerable and sad—and Amy only scoots closer to him, wrapping her arm fully around his waist.

“Jake, I meant what I said before, at my apartment—you, you didn’t choose this. You’re not any less lovable because you had a shitty father. And you had every right to react the way you did tonight. I’m here for you this weekend Jake—I’m here to listen and—” she smiles a little “—and just be the best fake-girlfriend you’ve ever had.”

Jake smiles at her and the darkness in his eyes seems to fade away as he reaches to grab her other hand in his. And Amy thinks if this were a movie or TV show, she would lean up and kiss him—but, no, this wasn’t a movie, and he was vulnerable, and she needed to be a good friend right now. Nothing more.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jake sighs and closes his eyes, thinking, “I don’t know. I’m not—” he opens his eyes and Amy swears there are tears at the corners of his eyes “—you now, I’m not great with emotions…I think I just wanna sleep.”

Amy nods and squeezes his hand once more before getting up.

“We have all morning and afternoon free before the rehearsal dinner so we can just relax, okay?”

Jake smiles at her as she goes into the bathroom to wash up and change. In the bathroom, she looks at herself and quickly wipes her make-up off, processing the events and the nagging ache in her heart. The one that ached not just for the hurt Jake was going through—but one that ached also in affection and fondness for him. She was dangerously and helplessly falling more for the man, and it was terrifying. He wasn’t even doing anything cute or romantic—he wasn’t doing anything to make himself look good, in fact, it was quite the opposite and she still couldn’t let go of her feelings for him. Watching him react to his father, to be so vulnerable—it only caused these feelings to grow even more. And now Amy was confused. It was one thing to fall for someone because they were funny and attractive. But it was a terrifying realization to know that you felt so deeply for someone that you would _choose_ to be there for the broken and hard things. It scared her and she wondered how she got here.

When she returns to the room, she sees Jake sitting at the edge of his bed, changed into a grey t-shirt and shorts. He still has the same sad look and seems to be deep in thought.

“Hey”

He looks up at her as she slips into the bed nervously—almost forgetting until this moment that they were about to share a bed for the night. She pushes her legs under the covers but keeps her distance from him. And she meant what she said the earlier that day—they were adults, sharing a bed, platonically—it isn’t a big deal. Jake doesn’t need to feel guilty about this right now, not after the night he had.

“Jake—hey,” he turns his neck to look at her, offering a small smile followed by a yawn “c’mon go to sleep, you need it.”

“I—um—”

He stutters for a moment, not really getting any coherent word out. She tilts her head trying to read him, “Hey, don’t worry about the bed thing—I told you, it’s not weird—we’ve been partners for a long time and we’re full-grown adults so…” she notices his expression _doesn’t_ switch into relief and she can definitely sense that something’s nagging at him “…what’s wrong Jake?”

He finally moves his legs onto the bed, laying down sideways to face her—looking up at her.

“It's—I—well, it’s nothing really but—I just—could you—”

“Jake, just tell me.” She says it sternly but also softly, hoping to coax whatever was bothering him out gently.

“Could you um—I guess what I’m trying to say is…I don’t know, I feel weak and defenseless and I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep unless I—just—could you—I like being the littlespoonitmakesmefeelsafe.”

The last part comes out soft and rushed, and so _vulnerable_ but Amy manages to hear it and she swallows as she realizes what he’s asking her to do. She’s sure her face shows a brief reaction of shock because his eyes widen and he shifts uncomfortably, a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—that was embarrassing, I um—” he quickly turns to face the other side and flicks his lamp off “—sorry Ames that was—if I crossed a line I—”

Amy’s quick to act and flicks her lamp off too, briefly processing his words and takes a breath, ignoring the hammering against her chest—and she shifts under the covers close to him, timidly lifting her arm to loop around his torso and lay softly against his chest. She’s tense as she pulls up closer to him—hesitant and cautious.

She releases a shaky breath which she’s sure Jake can feel against the back of his neck, “Is—is this okay?”

“Ames—I, yeah this is ok. I—” She’s sure he’s wanting to say more to suppress the awkwardness but exhaustion takes over him as he stifles another yawn, managing to get out a whispered, but laced with contentment, “thank you.”

His body fully relaxes under her arms and she feels the tension leaving her as well, awkwardness and nervousness barely there anymore—allowing herself to pull her body closer and lay her head up against his back. And after several minutes—or seconds, she isn’t sure—she hears the same soft snores from when he fell asleep on the plane and she closes her eyes, easing further into him, feeling an incredible comfort wash over her. And so, with the man she has grown to care so much for in a matter of days currently wrapped in her arms—she lets herself voice the promise over him, softly mumbling against his shirt, “I’ll never leave you—I’ll be here for you for as long as you need me, as long as you’ll have me.” The last part comes out as a hope, a wish of some sort—one that really means _please have me, I’ve wanted you for so long._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me so long to write this, and I'm actually not sure if I like the way it's turning out to be. Let me know what you guys think, what you like!?
> 
> Thanks for reading & sticking around! I've started the next chapter so I hope to get that out sooooon <3


	5. no signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy has a surprise for Jake, they spend the day together-just the two of them. And they're both too afraid to be the one to take that risky step, into what could be heartbreak...or something more. 
> 
> _curious time  
>  gave me no compasses  
> gave me no signs  
> _

Amy can identify three times she felt it. Three moments in just the past two years when she truly, genuinely felt it. Sure, they had been partners and friends for a long time, but if you asked Amy to give a specific time when she felt that gentle tug on her heart towards Jake Peralta, she would point to these three moments.

The first was under the stars in the chill of a January evening. The rooftop of 397 Barton Street with a pack of peanuts and her childish, immature partner. The night had started out like any other Peralta-Santiago interaction—a bet, stupid jokes and Jake being overtly annoying. And honestly, until that moment on the roof, she can’t remember a time that the two of them sat down and had a real conversation—like actually get to know each other. It was always jokes and teasing, or talking about cases with him. But just for a few minutes, they shared genuine conversation and— it was really nice, something she craved more of.

The second time was while he was undercover with the FBI. It was six months of a Jake-less bullpen, six months of really no one to make her laugh or tease her—she even missed his messiness and irritating _Title of your Sextape_ jokes. She was in a loving, safe, committed relationship with Teddy, and while it seemed like the ideal relationship that would get the approval of her parents, she found her heart yearning for her absent partner. Especially after his rushed confession that left Amy confused, the vacant desk across her became symbolic of the gaping hole in her heart. She wished she never settled for safe and ideal.

The third time was just a few weeks ago—at Gina and Charles’ parents’ wedding. They had spent the whole day together, sharing several flirty moments. She remembers the words Holt spoke— _marriage is love. It’s commitment. It’s joy, it’s understanding, it’s patience, it’s anger, it’s reconciliation, it’s everything._ Amy remembers being sat by Jake, shoulders brushing up against one another, suddenly realizing in the years of knowing him, she’s experienced that spectrum of emotions towards him. Then she was ready, she was going to do it— _it’s not Jenny Gildenhorn, but if you want to slow dance tonight, I know someone who’d be into that._ But she just had to chicken out and drag Gina’s aunt in. And as she watched him dance, she wondered if she’d ever get to be that girl in his arms—if _he’d_ ever want her as much as he wanted Jenny Gildenhorn.

“Amy?”

She hears some shuffling from behind where she’s sitting on the couch, and turns around to see probably what is one of the best things she’s _ever_ taken in with her own two eyes—and Amy’s seen the new spring collection of binder tabs, so this is saying a lot. She’s smiling as her eyes fall upon a sleepy Jake—looking like a little boy who just woke up from his nap—his curls a mess and sticking out in different directions, nose scrunched up as he rubs his eyes. Truly an endearing sight.

“Morning, Jake.”

He shifts to sit up on the bed.

“Wh-what time is it?”

“It’s almost 10—you, well, you looked tired so I thought I’d let you sleep in. _Although…”_

She grins, closing the binder laid out on her lap and padding over to sit by Jake on the bed. As she sinks into her side of the mattress, memories of last night, her arms wrapped tightly around him as he drifted off, comes rushing back to her. And then this morning, somehow their bodies closer, pulled against each other—Amy woke up to her face tucked into the crook of his neck, Jake’s arms cradling her arm, and their legs intertwined with each other. While she had wanted to stay in bed forever like this, in this position that felt _so fucking nice—_ she also wanted to spare herself and him the inevitable awkwardness.

“Why do you have the binder?”

Jake’s voice pulls her out of her thoughts and her eyes light up, remembering what she had been working on for the past hour.

“Oh! Right, well—so we have the whole afternoon free right?”

“Mmhm”

“So, I thought that maybe we could do one of the things I researched—y’know, things to do around the area…so that…”

She trails off, and turns to look up at him from her binder. His eyes are tired and his hair is a mess, but his lips are curled upward into a slight smile and it’s enough to make her heart dance a little.

“…so that, well—” she nervously picks at the binder and he raises his eyebrows at her, then down at her lap, grabbing the binder from her.

“Ooh! Amy! Wait…” looking up at her with wide excited eyes, Amy knows this was the right choice and gives herself a mental pat on the back for all the research she did.

“You want to go to the pier? Like the one with the super dope arcade, and amusement park and—” he gasps, looking at the binder “—they have a _pizza bagel_ store?”

She nods and grins—overcome with excitement for him.

“And…if we leave soon, I have a little surprise for you on our way back.”

He looks up at her and his eyes are wide, smile plastering his face— and Amy can’t help but stare at him, into his brown orbs. They lock eyes for a moment too long before he blinks a few times seemingly out of a trance and lets out a noise of excitement.

“Wait, a surprise? What is it? Oh my god are we going jet skiing? How did you get jet skis? I don't even know how to jet ski!!”

Amy just shakes her head lovingly at him.

“No, we’re not going jet skiing, but I promise you’ll love it—”

“Oh I already know I will. But _pleeeasee Ameess—_ tell me what we’re doinng?”

She grabs the binder out of his hands, closing it and starting to push herself off the bed before she feels hands wrap around her waist and pull her to fall back into the soft mattress, the back of her shoulder bumping up against Jake’s soft hair.

“Jake!!” She yelps and squirms in his arms, but as his hands wrap around and come to clasp against her stomach, she really just wants to relax into his touch, lean back into his chest. However, she twists so that she can see his face, and he has that stupid (cute) pout on again.

“Amyyyy—tell meee—”

She chuckles and rolls her eyes and grabs one of his hands to pry it off her causing him to loosen his grasp as she turns to face him fully.

“No, it’s called a _surprise_ for a reason and—”

“But I hate surprises!” he whines, now moving his hand to grab her forearm—and each physical touch feels so natural and at the same time sets off a million fireworks through her body. Amy is hyper aware of every point of contact that they’ve had. Call it creepy or whatever, but she’s basically made a mental list of every part of her body that Jake’s touched or grazed and boy does she want to add a few more to the list.

“Jake—that’s definitely not true, you _love_ surprises. And, I promise it’ll be so much better if it remains a surprise.”

She pushes herself away from him and off the bed, and he’s now staring sadly at her. And, as much as she would love to lay in bed with Jake and just talk all day, she has a pretty awesome day planned for them so—

“Hey, get up—if we don’t leave in 10 minutes the pizza bagel store will be closed by the time we get there.”

His head perks up at that and is suddenly shifting to untangle himself from the covers, “why didn’t you say that earlier?” he huffs adorably, as he jumps off the bed.

And as he crosses the carpeted floor, Amy lets herself stare at his figure, his surprisingly toned back muscles apparent through the fabric of his t-shirt, remembering feeling his lean chest under her fingers this morning as she spooned him then as he walks to the bathroom her eyes roam down to his bare legs and she wonders – _god_ Amy, what are you doing? She shakes her head and goes to place the binder on the table and grabs her purse.

* * *

Jake was a little disappointed to wake up alone in the bed. He didn’t expect Amy to _actually_ spoon him all night—but when he woke up briefly in the middle of the night, her body was still curled up against him and it was a glorious feeling. He isn’t sure what urged him to ask her, but last night was a little too much for him and he’s thankful that Amy didn’t even question him and took him into her arms with understanding. And, unlike a lot of his other friends (ahem, _Charles_ ), she didn’t bombard him with questions about his dad—in fact, since waking up, she hadn’t mention anything that happened last night at all.

And now, they were strolling along the pier along the vast ocean lining a surprisingly empty beach, under the gleaming California sun. As they walk, Jake feels familiar soft fingers slot into the gaps of his hand and he turns over to her and smiles, giving her hand a squeeze. They say nothing of it, it’s become second-nature almost—holding Amy’s hand.

They don’t need to be pretending now, no one was there to watch them and make sure that they were acting like a couple, so the way that she initiates this makes him feel something different—something that’s more real. Quite frankly, this action confuses him too. If they weren’t putting on an act for anyone, why would Amy hold his hand? _Does she like him, too?_ No, that can’t be, this is purely platonic—I mean, friends hold hands too, _right?_ There was that one time Charles held his hand—and, he’s held hands with Gina when he was younger. Right, so this is just like that, there’s no way it could mean more than what they’ve established – _just friends._

“So, I think the store that sells pizza bagels is just right up there—”

“Oooh!”

He tightens his grip on her hand and pulls her along, running down the boardwalk towards the small bagel shop.

“Jake!!”

She giggles as she catches up to him, and Jake swears he’ll never get tired of her laugh— _god_ he wants to be the one that makes her laugh, all the time.

He makes her get a pizza bagel too, and they make their way to a picnic table, sitting across from one another.

“Ugh, Jake, I can practically taste the grease on this bagel—god it’s barely even a bagel. There’s more pizza than bagel!”

He laughs as she munches on her breakfast and Jake takes a bite into his own.

“Mmhmm—” He closes his eyes, savoring the flavors of his favorite breakfast food, and even better, getting to share it with Amy— opening his eyes to reveal her looking amusedly at him.

“You’re such a weirdo.”

“Well, you’re the weird one—this is a delicious, well-balanced breakfast.”

Jake smiles as he takes another bite, and she narrows her eyes at him, but her lips are also curling up to mirror his smile.

“This isn’t a well-balanced breakfast at all—like, the farthest from what a healthy breakfast is supposed to be.”

He mumbles with his mouth stuffed “Mmh—no, it’s definitely balanced—you have the the bread – gotta have your carbs—then, we have the pepperonis— _protein—_ ” he’s grinning as he stuffs his mouth with another bite.

“Okay, where are the nutrients then?”

His mouth is stuffed full but he’s not gonna let that stop him from talking—he’s an _excellent_ multitasker.

“mfph th-nutrientss—they’re in—” he swallows and licks his lips, glancing up to see Amy biting her lower lip, holding back her laughter and raising her eyebrows at him.

“As I was saying, the nutrients are in the little pools of water here—” he points to the grease on her bagel and gets another eye roll—which, honestly, Jake loves to see her annoyed at him. The _you’re such an idiot_ eye roll and smirk that follows is the only reason he teases her all the time. And her laugh. Always. Anything to make Amy laugh. 

“Jake, the pools of water isn’t—it’s grease, and I can assure you, there’s not a single drop of nutrient in this thing you call breakfast.”

He smirks at her—the familiar banter and jokes making him feel weirdly relaxed and comfortable. Things are different now, he thinks—I mean, they were on a beach in LA, she was his date to a wedding—that wasn’t normal for two colleagues, two friends to do together. But for today, they didn’t have to pretend—they could be and do whatever they wanted to, just like they would back in Brooklyn. They could just be _real_ , no lies or masks. They could be Detective Peralta and Santiago two of the finest detectives in the NYPD—or Jake and Amy, best friends who tease each other constantly—or, maybe they could be something more. He hopes something more.

“Why are you doing this?”

Amy frown a little and tilts her head, “What do you—you mean, why am I eating a pizza bagel? I didn’t think I had a choice—“ she laughs as she looks down at her bagel “—but I mean, I guess it’s not the worst thing in the world...“

She pauses as she looks up to see a neutral, serious expression on Jake’s face. I mean, don’t get him wrong he’s ecstatic that Amy Santiago just admitted to liking pizza bagels…but that wasn’t what he meant.

“Oh no…I mean, what I meant was why are you doing all this—like, planning this little trip out for us? I mean, gosh I love it and I’m glad we’re out of the hotel but, why here? I don’t know, I thought you’d want to check out some museum or exhibit downtown, or any one of the other things you researched last week.”

“Oh, um—“ she glances at their surroundings, the beach beneath them, waves softly crashing along the shore, a small family a few picnic tables over “—I guess, I thought this is something you’d like? And…well…”

Amy looks up at him, and Jake’s staring intently at her, each word increasingly making him happier. He enjoys talking, he likes to be the voice in the room—the one who’s the center of attention. But when Amy’s there, he’d shut up and let her talk all day just to hear her voice. And the way she’s talking now—the way she’s the slightest bit nervous, the way her voice is soft and genuine—it’s a sweet melody to Jake’s ears.

“…well, since last night was kinda shit, I thought maybe we could get out for the day, and be away from everything for a little while. I don’t know—is that… I guess maybe I should’ve asked you if you wanted to first—before I…”

Jake clenches his fist a little as he remembers his dad showing up out of nowhere and remnants of last night’s anger flows through him and gleams in his eyes. But quickly catching up to Amy’s words, he realizes that he actually hasn’t thought about his dad, or how pissed off he was the night before. Somehow, he’s forgotten about it—just, totally immersed in Amy’s presence and being with her. It didn’t matter that his dad was here at the wedding. He realizes the incredible thoughtfulness of Amy—the way she was fully and completely thinking of him. She _actually_ considered him and how he was feeling. Something that was so rare to him.

“Ames…” he offers her a smile that hopefully speaks more than he’s capable of communicating in his limited vocabulary of words, “Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me, it’s exactly what I needed after last night and I’m—“ he takes a breath and pauses, suddenly feeling guilty for having to put Amy through what might just be a weekend from hell “—I’m sorry you had to see that—see me and Roger last night…I don’t know what came over me and I don’t know how the rest of this weekend will go…”

Amy reaches over and grabs his hand, taking it in hers and squeezing it softly. His eyes soften and zeroes in on their connected fingers.

“…this isn’t what you signed up for, and I guess just—thank you.”

She smiles at him and runs a thumb over his in soothing circles in silence, letting his words sit in the stillness of the ocean breeze and calming crashing of waves.

“Jake…don’t—don’t be sorry, it isn’t your fault that he showed up, and like I said last night, you had every right to react that way, to be mad at him. And, I mean, I just thought you’d like this time away from the hotel for awhile—you know, take opportunity of the California sun and beaches.”

“Thanks Amy—this really, it means a lot and thank you. Really, thank you for being here and making this hell of a weekend so much better.”

And she smiles sweetly at him—her deep brown eyes a tint of gold and warm as it reflects the early afternoon sun. He wonders if there’s more behind her words, that she could potentially desire what he does, too.

But he’s standing at the edge, staring into shadows—he’s staring into shadows but he can’t see the light casting the shadows. He knows he could take a step, just one or two more steps and he’d see the light. But the fear of what could be beyond, what’s beyond the unknown, it’s too much of a risk. He’s at the edge of safety, of what he knows to be true—and, if he takes another step, he could be taking a step into complete abyss, rejection, heartbreak.

Jake can’t know for sure, so he stays put—safe and comfortable—friends, partners, colleagues.

Amy clears her throat and moves to get up from their table.

“So, shall we head to the arcade? I still have that surprise I talked about”

She raises an eyebrow at him, now gathering their paper bags and napkins to toss away, and Jake joins her, linking their hands out of instinct and her squeeze in response sends a wave through his body right into a fluttering in his chest.

* * *

They spend the next two hours in what Amy would define as the most fun she’s had in a while. To be honest, she didn’t really care much about the arcade, or the beach and the different activities to do there—call it a cliché, but the thing that makes it a day she’ll remember is the person she’s with. Jake has this exceptional way of drawing her into the most annoying activities—like mini bowling. Like, bowling’s already the most pointless sport (is it even a sport?), then make a miniature version in a full-of-germs arcade…it’s _dumb._ But, somehow participating in it with Jake is not at all dumb _._ It’s the way he’s cheering and whooping and slipping and falling clumsily—it’s his smile in the glow of the red and blue neon lights that makes it enjoyable.

Amy’s thrilled about the surprise she’s planned for Jake—something she _knows_ he’ll love, just because he talks about it all the damn time. She’s actually surprised he hasn’t figured it out yet—so much for best detective. They’re walking into the parking lot and Jake’s stuffing popcorn into his mouth, a stuffed animal turtle they won together tucked under his arm. Through his chewing, he’s trying to coax Amy to spill the surprise to him—and, she knows he’s only doing it just to be annoying, but she plays along anyways.

“C’mon Ames!!! I wanna know!!!”

“Jake, do you really want me to ruin the surprise?”

“Nooo just give me a hint! Like a little taste of where we’re going!?”

She smirks at him as she unlocks the door and steps into the car—he has those goddamn puppy dog eyes that are to die for, as he joins her in the passenger seat.

“No, Jake—I’m not telling you. Just wait like 15 minutes, and we’ll be there.”

She reaches into her purse to pull out a handkerchief, passing it to him.

“What’s this?”

“Oh, it’s a blindfold, put it on—it’s part of the surprise experience.”

“ _Experience?_ Are you tryna kidnap me, Santiago?”

She rolls her eyes as she puts the key in the ignition.

“Just put it on, Peralta.”

He mumbles in discontent, grunting a little about how he won’t be able to see the flavor of his sour candies that he bought—but obeys her anyways and puts on the blindfold.

The drive is short and Jake fills the silence all the way there—talking about how he would’ve beat her at arcade basketball if he hadn’t eaten so many pizza bagels and started feeling sick. Then he teases her dancing from their little session on dance dance revolution machine he had _forced_ her to do with him. And in every other sentence, he’s asking if they’re there yet, and Amy’s glad he can’t see her face because she’s smiling widely listening to him in a way that’s probably just a smidge too much and a little embarrassing how happy he makes her.

“Alright…we’re here. Let’s—um hold on.”

“Wait—Amy—“

She grabs her purse and exits the car, quickly walking over to the other side to let Jake out.

“I thought you left me!!!”

“Oh my god, c’mon just get out, here—“ she offers him her arm and drags him out of the car to stand by her.

“Okay…” Amy can barely contain her excitement as she looks up towards the sky. Then taking a shaky breath she steadies Jake to face straight.

“You can take off your blindfold now.”

It’s a whole three seconds of silence before she hears a weird, choked gasp from Jake and she turns to see that his mouth is hanging open, staring up widely and there may be a tear rolling down his cheek, but he’d deny it later.

“Is—OH MY GOD—“ he grabs her shoulders, then moves into embrace her fully in a bear hug and then he’s pulling away to look up again.

“I can’t—ah—I can’t believe we’re—” He stutters through excited gasps and rubs his eyes a little like he’s making sure he’s not dreaming “—we’re, how—I can’t believe it! AMY! THIS IS ICONIC! We’re at _the_ Nakatomi Plaza! Oh my god, can we go in? Can we please go pay our respects? Oh my god—I can’t believe it”

She laughs and is smiling with a heck load of pride from pulling off this surprise very specific to Jake. Indeed as they gaze into the sky the towering icon of Die Hard was right there—in front of them—

“For realz—we’re really here…for realz realz…”

Amy could care less about Die Hard or Nakatomi plaza, but Jake’s reaction and excitement is so worth it. She had woken up that morning determined to cheer Jake up, and really just help him have a good day—seeing as the night before was not quite the best. After a few google searches and calls, she was able to plan a time for them to visit and _pay their respects,_ as Jake says.

Amy’s experienced joy and great happiness before. But this—sharing in someone else’s (specifically, Jake's) joy, being the cause of his excitement—it was different, it was a state of euphoria. As she watches him jump with delight and touch the walls with this enchantment in his eyes—she wants nothing more than to keep making him this happy for as long as she can.

“Ames! Amy! C’mere let me tell you about this—this was the exact spot John McClane said…”

So Jake spends the next hour explaining literally every corner of the floor they were on, and Amy taking what feels like 500 photos of Jake posing.

“Oh my god, Ames this is the best surprise ever I can’t believe it—“ he’s smiling as he swipes through the photos “—oh, this is great, this is great—damn, this is like all of my dreams come true.”

“All of them? You’re way too easy to please,” she’s leaning against a wall, arms crossed, and smiling at him.

“I mean, yeah…running around the legendary Nakatomi Plaza, standing where Bruce Willis stood…and, y’know you’re here too, so this is pretty great, it’s so perfect and ooh! Let’s take a pic together—“

Before Amy can react he’s lifting his phone in selfie-mode and snapping a photo of them—Jake smiling widely at the camera and Amy still looking at him, with affection and slight amusement in her eyes.

And that was it. All of her feelings — Jake making her happy, that feeling of wanting to protect him from his dad, of feeling deeply for his hurts and vulnerability—the culmination of the past two days into this moment.

This was the fourth moment in their partnership that she felt that same tug in her heart. It was the same feeling on the roof, at the Boyle-Linetti wedding, and the six months he went undercover. It was the same feeling, but it was something deeper. Something more. And this time there wasn’t just affection and attraction—there was joy, anger, sadness—feelings that she wants to experience _with_ him. It wasn’t a stupid workplace crush anymore, but it was hope, care, a desire for...

… _love._

Oh god, _she was in love with Jake Peralta_. It’s overwhelming—to realize all of this at once, to feel an intense emotion like this all at once.

As Jake shows her the photo of the two of them, he says some words that she doesn’t quite catch amidst her sudden realization and then—

“I’m so happy right now, I could _kiss you._ ”

And he did.

Amy was sure she was going to pass out. She needs time to process this sudden realization and _what_ did he just say?

Well, and he did. He kissed her.

On the cheek. Very quickly. Super quick.

But still, it was a kiss, and that gentle tug at her heart was no longer gentle—it was a freaking tsunami wave immersing her in love, or whatever she was feeling for him.

* * *

Alright, Jake was _really happy,_ okay? He was bouncing off the walls with excitement and the fact that Amy planned all of this for him? That was what made everything a thousand times more dope. So in this state of pure happiness and honestly feeling a little giddy, he couldn’t help it. It was only a cheek kiss—friends kiss each other’s cheeks…right? Anyways, he couldn’t help himself, he was _happy—_ the happiest he’s ever been in a while and one moment he’s looking at the photo, and the next he has his lips on her cheek.

Thankfully, she doesn’t say anything or slap his face so that’s good. They’d made their way out of the building and back to the car in silence, both processing what just happened and Jake contemplating whether he should say something—just in case Amy’s mad at him. Oh god he was such a jerk, what was he thinking? Did he just cross a line?

It isn’t until they were back on the road, driving back that Jake speaks up.

“I’m sorry about that—um, back at the—I didn’t mean to—ah—i don’t know why I—“

Amy shakes her head, eyes still glued on the road.

“Don’t worry about it Jake I—“

“No, I’m sorry. I was just really really happy and yeah, just—thanks for today. Thanks for everything…really…”

She glances at him and smiles.

“You’re welcome, Jake.”

“No I mean, really Ames, you have no idea how much this means to me—I haven’t thought about Roger or any horrible thing that happened last night. I think today kinda makes up for Roger even being here.”

He sighs as he remembers that they’re actually returning back to the hotel now, to the rehearsal dinner where he’ll probably have to face Roger again. But he meant it, today — the entire day with Amy and visiting one of his top bucket list locations — it all made up for Roger’s presence that weekend.

Amy seems to read his mind and asks, “So, how are you feeling?”

They both know she isn’t asking about how he’s felt about going to Nakatomi plaza—that’s obvious. Jake knows she’s asking about his father and maybe she’s helping to prepare him for what could happen when they got back. He could brush it off with some joke or avoid the topic altogether until they got there…but…

“I—I don’t know…I guess I’m still pissed at him but—” he looks at her, watching the golden hues of a setting sun reflect off her tan skin “—what do you think?”

Amy furrows her eyebrows and turns to him as they stop at a red light. She takes a moment to think and then as the light turns green, she turns back to face the road, and speaks.

“I mean—ultimately it’s your decision. I’m not saying you should forgive him or instantly let him back into your life…I think Roger has to earn that somehow.”

The corners of her mouth twitch a little and her eyes flick sideways at him before reaching over the console and taking his hand in hers—it never gets old, that feeling.

“But…maybe you should try to talk to him? Like, just be honest with him and really talk to him—then hear what he has to say…”

Jake contemplates Amy’s words and really if anyone else gave him that advice he’d brush it aside. But this is Amy—the smartest, wisest and most caring person he knows. It was _her_ and he _wanted_ to listen and take her words to heart.

“Okay…”

“Okay?”

“Yeah…I don’t know, I guess maybe he doesn’t even know the hurt he caused me and mom. So if anything at least he’ll know."

“And you don’t have to forgive him.”

“And I don’t have to forgive him.”

“You can still be mad at him. Just…I think…try to listen?”

“Yeah…”

“And Jake?”

“Yeah?"

“I’m here all weekend if you wanna talk or escape the hotel or anything…just—I don’t fully understand what you’re going through but—but, I still do care about you and I—“ she pauses as they pull into the hotel parking lot, and as she turns to look at him, he swears he sees something else in her eyes that he hadn’t seen before.

“—I want to be there for you.”

His heart is beating a mile a minute and he wants to take that leap. He can’t know for sure and he’s still staring into the shadows with no way of knowing whether she feels the same way. Whether risking that step forward would meet him with what he desires so much. 

However, with Amy Santiago by his side, he decides, he can do anything. He was just a little stronger, a little braver and a little more open. And as he stands on the edge, staring into the shadows, he sees doubt, fear, potential disappointment and heartbreak. But he knows that there could be more, he'll never know until he steps out of safety. 

And maybe he decides to take that step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are so sweet with all the comments and kudos ❤️  
> I love this story but I'm not sure how it's going--let me know: what do you think of it so far? what would you like to see more of in this story?
> 
> thanks!!


	6. out of all the wrong arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake reflects on how Amy has changed him, and has a conversation with Roger.
> 
> _a string that pulled me_  
>  out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE'S CHAPTER 6!! Guys this is a little heavier and angsty. Not a lot, but more than the chapters before so... um, don't hate me. Enjoy :)

A rehearsal dinner, Jake realizes, is just like a preview, a trailer into what the wedding is going to be like the next day. It’s just an excuse to celebrate a little more with family and close friends. I mean, he doesn’t _really_ see the purpose in having a rehearsal dinner — it just seems like so much extra work. But then again, Jake’s never gotten married before, and perhaps when you’re that in love with someone, you’d want to celebrate something as special as a wedding, as much as possible. Still, he doesn’t quite get the point of a rehearsal dinner, but he’s there anyways for Eli and the free food.

They’re sitting at a table with a couple other Peralta relatives, Amy being the polite person she is, is making small talk with his aunts and uncles. Jake, on the other hand has zoned out, thinking about the purpose of rehearsal dinners and what Amy said in the car — _just be honest with him and really talk to him—then hear what he has to say… try to listen._ It wasn’t mind-blowing advice, but for this situation with his father and how much Jake was already struggling with it — the advice was important and the words stuck with him. Well, really, what made it significant was what she said following that — _I still do care about you and I want to be there for you._

It didn’t matter that his father had left him, it didn’t matter that said father was currently walking into the hall with his mother —there was anger and frustration, but a sense of peace as well. A sort of strength that wasn’t there before. There was a little more courage, he was a little braver. Not that Jake was scared of his father — no, he wasn’t afraid of him, he’s just been hurt and angry. What he’s afraid of is _because_ of Roger — his father is the cause of his fear, but he’s never been afraid _of_ his father. Jake’s biggest fear, _abandonment,_ the fear is once again stirred up as his eyes follow his father. Everything about his childhood was so _wrong._ It was something that wasn’t supposed to happen to children. Fathers are supposed to love their boys, they’re supposed to _stay._ For years, nothing seemed to make sense, but all of the things that Jake went through, the things he experienced — it led him here. Here to Amy’s small hand wrapped in his own. He was constantly afraid of people leaving him, but the way Amy had stayed by his side all weekend, the way she didn’t book a flight back to Brooklyn when Roger showed up and ruined everything — she stayed and it gave Jake hope.

“You okay?”

Amy seems to have noticed Jake’s gaze directed at his father, and he relaxes as she squeezes his hand comfortingly. Turning to look at her, he’s overwhelmed with the softness of her eyes, the warmth of her smile—how these features speak so much understanding and kindness, it’s enough for Jake.

He returns her smile and nods his head.

“Yeah, I’m good. What about you? You seem to be becoming best friends with my aunts over there.”

Amy blushes and looks over at a couple of Jake’s aunts chatting animatedly.

“Hmm, well you know, they’re your family and it’s nice getting to know your family…you never really talk about them much.”

“I guess so, yeah I don’t. It’s—” Jake runs his thumb over her knuckles and relishes in the way she responds with eyes that light up.

“—it’s really nice to share this with someone else. I mean, as fucked up as my family can be, they’re still my family — and, it’s really cool that you’re the person I get to share this with.”

He gulps nervously and averts his gaze wondering if he’s gone too far.

“and…um—“ he looks down at the neatly set silverware, with _way_ too many forks, and takes a breath before continuing, “It’s also cool that you stay…that you didn’t run away. It’s—it’s nice to have you here…”

Jake trails off and feels Amy’s gaze on him as he fiddles with the edge of the table cloth. Was this crossing a line? Maybe this was too much, he was being too honest—maybe he should just stick to his go-to _make a joke out of it and avoid displaying emotions as much as possible._

“Jake, I—“ her voice is soft and so inviting it causes him to turn and look at her, and as he does he feels her other hand reach over and grab the hand that was occupied with a loose thread from the table cloth.

“I, I’m so _happy_ that I’m here with you and I—every family has its issues. Gosh, don’t even get me started on mine.” She lets out a small laugh and it’s with every bit of self control that Jake doesn’t just lean over and kiss her lips, and he makes a mental note to ask her more about her family at another time.

“It means a lot to get to do this with you…it’s nice and I wish I—um, so Jake, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to—”

At that moment, the speakers boom with Eli’s voice welcoming everyone and the group of families and friends bursts into applause for the couple. Amy seems to let out a breath of relief and smiles an apologetic smile at him before letting go of his hands and turning to face the front.

He muses over her words and replays her sincere voice in his head, wondering what Amy was about to say, if she was about to say what’s been on Jake’s mind as well. If the preceding words implied what he hopes for and if she could feel the same as he does — that she was about to take that leap. There were so many things in that weekend that felt right, that hinted that she _did_ feel the same. They’ve shared so many moments which gave Jake hope that this could be something more — that Amy cared about him more than a friend. It’s something he’s wanted for a while and getting a taste of it only made him crave for the full meal ( _not_ that Amy was a meal, or whatever but you get it— metaphors aren’t Jake’s strong suit). Could it be? Was that possible? For someone like Amy Santiago to have feelings for him?

Jake’s gotten too close to back out anymore, he needs to know the answers. And so he spends the rest of the dinner mentally writing a speech, running through the words he’s been thinking of voicing for a while now.

* * *

It was most definitely possible for Amy Santiago to have feelings for Jake Peralta. In fact, in the past two hours of talking to him about his dad, and getting to hear more about his family, to be exposed to a part of him he rarely spoke about — she suddenly felt significantly closer to her partner. The vulnerability and rawness—the genuine conversation and learning more about Jake, she liked that. She liked the ability to see and _truly know_ Jake. So in that moment, she was determined to let go of her fears and worries, and be a little brave. Until, that is, they were interrupted. Suddenly she was ready and didn’t care about her doubts, she just needed him to know—to know how much she actually cared about him. She wanted to know whether he felt the same, didn’t want to live in this in-between anymore.

After being interrupted, all confidence that she had built up faded and Amy wasn’t sure if she’d be able to build it back up again. She could only hope for Jake to get the hint and say something. Oh my god, being so hopelessly in love with Jake in uncertainty of his reciprocation is _exhausting._ Amy Santiago hates not having control and she _could not_ control her feelings for Jake, it was overwhelming and a powerful force in both the best and worst ways.

The rest of the dinner goes by in a blur of speeches, conversations and eating super fancy food. Amy barely pays attention to anything, her mind fully occupied by the whirlwind of all her emotions. It isn’t until she feels Jake tugging her arm that she realizes that the dinner was over and everyone was standing up to leave.

As they make their way out and into the hotel lobby, she hears a familiar voice and as both her and Jake’s head swivel towards the voice, she sees Roger and Karen shortly behind him, making their way over to them. Amy instinctively wraps her arm around Jake’s waist, rubbing what she hopes are soothing circles against his back. He shoots a small smile at her then turns to face his father.

“Hey, _dad…_ ” Amy detects a hint of bitterness and tugs herself closer to him, hoping that her words from earlier would be helpful for Jake.

Amy smiles tightly as his parents walk over to where they are. 

“Jake, son…”

“Don’t call me that.”

She winces as Jake tenses up a little beneath her arms and she continues rubbing his back. It’s not that she cares about Roger getting to make up with his son, or even for them to get a chance to build back a broken relationship. That’s really up to the two of them. The reason she encouraged Jake to talk to his father, was rather that he might have some sort of closure, to tell Roger what he’s gone through for the past years. It isn’t about the relationship, it’s about him and the way it’s affected him. In having the chance to do this, maybe Jake can make peace with himself and that inner voice that causes him to doubt himself. She hopes that while this may not mend the relationship itself, that this could mend his heart a little bit.

It’s weird to suddenly care so much about a person and their heart. Or how their relationship with someone else could affect them.

“Hey Amy…”

She looks up at Karen who has spoken up for the first time and she sees so much of Jake in his mother’s features — her smile, the deep, almond, brown eyes.

“…do you want to go get a drink, and—and let the men talk?”

Amy furrows her eyebrows and looks up at Jake who just nods slightly.

“You sure?” She whispers to him, and he squeezes her shoulder.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” He smiles and then adds, “thanks, Ames.”

And maybe it was the nickname, maybe it was the affects of the one glass of champagne she had during dinner but before her mind catches up, she’s letting go of him and leaning up to let her lips brush softly along his cheek then steps away and faces Karen.

There’s soft jazz music playing and dim lamps lighting the lounge area just at the back of the hotel lobby. She sits across Karen as she watches the two men walk out to the terrace outside and Amy’s mind is spinning with so many things — like, why or how she just kissed Jake, and what the hell was she doing with Karen alone, were they on a _hangout without Jake around_ basis already? Either she was really good at befriending mothers and aunts, or, Karen wanted to speak to Amy alone—but _why?_

Before Amy can start spiraling whether about the most recent cheek kiss or how to start a conversation with Jake’s mother, a waiter brings them their drinks and Amy occupies her handsby fiddling with small glass.

“So, you guys are really pulling it off well.”

Amy’s eyes flick up and she shifts awkwardly in her chair, frowning in confusion.

“What—I, what do you mean?”

“Oh, did Jake not—he told me about the whole pretending to be his fake girlfriend…”

“Oh! Right, yeah that—yeah-he, um he mentioned that you knew about that as well hah—”

Suddenly Amy feels self-conscious and a whole different kind of awkward. Of course, she wants to get to know Karen, _Jake’s_ mother, that’s why she did all that research on her. But also, sitting here alone with her in real life is nothing that a binder could prepare her for.

Amy chuckles nervously and takes another sip.

“So—uh…”

Karen smiles sweetly at her, unfazed by the thick cloud of awkwardness surrounding Amy.

“It just seems like you two aren’t pretending! You guys are either excellent, well-practiced actors, or just _really_ good friends.”

She drags out the really, and gosh Amy’s blushing like crazy now.

“Oh, huh, well you know, we’re detectives and we’ve had to do undercover things before so I guess—I guess this is just like that?”

Amy looks down at her hands and sighs, wanting desperately to change the subject, but simultaneously wanting to hear more about this from Karen.

“And—and it isn’t like this could be really, um — like be real life or whatever. Yeah, ‘cause it’s not — what, um, I guess what I’m saying is that this would never happen in our actual lives, Jake wouldn’t want this really.”

She shifts uncomfortably and slowly looks up to see Karen’s eyes glowing, exactly the way Jake’s eyes does when he’s excited or extremely happy about something. Five seconds go by where the older woman is staring at the younger woman and these five seconds of silence are way too long and dragged out for Amy’s liking, and Amy’s really not great in awkward moments.

“So—um, uh—” she stumbles over her words wondering if she should just excuse herself and go back to the room “—uh so, how’s your—”

“Amy.”

Her head jerks up as Karen speaks over her rambling.

“We both know that’s not true.”

“I—I’m not sure I’m following, what do you mean?”

“What you said—well, about Jake not wanting this. We know that isn’t true. It’s quite obvious, you know?”

Amy bites her lip trying to process all that her partner’s mother is saying, needing to clarify if she’s understanding correctly.

“Are-are you, no, that’s not true Jake _definitely_ doesn’t…”

_Could he?_

Karen lifts her eyebrows and gives Amy a knowing look.

“Amy, I’m not going to get in the middle of my son’s relationships but I _know_ Jake and have seen him fall in love with multiple woman and, it’s never been like this before. I don’t know how you feel or what’s going on, but I know my son and you’re definitely special to him.”

Words are stuck in Amy’s throat and she feels overwhelmed with this new piece of information. No, she feels like she’s been hit with more confusion and questions. This whole weekend has been _good._ It’s been so much fun, but it always seems like the timing was never right, and now she isn’t sure what to do next. There’s too much to think about and she needs like five hours on her own to analyze everything, then determine action points.

But as she’s trying to sort through her own feelings and questions in her mind, Karen’s words stick out in something of hope and possibility—

_Relationship._

_Fall in love._

_Special to him._

* * *

Jake was seething and biting down his lip prevent himself from bursting into anger like he’d done the last time. There were so many things he wanted to say — _years_ of built up emotions, doubts and a ruined childhood. He clenches his fist and focuses on the back of his father’s head as they make their way to the open air terrace by the lobby. He _really_ doesn’t want to talk to Roger, he doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. But he’s got to try, right? He still feels the lingering soft touch of Amy’s lips against his cheek and her hand, a grounding force against his back. It’s incredible how she keeps him steady in times like these — when everything’s a threatening storm, she’s his little oasis of safety. She’s also a driving force, encouraging him to do what is right, to stay firm in his beliefs and to pursue an honorable life. Amy just makes him a better person — makes him want to _choose_ to do what is right, no matter how much he’d rather not.

The night breeze is cool and dimly lit by some fancy string lights, his sneakers scuff along the wooden flooring and Jake tucks his hands into the pockets of his pants and leans against the railing, facing Roger.

“So, what’s up?”

Roger takes a breath and looks at Jake — and, his eyes look the slightest bit genuine and kind. Possibly a little sad, but how would he be able to tell? He hardly knows the man.

“Look Jake, I—uh, I don’t know how to say this—”

Jake sighs and rolls his eyes at the predictability of his dad. Asking to talk to him, and not knowing what to say—

“Oh, what about ‘I’m sorry for being an ass of a father’ or ‘I suck for leaving you and mom’ or ‘I’m a dick for never visiting you once in your childhood.’ I don’t know, those all seem like a good start.”

He knows it’s a little harsh but he can’t help the bitterness and spite that comes out. Jake bites his lip before he barrels on into a full-on resentful rant, knowing if he does it’ll end exactly like last night.

Roger winces a little, but frowns and nods reluctantly.

“I guess I deserved that” he exhales and continues, “What I was going to say was — yes, first off, sorry. I know an apology won’t make up for everything I did but I was an asshole, and I know I still am. I wish I could go back and change who I was and the things I did…but I can’t. And now, looking back, I realize how much it affects you and hurts you. And I—I’m really sorry Jake.”

Jake just stares at him, unsure of how to take in his words. Or how to respond to that. He doesn’t want to be naïve to immediately accept his apology, but also these words do mean a lot — really, it’s the only kind words his Roger has spoken to him…ever.

“I’m trying to be better and I know this won’t make up for anything but—I’d like to be involved in you and your mother’s life again…”

Jake narrows his eyes at him, trying to determine _what_ trick this man has up his sleeve.

“…and you don’t need to accept my apology—but, I truly, genuinely am sorry. And, maybe… I hope that I can work towards earning that.”

“I-I don’t really—I don’t know what to say. I mean, is _this_ why you came to the wedding?”

Jake huffs out angrily for a moment and closes his eyes to regain composure.

“Did you come because you wanted to ask my permission to come back into my life?”

He’s now glaring at his father, and Jake doesn’t really know what he’s so angry about, but he’s angry and needs to do something about it, and — _you can still be mad at him… just try to listen._ He closes his eyes and focuses on Amy’s voice in his head, again grounding him and keeping him straight. Right, he can be angry but he needs to be better about having more control and do what is right.

Roger sighs and rubs his hand on the back of his neck — an action so similar to indicate whenever Jake’s stressed out. And in that slight movement, he sees himself in his father, it’s almost a reflection of himself. The thought makes him shudder. But as much as he _hates_ being related to this man and having his genes, he still is family. He’ll listen Roger, but nothing more.

“Jake, I—I knew you were coming and I wanted to see you. I have for a while but—I was nervous and just, I don’t know—yes, yeah I came to see you and your mother. It felt like a good opportunity.”

 _You had a lot of opportunities before—_ Jake thinks, pursing his lips.

“I can’t give you an answer now. I—this is a lot and I don’t know, I think I need some time to think…and I can’t promise you I’ll say yes, but—yeah, I just need time.”

Roger nods and then leans over the railing, looking out at the beach and the dark ocean before them.

“Sure. Yeah. Think about it, you don’t need to have an answer now, or even by this weekend—but I really hope for more time together.”

Yet again Jake finds himself unable to respond — a mixture of _yeah I’d like more time together_ and _you’re the one that took away all our time by leaving_ at the tip of his tongue, two different sentiments, a mixture of hopefulness and bitterness stuck in his throat. He chooses to stay silent — something really rare for him in a time like this.

In one scenario, Jake would be yelling at his father, about how he abandoned his family, how he screwed up and there’s no way he’ll ever be a part of Jake’s life again. In another scenario, Jake thinks he would’ve left without a word — not even agree to talk to Roger at all. But in the scene that was currently taking place, there was a different Jake — one that’s new, one that thinks before he speaks, one that has a little more compassion and heart. One that feels a little more at peace and a little more secure.

After what’s probably five minutes of silence — nothing but the murmuring from the hotel lobby and crashing of waves along the shore — Roger speaks up again.

“So, seems like you and Amy really like each other?”

Jake winces a little as his father says her name… the thought of mixing someone so pure and loving with someone who’s quite the opposite — the thought makes him sick.

He hums in response, not really wanting to talk about this with Roger. Maybe another time — but, this isn’t something he deserves to know about.

“Yeah, I like her,” he pauses deciding whether to say anymore, about the reality of the situation he was stuck in, but then settles for, “I do. I um, I like her a lot.”

Roger turns to smile at him and Jake averts his gaze, nervously fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“Seems like she likes you a lot, too.”

Jake turns to face him at that, shocked at how Roger can tell, they must be really good at this whole pretending to date thing for his father — _what does he know about relationships —_ to say that.

“Really?” Jake counters before he can stop himself.

“Yeah Jake, I mean, I saw the way she looks at you… it’s—she _most definitely_ likes you. Anyone who’s within a few feet from the two of you would be able to tell.”

_Oh._

So, the things he saw in her actions, her words — the uncertainty of whether she could feel the same way, those things could actually be real? Could it…?

The hand-holding, the day she planned for him, the pizza bagels and Nakatomi Plaza, the spooning last night—the cheek kiss.

Could it…really…?

There was only one way to find out.

And, Jake decides they’ve wasted enough time. He needs to stop wasting time.

Shortly after this realization, him and Roger are walking back into the hotel lobby and as they do, he’s surprised to see his mother and Amy still in the small lounge at the back of the lobby. He assumed they’d just grab some drinks and Amy would head back up to the room but it seems like they were still deep in conversation. He smiles as Amy spots them and he feels his heart filling with warmth. He’s going to talk to her tonight. He knows there’s still maybe a slight chance—maybe, like 18% chance that she may not feel the same way. But, everything — all the time they’ve spent together, it’s pointed him towards her. And he’ll take the risk, he’ll take the risk if there’s a 95% or 88% — he can’t do math, but if there’s a larger chance of her feeling the same way — it’s worth it. And don’t even get him started on _his_ feelings. There’s so much he’s been wanting to say to her, and there’s really no time like the present. He’s done waiting. He’s done holding off for the right moment, he needs to be braver.

“Hey guys.”

His mother’s voice breaks him out of his thoughts and he realizes that he’s just been staring at Amy this whole time, rooted in the same spot in the middle of the hotel lobby.

“Oh, hey mom, I—I didn’t expect you two to still be here…what were you guys talking about for so long?”

Karen smiles a widely at him, then glances at Amy who’s nervously playing with the ends of her hair.

“Oh you know, just some girl talk. Don’t worry about it, Jake.”

She then eyes Roger hovering behind them and turns back to Amy.

“It was nice talking to you Amy, you two have a good night okay?”

Amy nods and smiles back at her and gives her a hug — Jake, a little confused at how close his partner and mother seem to be. Karen pats Jake’s back and walks off with Roger, and all of a sudden he’s alone with Amy and she’s shifting awkwardly on her feet, but still smiling _so sweetly_ at him it makes him want to burst with the overwhelming amount of affection he has for her.

There’s a few seconds of eyes locked into each other, and smiling in silence before they both speak up at the same time.

“Hey—”

“Do you wan—” 

Jake lets out a laugh and shakes his head, “You go ahead.”

“Oh! I, um was just gonna ask if we wanted to head back to the room? I mean…unless you wanted to stay here in the lobby?”

Jake looks around the lobby where there are lingering hotel guests, a small family seated at some couches, a couple in the lounge. And he decides if he’s going to admit his feelings for Amy, he should probably do it somewhere private.

“Right, yeah, our room— smort, that makes sense, since you know, that’s where all our stuff is, and where our bed is…” he chuckles, “shall we head up?” Amy nods then as they start walking, he adds, "there’s something I actually wanna talk to yo—”

_“Amy Santiago?”_

Another very unfamiliar male voice booms from the front desk, adjacent to the elevators they were heading towards, and Jake whips his head to see a tall, blonde haired, good-looking man clad in a blue t-shirt and black jeans. He furrows his eyebrows and looks down to see Amy’s eyes light up and—

“Oh my god! Lucas?”

She starts walking the short distance towards the man—apparently, Lucas — and Jake follows behind her. As they embrace, Jake’s heart clenches a little and wants to look away, wants to leave.

“Wow, it’s been so long!” Amy’s voice is light and filled with enthusiasm, “What are you doing here?”

Lucas smiles brightly down at Amy and as she returns the smile, Jake bites his lip, his heart no longer warm and secure—but filled with…was that jealousy? Oh god, he isn’t jealous, no Jake doesn't get jealous alright? He just doesn’t like seeing Amy smiling like that at other guys.

Okay, he’s jealous.

“Oh man, yeah it’s been a while! Well, I’m just here for the weekend, my cousin, Jess is getting married and she’s like a sister to me so I had to make the drive down here.”

Jake narrows his eyes at him, but softens a little as Amy tilts her head to glance at him.

“Really? Well, Jake…” She turns fully to slot her arm through his arm and pull him by her side “…my boyfriend’s cousin is Eli — the groom!”

Jake smiles and nods slightly at him.

“Wow, no way! What are the chances?”

Amy giggles and looks up at Jake who still is trying to take in and catch up with this conversation.

“Jake, this is Lucas by the way—we used to um, we dated for a bit in college, and he’s a really good friend. But god it’s been so long huh? Where are you now?”

Jake winces and feels the jealousy bubbling back up as he hears that Amy has _dated_ this attractive man. He can’t control the feeling as he learns this attractive young man had been a part of Amy’s love life. Although she just referred to Jake as her boyfriend, they both know this isn’t real. This isn’t real and maybe Amy doesn’t want it to be real. There’s this old flame right in front of her and _of course,_ Jake doesn’t stand a chance.

“Oh I’m in San Francisco now, but gosh, you know, I’m exhausted right now from the drive — but, we should catch up some time! Umm… what about over breakfast tomorrow? The ceremony isn’t till later anyways—”

“Yeah! That sounds great, uh—” she turns to look up at Jake, her arm liked through his the only thing that’s keeping him from completely spiraling (let’s be real, he’s already deep into the spiral).

“Hey, oh, Jake why don’t you join us? I’d love to get to know the man that captured Amy Santiago’s heart.”

His heart flips and it isn’t the good kind of heart flipping — he feels unstable and his grounding is shifting. And maybe he’s being a little overdramatic and not thinking sensibly, but it’s taken a lot for Jake to build up that nerve to confess his feelings to Amy and he was _just_ about to…and he really doesn’t want to be around when Lucas flirts with Amy or when Lucas asks Amy out — when their college romance is rekindled, or—

“No, hey uh—thanks for the invite but, you two should just meet…y’know, old friends, been so long, gotta make up for lost time, so much to catch up on!!”

He laughs a little too loudly and his over-enthusiasm makes him cringe a little and Amy eyes him tentatively before turning back to Lucas, nodding.

“Okay, so I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Sure! Yeah, can’t wait!”

The 18% of doubt has now risen to a risky 99% and even though Amy has her arm in his, even though she’s smiling at _him,_ the damage has been done. He was stupid to think that Amy would reciprocate his feelings for her. And now he was too late, yet _again._ He waited too long and now Amy was going to go out with super-hot-piercing blue eyes—Lucas.

Jake’s entire world crumbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG WILL THESE TWO IDIOTS EVER GET TOGETHER!? There was a lot in this, I hope it wasn't hard to follow.
> 
> Thanks for sticking around! Let me know what you think :)


	7. the boys who broke my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy recalls her past relationships and Jake deals with his jealousy.
> 
> _cold was the steel of my axe to grind  
>  for the boys who broke my heart_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! I'm back! I'm sorry it's been soooo long, I've been really busy with life, but thanks for sticking around and I hope this makes up for it!

Amy’s first love (apart from books, that is), was in the fifth grade. It was another Cuban boy — her mother’s friend’s son who spent a lot of time around her family. Honestly, it was just a really good friendship solely based on their shared love of books, nothing more — but, they were in fifth grade, so just a typical young-love situation.

She didn’t have much luck in middle and high school due to having extremely overprotective brothers who _also_ attended school with her. That didn’t really bother Amy, though — it gave her time to focus on her studies, on college applications without any distractions.

In college however, being friends with Kylie also meant that she was set up with boys _a lot._ There was Peter whom she went on several dates with (and who came out as gay a few years later), there was Chris, her longest relationship before Lucas — they lasted 9 months before Amy realized that they had different priorities and this relationship was never meant to be long term. He was also way too into football, and Amy was way too into studying, so their schedules never really lined up.

And then there was Lucas — things seemed to be going pretty well, Amy was convinced they were doing _really well —_ they really clicked, and it was the first time Amy thought about a future with someone else. He was kind, smart and not too clingy either, which was really great because Amy values independence. It was almost too good to be true. And well, it was — because as it turns out, just as they were nearing their one-year anniversary, Amy finds out that he’s been cheating on her with some other girl.

So, after Lucas she didn’t date anyone until Teddy. Her time in the academy had been solely about learning and training and scoring at the top of her class. It also took her a while to be able to trust any other man, to open her heart again. It was always like that — a guy asked her out because she was pretty and smart. Then after getting into a relationship, they realize she’s boring and end up leaving her. Then dating Teddy and how that ended was just a disaster — she doesn’t like to think about it but given her track record with dating, she should’ve seen it coming.

And now, she was sitting across her ex-boyfriend at breakfast in California. She was surprised, to say the last, seeing Lucas show up out of nowhere last night, it’s been a long time since she’s seen him, or even thought about him — trying to keep the past in the past. Amy had really hoped Jake would join them so that she wouldn’t have to sit through a breakfast alone with her ex. Jake just made everything better.

“So, it’s good to see you, it’s been so long—how are you doing? What have you been up to?”

Amy glances up into the man’s piercing blue eyes and for a moment she’s taken back to her college days, late nights in the library together, or the time she said _I love you_ to a boyfriend for the first time — _no, nope_ she wasn’t doing this, this wasn’t a trip down memory lane, this was also so long ago, they were full-grown mature adults who have gotten over the past.

She shakes her head and puts on what she hopes is a bright, happy smile.

“Yeah! It’s been a while, I’ve been good! You know, I decided to go into the academy, then after completing, I was a beat cop at another precinct before making detective then transferring to where I am now.”

“Wow! That’s so great. I remember you talking about wanting to become a detective—and maybe a captain in the future…?”

Amy laughs nervously, it was no secret that she was a high achiever — that she was working her way up to sergeant, lieutenant and hopefully captain some day.

“Oh, yeah — it probably won’t be a while, but yeah, that’s the plan.”

Lucas smiles at her, as she takes a bite of her food.

“Uh—um, so what have you been up to? Since graduating…”

Amy doesn’t really know what exes talk about when they end up bumping into each other over ten years later, but so far, this seemed to be going pretty well.

“Oh well, I currently work at…”

Lucas goes on chatting away about his life, and Amy realizes in a way, he’s a lot like Jake. Well, not really, but just in the way they like to chat and talk a lot. She zones out a little as he talks about his current job, the things he’s doing and —

“…yeah, so and — oh! I just proposed to my girlfriend, and so I’m engaged now!”

That grabs her attention and she looks up at him.

“Oh! Wow, Lucas, congrats—I—uh, um I’m so happy for you! That’s great.”

“Thanks! So…” he tilts his head at her, curiously, “how’d you meet Jake?”

“Jake? How did I…?” _Right,_ she was supposed to be in a _relationship_ with him. He wasn’t just a guy that she was helplessly pining after, he wasn’t _just her partner,_ they were boyfriend-girlfriend —well, to other people.

“Right, yeah, well, we work together. He’s my partner.”

She smiles as she thinks about Jake, chatting on about him and finding it very easy to share how much she enjoys being around him. She thinks about their partnership, his jokes and laughter. She thinks about how safe she feels around him. She thinks about the weekend and the time spent together. Then she thinks about yesterday and how _strange_ it was— first there was her conversation with Karen, and everything Jake’s mother said stuck with Amy and gave her more confidence or assurance about her feelings for Jake. She was finally coming to confronting the flurry of feelings that had been bubbling up throughout the weekend. To maybe do something about them, instead of just thinking about it.

Then as they made their way back to the hotel room last night, she couldn’t help but notice her partner (who was always talking about something, chatting away animatedly about some random topic), was rather significantly quiet. He immediately got into bed with all but a mumbled _goodnight Amy._ Did she do something wrong? Was he mad at her? Was it Lucas? Could he, actually…?

“Amy? Hey—hey”

Lucas waves his hand in front of her and she realizes that she’s zoned out, definitely _not_ paying attention to anything Lucas was saying.

Amy blinks her eyes a few times, shaking herself out of her thoughts as Lucas reaches across the table to squeeze her hand.

“S-sorry, I was—sorry, what’d you say?”

Lucas laughs and Amy looks down his hand laying lightly on top of hers, he quickly pulls back and smiles.

“I was saying, you and Jake look cute together, I wish the best for you—really…I hope things turn out good for you two.”

She sighs, smiling down at her food and softly says, “Me too…”

Lucas looks down at his plate nervously and sighs, “And-and I’m really sorry about how we ended things. I know…well, things weren’t great…I was an immature jerk. And, I now it’s been a long time, but I just want to apologize.”

He sounds genuine and honestly Amy’s touched. This wasn’t what she expected, when she sat down that morning, but it feels like a long overdue closure that she didn’t know she needed.

“Wow, thanks Lucas—that—uh, that means a lot.”

The past hasn’t been the best, history hasn’t been the kindest to Amy, but as she glances up in time to see Jake rushing into the hall heading towards his mother, she smiles — maybe the future will go a little easier on her.

* * *

Jake wakes up still wearing the clothes from yesterday. He really did just make a beeline for the bed and curled himself into the mattress trying to sleep his sorrows away. Trying so hard to not think about Lucas — attractive, blue-eyed, gorgeous Lucas, who also happened to be Amy’s ex. Who is probably asking Amy out right now.

Despite his efforts, Jake could not fall asleep. It was really distracting, Amy’s body radiating warmth from beside him, her long hair splaying onto his pillow and brushing against his neck. But most of his tossing and turning was out of frustration, out of anger. How did he _always_ have the worst luck? It’s already happened once — when Teddy Wells (ugh) swooped in and asked Amy out before he could. And it was happening again. Why did he have bad timing? Nothing ever worked out for Jake — _god,_ he was such an idiot.

He’s already exhausted and in a terrible mood as he makes his way into the breakfast hall, but as he walks in he immediately spots Amy and Lucas in the corner and he freezes in his tracks. Amy is smiling at Lucas and Lucas is laughing. Lucas also has a hand over hers, and as his eyes zero in on that, Jake feels an anger, a jealousy bubbling up. _What the hell._ He’s only started holding Amy’s hand this weekend, but it’s been the most incredible thing. It’s felt special, felt comfortable and he always feels safe and calm holding her hand. And now, seeing another man’s hand against her’s—it _does not_ make Jake feel comfortable. It makes him feel the very opposite of comfortable.

“Jake!!”

He shakes himself, realizing that he’s been frozen and staring. Turning his head, he sees his mom and Roger waving him over, but he really can’t deal with his father right now. He can’t see anyone, he just needs to be alone. He can’t do this.

So he walks over, grabs an apple from the breakfast bar and turns on his heel back out of the hall.

He doesn’t even like apples.

Jake is fuming with jealousy. He isn’t even going to try to deny it anymore. The door slams as he throws himself onto the bed face first and groans loudly.

 _Fuck._ He needs to get himself together. What was happening? He hates emotions, unless it’s happy and fun emotions. Or whatever emotion he feels when he closes cases — he likes that a lot. But right now, he was not feeling that at all. Oh, it was nothing close to that. And he does not like it, he doesn’t want to think about it, he doesn’t want to confront his emotions—his emotions of being helplessly, hopelessly falling for his gorgeous partner, of always wanting to make her laugh. But also emotions that feel dangerously close to possessive, which doesn’t even make sense since they aren’t even dating. _They aren’t even dating._

There was so much going on and last night he was so close, so freakin close. He was willing to be all up in his emotions for Amy — to be with Amy, or, to not be with her apparently. He really wishes—

“Jake?”

Jake jumps a little and rolls over to see oh, the only person that’s ever on his mind now, the woman he was just thinking about...dammit she’s so beautiful. Her brown silky hair frames her even more beautiful face and the way her nose is scrunched up all confused and concerned is absolutely adorable.

“...Jake? You ok?”

“Huh?” He blinks at her, slightly still entranced by her beauty before pulling himself to sit up against the headboard.

She tilts her head and smiles at him, padding over slowly and sinking into the mattress beside him.

“I asked if you were okay,” she lets out a soft giggle and Jake has to try so hard not to focus on the way her eyes glow as he glances over at her

“Oh uh, yea I’m fine, I’m totally fine, I-I’m fine, how are you?”

“I’m good...uh” she looks at him a little skeptical, “so-when do you wanna get ready for th-”

“How was breakfast with Lucas?”

It comes out quick and mumbled but he’s pretty sure Amy heard him because she has her mouth open and staring at him. He takes a breath and prepares himself for whatever she’ll say next, for what could just shatter his heart.

“Oh! Lucas? Um, yeah breakfast was good, it was great catching up with him.”

“Really?”

He swivels his head to look at her. _Good?_ What does that mean?

“Yeah, I mean, I haven’t seen Lucas or any of my other college friends, well, except for Kylie — so it was actually kinda nice.”

_Kinda nice._

“Oh, okay. Uhh that’s great.”

Jake doesn’t even realize how high and broken his voice sounds as he averts her gaze, fiddling with the corner of the covers, unsure of what to say or how to approach this, how to figure out—

“So are you dating Lucas now?”

_Shit._

Shit. Shit—damn it him and his stupid stupid mouth.

“ _What?”_ Amy sounds taken aback, her hair whips as she turns to face him.

“What are you—where—what…?”

Jake peeks up at her tentatively, nervously glancing at her.

“Jake, what are you talking about?”

Jake stumbles over his words, mumbling, “I don’t know, just I thought maybe...”

“Maybe...”

“Uh um maybe that, he asked you out...?”

“Lucas?”

Jake closes and lowers his neck, shaking his head.

“You know what, it’s fine, this is none of my business, I don’t know why I...”

He’s rambling again and this was a bad idea, Jake thought he wanted to know but he actually doesn’t, he doesn’t want to hear about how _great_ Lucas is and how she’s going to actually ditch him at the wedding, and he’ll be back at where he started this week. Sad, lonely and single—like for realz single and fake single too.

“Jake...”

She reaches to touch his forearm and that gets his attention, turning over to meet her eyes giving him that soft look again.

“Wha...”

“Would it be bad if he did?”

“Would it be...huh?”

“Would it be bad if he _did_ ask me out?”

Jake stammers and really wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Things were going so well and he really thought the touch on the arm meant that maybe...but no, no no no.

“Uh I think—I um, I think that’s fine, you know, I think that’s great! That’s so great that you’re dating, I’m so happy for you!”

She squeezes his arm again and he flinches a little, really just wanting to be alone now.

“Jake, Lucas didn’t ask me out.”

“Wh-what, he didn’t...?”

“No! Of course not, Jake...he didn’t... why did you think he would?”

“I just thought—since you guys dated there was-y’know, that you guys would...”

She pulls her hand back and crosses her arms, sighing.

“What? That we would get back together? Jake, this is my ex-boyfriend from _years_ ago. And he has a girlfriend, wait no, _fiancée_ , yeah he’s _engaged_ and—”

Amy sighs exasperated and now Jake wants the ground to swallow him up for a completely different reason.

“Amy, I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean to...”

Amy shakes her head, and bends her knees up, hugging it to her chest and resting her chin on it.

“No-no, it’s okay, it’s fine. I just, even if he weren’t engaged, or taken, I would never get back with Lucas. He and I—”

Jake shifts a little, turning his body to face her, noticing the change in her tone. Her voice is a lot quieter, a vast contrast to the frustrated tone she was rising towards just a moment ago.

“Ames… you don’t have to, I’m sorry I said that I just, I don’t know what I was doing.”

Amy shakes her head again, chancing a glance up at him.

“No, no it’s just we didn’t end well, and I guess it just, he was the last guy I dated before Teddy, I, um, he cheated on me and after that I just though that—that guys never really dated me for the right reasons? I don’t know, everyone always gets bored of me or something. They find out that I’m not fun or I’m too nerdy and just leave…I don’t know, this was years ago, but in college it really broke me. I mean, things are fine now, he apologized and he’s a good guy—but, but you know, you can’t change the past and it still sucked…”

Jake now has his arm around her and she’s leaning against his shoulder, small and curled into his side. His heart aches for her and he hates himself for getting so jealous, for being so possessive when really he should’ve been a friend. He’s her partner and friend before anything, he shouldn’t let his feelings get in the way. And now, he wants nothing more than to protect her, to be there for her, to shut his mouth and just listen. Screw his emotions, nothing matters unless Amy’s okay.

* * *

At first, Amy was confused, why Jake was so curious about her and Lucas. Not that it mattered, but if she didn’t know any better, could he be _jealous?_ No, no it can’t be. And either way, while the breakfast _had_ gone well, and it really was nice to catch up with an old college friend — it still reminded her of her many insecurities brought up by her past relationships. So, she had a lot on her mind, and could barely pay attention to the way Jake was acting — jealous or not. But then all of a sudden she’s blurting out her insecurities and doubts. Voicing her thoughts of many, many years, an inner battle that while it has built her up to be a strong, determined woman — it’s also broken her down in the past.

And now, Amy breathes out, Jake’s arm laying lightly around her shoulder, his warm breath against her hair, and his fingers stroking up and down her arm. It feels nice, comfortable. Well, of course it feels nice to be in this position, to feel so comfortable in Jake’s arms — something she probably, really, _definitely_ wants more of. But it also feels nice to get this off her chest. She tries not to talk about her past relationships often, and for the most part she’s gotten over it, but it still feels good to talk about.

It’s a lot, though, and suddenly she feels uncomfortable offloading all of this onto Jake — he has so much going on already, he shouldn’t have to deal with her stupid ex-boyfriend issues. Why was she doing this — where was this all coming from?

She tilts her head back to look at him.

“I’m so sorry Jake that was a lot, I didn’t mean to just dump that all on you, you don’t need to listen to all of this, it’s stupid anyways and I—”

Jake smiles at her and shakes his head “Ames, it’s okay…” his voice is soft and kind and oh, so gentle as he goes on, “It’s okay, I want to hear about it, I want to listen — I mean, god, you listened to me go on and on about my dad, and just—this is a two-way thing y’know, I’m also here to listen to you and be there for you, too. We’re partners, and that’s what I’m here for.”

She smiles at him, trying really hard to ignore the quickening thumping in her chest.

“Thanks, Jake.”

Why was he being so _normal_ about it? A minute ago, he was being _really weird._ But now…he was being _nice._ No jokes about her dating life, no teasing her about the lack of relationships as a young adult — just true genuine comfort. She sighs as she studies his face, seeing concern and care—understanding, and so much more. She sees his eyebrows drawn together, but his caramel eyes so, so, thoughtful, his cheeks slightly tinted pink and his lips curled up slightly into a soft smile. His lips that she wants so badly to kiss—to kiss him and to tell him how she feels — that she doesn’t want to date Lucas, but she also doesn’t want anyone else, because she wants him.

And this weekend together has been so good, being his fake-girlfriend to this wedding might just be th—oh god, the wedding—

“Oh my god, Jake — the wedding”

She pulls back and immediately feels a loss, wanting to lean back into his embrace, into his touch, but she shakes it off quickly, lifting her arm up to look at her watch.

“Oh…okay, um—the wedding’s at two right?”

Jake lifts his eyebrows at her and nods, eyes widening in fear, “Yeah, oh god, what time is it? Did we miss the wedding? Oh no, dammit, is it two already?”  
Amy shakes her head and laughs a little, “No, no it’s only 12:30, we still have time to get ready. I just panicked for a second—because, well we can’t miss the wedding—Jake, that’s the whole reason we’re here.”

He laughs and breathes a sigh of relief.

“Right, yeah but I mean, given my track record I wouldn’t be surprised if I missed the entire wedding, because of something stupid.”

Amy shifts her legs to dangle off the bed away from Jake and turns her head to look at him, one eyebrow raised, smirking at him.

“That is true — but you forget that _I’m_ here as well, which means that we’ll definitely be on time to everything — especially the wedding.”

Jake rolls his eyes but is smiling, and Amy can’t help but grin back at him, the tension and heaviness in the room suddenly lifting — replaced by a familiar lightheartedness that’s so natural between the two of them.

“Oh and by _on time_ do you mean what 10 minutes early?”

Amy feigns an offended look and scoffs before standing up and crossing her arms, enjoying the amused look on her partner’s face.

“ _What?_ 10 minutes? Jake, this is your cousin’s wedding — we definitely have to be there 20 minutes early, _minimum._ ”

His smile breaks out into a laugh and she joins him in it.

“Man, I should’ve known — true Santiago Style eh?”

She chuckles and walks over to her bag, shuffling through some items.

“And your mom told me last night that she wanted to get there early with us — you know, since you guys _are_ family and it’d be kinda rude to be the only Peralta sitting in the back of the hall.”

“Hmm—I guess you’re right, in school I always sat in the back of the classroom, well, that is when I made it to class, but I guess—wait, my mother told you that? When did…oh…”  
Amy freezes, almost forgetting that she hadn’t talked to Jake about her little conversation with his mother last night.

“What did the two of you talk about? Was it me? Did she tell you all my embarrassing stories?”  
Amy fiddles with the zipper of her bag and grabs some clothes before turning to face him, a smile plastered on her face.

“Yeah, that—yeah, she shared some stories, and uh—um, she wanted to hear about my family. That’s all.”

Amy quickly pads over to the closet and grabs a hanger.

“So, I’m going to get in the shower and get ready—is that cool with you?”

Jake has his eyes furrowed in such an endearing way, paired with his crinkled nose and pouting lips. Amy blinks, resisting the urge to just crawl back into bed, into Jake’s arms and just grab his face and kiss that pout off his lips.

Thankfully, Jake’s voice breaks her out of her thoughts.

“Uh- yeah—shower, yeah um of course! Go for it.”

She smiles at him then quickly rushes into the bathroom.

She closes her eyes and sighs as the hot water hits her face. Finally, finally, she was alone. Not that she disliked her company, she just needed a moment alone with her thoughts. Well, thoughts _and_ feelings. A lot of them. This whole weekend has been a whirlwind — on the one hand, she’s really enjoyed her time with Jake, really just really been loving being his fake-girlfriend. Sometimes she would forget that all of this is just pretend, and for a moment she lets herself live in the incredible feeling of being Jake’s girlfriend, of getting to hold his hand and laugh with him. To hear him introduce her to his family as his girlfriend, the way his arm tightens around her waist, how his eyes soften when she gets caught staring at him just a little too long.

But then on the other hand she feels that pit in her stomach. When the moment passes and she remembers that she _isn’t_ really Jake’s girlfriend. And she really, badly wants it to be real. Getting to see all of him—his family, even his father, and hearing about his childhood, the good and bad has felt so special. And after Jake Peralta for so long, being his partner, watching him crack jokes and make bets with her, it felt like she was only _just_ getting to know him.

About 30 minutes later they’re both showered and Amy’s just finishing applying her make in the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror, the long, mid-length dress she chose to go with — one that’s been sitting in her closet for awhile now, just waiting for a special event, for a reason to put it on.

She looks at her reflection and she thinks of her conversation with Lucas, of how naïve young Amy was to fall for a guy like that so easily. But she also thinks about how guarded she’s become, almost unwilling to take risks and be a little brave. To shy away from what _could be_ in fear of what maybe _couldn’t be._

She thinks about how she was so close to spilling her feelings to him yesterday, the adrenaline from the day out and the happiness coursing through, driving the confession right to the tip of her tongue. She remembers Jake wanting to tell her something before Lucas showed up, how his whole attitude had changed after.

Their timing never worked out. In the past, and even right now. The universe seemed to always bring them so close, draw them close enough to get a taste of _what could be,_ then pull them apart. It was cruel, and Amy had enough. She caps her mascara, shoving it into her makeup bag and tucks a stray hair behind her ear, composing herself.

Screw the universe. Screw being afraid and guarded.

As she walks back into the room, Jake is sitting at the edge of the bed, legs dangling and all dressed up in a classic suit. He was staring down at his hands, holding two different neckties, allowing Amy the chance to stare at him, to take in a rare sight of her partner in anything other than a plaid shirt and hoodie.

Jake looks up, sensing her presence. 

“Oh, hey Ames, do you—”

He stops mid-sentence as she closes the distance between them and he looks dazed, mouth hanging open slightly and staring at her.

“What’s up, Jake?”

He coughs and she notices an audible gulp before he speaks, voice slightly hoarse, “Um, eh well, uh—y-you look really nice. Um, you look beautiful, Ames.”

She smiles and tucks her hair behind both ears at the same time, blushing slightly as she sits down beside him.

“Thanks, Jake—so,” she looks down at the ties in his lap, picking up one, “which tie are we going with today?”

He blinks, looking down at her hands, then back up at her.

“Oh, yeah I was gonna ask, which one should I go with? This blue one is my lucky tie, but this maroon one is my good-date tie…and,” he looks up at her, “it kinda matches your red dress — should we match? Or is that too much? Maybe the blue will compliment your red and that would actually look better? I don’t know… _god_ I’m not good at colors.”

Amy chuckles as he takes a breath and looks at her. She then lays the maroon one over his shoulder.

“This one.”

He smiles back at her then starts putting it around his neck, Amy focused on his fingers as he works around the material.

Screw right timing and waiting for the right moment.

“Hey Jake...”

Jake looks up as he tightens the tie.

“What’s up?”

Amy fiddles with the material of her dress, nervously.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to—wanting to say for awhile now and I guess I’ve been too afraid to say anyth—”

_Screw the universe._

Amy’s interrupted by a loud sound, which she realizes is the door, someone on the other side knocking insistingly. She groans and closes her eyes, all words now lost as she curses herself and the forces of bad timings.

“Shit, here let me get that.”

Jake pushes himself off the bed and quickly jogs over to the door, opening it to reveal Karen and Roger standing slightly to the side.

“Hey guys!!” She chirps brightly and smiles as she looks at her son, “oh, Jake you look so handsome! Are you guys ready to go?”

Jake looks back at Amy and she smiles a sad smile at him, before standing up to go grab her purse.

“Uh, could you give us a second? We just need to get our stuff then we’ll be right out — um…”

Amy looks over at him, his voice now inaudible to her, whispering something to his mother. She busies herself with snapping on a necklace and looking at her reflection once more, as she hears the door shut and walk back towards her.

“I told them that we’d meet them downstairs in a bit.”

He leans against the wall, looking at her.

“Great, uhh—you ready to head down soon then?”

Jake searches her eyes, and her eyes flick down, her bare feet toeing the soft carpet.

“Yeah…” he stares at her a little longer, contemplative, then smiles and turns around, “let me just get my shoes then…”

He grabs his shoes, slipping it on and she follows him, grabbing her heels from her bag and kneeling down to clasp it on. And as she stands back up she realizes how close Jake is, standing right in front of her, their chests almost touching and her breath hitches as she slowly looks up at him.

Screw the universe.

Screw right timing.

Screw waiting.

Amy reaches both hands up to grab his face, drawing herself in the short distance, letting her lips sink into his. She feels him freeze under her touch for a moment, but then he returns the kiss with just as much fervor, molding together softly. They both sigh as his arms loop around her waist, sliding up to her lower back, keeping her close and deepening the kiss until they have to come up for air.

She’s panting and a little dazed as she blinks herself back to reality, taking in his startled eyes and now swollen lips, that’s starting to curl up into a smile.

They stay like that for awhile, just processing, taking in everything.

Amy returns his smile, deducing that the fact he hasn’t pulled away, that he still has his arms wrapped around her and is ever so slightly stroking up and down her back means something.

Jake speaks up first.

“Ames…I—“

She panics, now unsure and doubting her actions, whether what she did has potentially ruined their friendship, and now taking risks and letting her guard down seems stupid. Dammit, what was she thinking?

“Jake, I’m sorry, I—” she pulls away but he only tightens his grip around her, and he closes his eyes, shaking his head, smiling.

“No, no Ames—I’ve been wanting to do that for awhile now…”

He opens his eyes and she’s staring at him, shocked. Stunned. Well, _shit._

“Really?”

Jake’s eyes soften and he leans back down, bringing a hand up to tilt her chin towards him, and they both melt back into each other — moving with a little more confidence, and Amy lets herself be enveloped by him.

His hand cups her cheek and her fingers crawl up into his hair, enjoying the way he sighs into her mouth as she scratches her nails down. She closes her eyes and lets herself enjoy the moment, enjoy the way his thumb strokes her jaw while his other hand moves up to run against her exposed back. Amy pulls on his lips slightly, and he moans softly, welcoming her, and she’s wondering why she waited so long to do this. This felt _incredible_ and she never wanted to go another day without kissing Jake.

Jake pulls back slightly, smiling, and he mumbles against her lips, “We should probably head down soon. Don’t wanna be late.”

She hums and as she leans back in to peck his lips once more, she doesn’t care if they’re a little late to the ceremony, or if they do end up sitting at the back of the hall while his entire family’s in the front. She’s never felt so good, so happy, so content, than right now in Jake’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH! What did we think?  
> I think someone asked for a kiss this chapter, and I wasn't gonna write it in, but then it happened. 
> 
> THANK YOU guys for waiting around so long and for reading! A question for possibly a future chapter -- how do you feel about smut? Yay or nay? Let me know! And get ready for healthy helpings of fluff in the coming chapters 💕


	8. were there clues I didn't see?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two recover from the incredible kiss they just shared. Amy has a confession to make, and Jake lets her into the most vulnerable parts of himself. 
> 
> _were there clues I didn't see?  
>  and isn’t it just so pretty to think  
> all along there was some  
> invisible string_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!! I finished this earlier than expected. It's a little longer, and a lot packed in here, but I hope you enjoy :)

Jake couldn’t believe it. Amy kissed him. _The_ Amy Santiago, his partner, friend and crush of many years just kissed him. And god, did it feel good. It felt so easy, so right—call it a cliché but — it felt like they were made for each other. How did it take so freaking long for them to do this? This weekend was already going so amazing, _way better_ than he had expected, but her kissing him, and running her fingers through his hair, holding him close and melting into one another — _yeah_ that was something else. He had to physically shake and force himself to pull away from her, well, before he got _too_ into it, before he got too carried away. And also, because they were going to be late to the wedding. But mainly the first thing — it was hard, and the way she looked at him with those soft, earnest eyes that darkened just the slightest as he runs his hands down her back — it was hard to pull away.

What was even more of a challenge was figuring out _what the hell_ the kiss meant. Like, did it mean something — a possible romantic stylez thing — or, was it just a kiss? Did she just want to hookup? Was it just a casual thing? Oh god, was he reading all of this wrong?

 _Oh_ , but the way she clutched onto his arm as he pulled her out of the room and rushed down the hallway, or how she smiled brightly up at him on the elevator ride down — it felt like something more, something that he’s wanted for so long.

They were now sitting pretty close to the back of the hall as the bridal party makes their way down the aisle but Jake’s mind is spinning, thinking about the kiss and her soft skin currently wrapped under his arms, across her shoulders. He wants to talk to her so badly, or maybe kiss her again, either would be fine. He’s broken out of his thoughts as Amy leans against his shoulder and whispers, “Jess looks beautiful, huh?”

Jake hums and squeezes her shoulder, leaning down to whisper back, “Yeah, she is...” then smoothly adds, “you look beautiful as well.”

She flicks her eyes towards him, smiling bashfully, and Jake enjoys the way the blush rises in her cheeks — he finds it adorable, but, who is he kidding, everything she does is adorable. And as she tries to suppress and hide her smile, she shifts slightly, leaning her head on his shoulder and Jake grins. He glances at the happy couple up front, the officiant starting to speak, then he looks back down at Amy. And as the couple share their vows, Jake is overwhelmed with all of his emotions. Maybe it’s just because they were at a wedding and Eli’s vows are super sweet and emotional. But also Amy’s basically snuggled up against him and he wants to just hold her and tell her how much she means to him—how much he likes her.

The wedding goes by quickly, Jake mainly distracted by his own thoughts, completely enamored by the woman beside him, and as the newly weds make their way out, as they applaud and cheer, Amy turns to look at him, a bright _gorgeous_ smile on her face. And Jake can’t help himself. He’s impatient and he needs her to know. He draws her into a hug and her arms curl around underneath his suit jacket. He holds her close and he wants to just tell her how much—

“Ames I—I really like you.”

It comes out just above a whisper, a mutter against her hair, and amidst the buzz of the applause and conversations, he wonders if she even heard him. But he knows she hears him because he feels her tense up under his arm. She pulls back and turns to look up at him, eyes searching, and he really wishes they were alone now, or that he would just keep his mouth shut and picked a better time to do this. But he never had great timing, so here they are.

Amy blinks a few times and her voice is barely audible as she breathes out, “you do?”

Jake can only smile hopefully at her, nodding his head slightly. Amy swivels her head around as people shuffle around them. And as she turns back to him, his heart drops. Because Amy is looking at him with a look he’s all too familiar with. It’s the same expression she had when he came back from undercover and stupidly told her _again_ that he wasn’t over her. She has a sad, almost apologetic smile, and her eyes are so beautiful but there’s something else there he hasn’t seen before.

“Jake I—” She glances around then starts tugging on his arm, and her lack of verbal response makes him nervous.

She’s dragging him out through the crowd and he barely gets a glimpse of the bride and groom because his heart is doing somersaults in anticipation and anxiety of what the hell Amy was doing right now.

Amy pulls him out down the patio deck and onto the beach, far enough from the crowd that they have a little bit of privacy. And as she finally stops and turns to face him, Jake’s fidgeting with his fingers, avoiding her gaze, trying to decide whether he could come up with a good excuse to not go to the reception. He’s gone from deeply infatuated to extremely nervous in a snap because he can’t help but think he messed up. Amy wasn’t saying anything and he shouldn’t have said that, damn him and his stupid mouth.

* * *

When Jake said he liked her, Amy was without a doubt over the moon. This was all she ever wanted, all she could ever hope for and she really wanted to kiss him again. As she sits by him, things feel different. As she leans against him, she loves how his arm curls around her so naturally, how she fits into him so well. She loves the way his fingers traces mindless patterns along her shoulder, she loves how his shoulder feels against her, she loves his lips brushing against her hair. She loves it when he calls her beautiful and she loves it when he gets all nervous. She loves the way he squeezes her hand. She loves—she loves _him_.

She loves him, she’s known for maybe 24 hours now and her heart is drumming rapidly against her chest as she pulls Jake out of the hall and outside, taking the short walk down the deck onto the beach. She can hear the other guests chattering and congratulating the newly weds, and Jake is saying something, but everything’s a blur because she’s frantically formulating her thoughts in her head, trying to figure out how to tell Jake, or whether she even should.

Amy spins around and it’s really hard to stop the smile that curls up, because — well, he just looks adorably confused and his cheeks are a little flushed. My goodness and he looks so damn good in his suit with the maroon tie, and she has to force herself to focus on the matter at hand. Which, right now is about her bursting emotions for this man.

“Amy…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that—look, it’s okay, I’m a jerk, god I can’t — me and my stupid mouth, I just can’t stop talking and you know what? We can just forget I said any of that and just go back in…just go back to being a fake couple.”

He lets out a laugh, trying and failing to lighten the mood, and he looks almost — sad? upset?

“What—wha—what do you…”

“Amy just, it’s fine. I know you don’t like me, it’s—I know I lost my chance and you’ve moved on, and you’ve been so nice to me, coming out here with me this weekend and I—”

Jake keeps on rambling, but Amy doesn’t really hear any of it, because wow, Jake’s really stupid. What was he talking about? He thinks she doesn’t like him. He thinks that …what? That she just kissed him for fun? And now he’s spiraling and she needs him to just _stop._ Jake really doesn’t know when to stop and so she silences him with a kiss. A method of getting him to shut up that she’ll definitely be using again.

“Mmmph—mAmeess”

He mumbles against her lips and tries to pull away, but her lips are insistent. Amy hums against his lips, bringing her hands around his neck, fingers sliding up into his hair, and whines a little as Jake pushes himself away. And Amy’s a little taken back when he takes a step back away from her.

“Jake—”

Jake is shaking his head and crosses his arms as he stares down at his feet, and Amy can feel her heart drop. She needs to fix this.

“No, just…Ames, don’t…”

“Jake, wait...” she reaches over and takes both his hands in hers “Jake, listen to me...I- I didn’t want to say anything inside because—well because I don’t...I don’t just like you...”

She takes a breath and looks up at his now confused eyes, and she can tell he’s panicking again so she pulls herself closer to him, squeezing his hands.

“I-I mean, I like you too, I really really do, you have no idea....”

“You do...?”

She smiles at him, then looking down at their hands she says, “but—Jake—I-I—don’t just like you it’s…”

Jake tilts his head down and tries to find her gaze, and when he meets it, when she looks into his warm eyes, she swears she only falls in love with him even more. It’s crazy that they’ve barely confessed their feelings for each other and she’s _already_ in love with him. She was already encompassed by this incredible emotion. And maybe it’s too early, and maybe she’s being a little impulsive — but Amy _knows_ this is real, that this isn’t just a spur of the moment thing. Years together with Jake, being his partner, friend, and now…something more…she loves him and she can’t hold it back much longer.

“…I don’t just like you, Jake…” she feels a rush of confidence as she slides her hands up his arms, rubbing his biceps, then resting on his shoulders, looking affectionately up at him.

“Jake, I love you. I—I love you, and I’ve known for awhile, and, you don’t have to say anything, it’s—it’s we don’t even know w-what this—what we are, yet…but I just need you to know th-that I love you.”

Amy’s heart is pounding and she can feel the heat rising up in her cheeks and Jake is smiling now, his arms come to circle around her. Her eyes flutter close as he leans in, and they stay standing there for a moment, foreheads pressed against the other, her fingers curling up the nape of his neck, his hands grazing the material of her dress against her lower back.

“Ames…” he breathes out and she smiles as she feels him tightening his grip around her.

She hums and opens her eyes, just as his hand comes up to caress her cheek, thumb running against her jaw and she instinctively leans into his touch, melting into _that_ soft look he’s giving her right now.

“I—say that again…”

She blinks a few times before smiling widely, a hand coming down to fiddle with the collar of his shirt.

“I love you, Jake. I’m so in love with you.”

Jake grins widely, bright enough to put the California sun to shame, and before she knows it, he’s drawing her into him, and he’s kissing her passionately — locking his lips onto hers, gently until he pulls her bottom lip, drawing out a whine from her. Amy leans her body closer to his chest, using her arms looped around him to pull him closer, if that’s even possible. His tongue runs along her lip and she smiles into the kiss, in turn feeling Jake’s lips curl up as well, causing them to pull apart — just far enough that their noses are brushing against each other.

“Wow…” is all she can get out as she sighs, running her hand through his hair. Because _wow._ Kissing him was so _addicting._ She was addicted. She sees his pink, swollen lips and feels a heat rush down through her, thinking about everything else he could do with those lips.

Oh god she was absolutely and so deeply in love with him, she’s gonna—

“I love you, too.”

Her eyes widen and she has to steady herself, clutching onto his shoulders, then looking into his eyes to confirm she heard him right.

“Wha—Jake, you don’t have t—”

“No, Amy I love you. I love you and now I’m kinda upset you beat me to it, god why do you always have to be better at everything?”

She throws her head back laughing, and he joins her, smiling widely.

“You’re such a dork”

“Mmhmm”

She shakes her head at him then moves to rest her head against his chest, nuzzling her nose in the crook of his neck and wanting to just live in this moment forever, to just relish in this incredible feeling — something she wished she’d done sooner and will hopefully have forever. But the music from inside reminds her that someone will _probably_ notice their absence if they stay out here much longer, and they aren’t just here to hangout on their own.

“We should probably head back inside” she mumbles against him and he only pulls her closer, feeling his lips pressed against her hair.

“Mm…nope, m’good, just wanna stay here with you. Amy Santiago just told me she loves me and nothing else matters, nope.”

Amy giggles and pulls back, looking up at a pouting Jake.

“Do we really have to go?”

Oh, and his glimmering puppy eyes are _very_ convincing, and she so badly wants to drag him back to their hotel room so they can be alone, just the two of them…but she’s still Amy Santiago, so she opts for leaning in to kiss him once more — uhh, because she can — then pulls back and starts walking backwards towards the hotel.

“Mm, love you, Jake…but, we have a wedding to be at right now.”

She raises her eyebrows and intertwines their fingers, enjoying how he pouts even more, lip jutted out adorably and shoulders slumped as she tugs him towards her slightly.

“You coming? Or are you gonna stand out here the rest of the evening?”

Jake shuffles towards her and groans but he’s smiling, “nooo, course not, I’ll go wherever you are...just I wish we were alone”

Smiling at him, she reaches up to adjust his tie then slides her hand down, gripping his jacket and pulling him towards her, and whispers, like she’s sharing a dirty little secret - and also hoping it comes off more seductive than she thinks.

“Oh, we’ll spend a lot of time alone later, don’t you worry.”

She ends with a kiss on his cheek and laughs at his throaty whine.

“C’mon, Jake I think the reception’s about to start.”

Amy loops her arm around his waist and sighs as he does the same. She starts walking back in when he leans down to mumble against her ear.

“Ames?”

She hums and tilts he head slightly towards him.

“I love you.”

Amy grins and feels so content. How was this happening? How did they go from partners fake-dating at a wedding to...partners in love with each other? She hadn’t even told Teddy she loved him, and now _Jake Peralta,_ her annoying, immature, idiot, dorky, but also kind and cute, and not to mention, really attractive co-worker just told her he loved her. Jake Peralta loves her and _she loves him._ This man makes her laugh and keeps her life exciting and somehow he’s found a way to permeate so much into it that she’s fallen in love with him.

This isn’t just a workplace crush anymore — if this weekend’s shown her anything it’s that Jake isn’t always the class clown, obsessed with his job, charming, all laughs and jokes guy. He has baggage and he has insecurities, he isn’t perfect like Boyle makes him out to be, and it’s only made her fall in love with him even more. It was so nice to see another side of him, a side that she cares for and wants to protect and keep close to her.

It makes her nervous and slightly terrified, but also incredibly excited, longing for more.

* * *

Amy Santiago likes him — no, she _loves_ him. And god he loves her too. So much. It’s actually insane how much Jake loves her and it’s so bizarre that he gets to say that out loud, that he gets to hold her hand without any pretense or performance. He gets to kiss her any time he wants to and he has to pinch himself every twenty seconds to make sure that this isn’t a dream — that this is actually real, and not some fantasy, because honestly it was _all_ of his dreams come true.

Much to Jake’s chagrin, they were now at Eli and Jess’s wedding reception, which, was very similar to the wedding rehearsal — except with more people, well, and _now_ he had a real, actual girlfri—wait, were they boyfriend, girlfriend? They didn’t really clarify, really they didn’t have the time to talk about it but it was all happening so fast. They sort of just skipped everything and went to confessing their love for each other — again, _bizarre, a dream._

“Jake!”

Amy’s calling his name and wow he loves her voice, how has he never noticed how soothing her voice sounds — even when she’s annoyed or mad, it just seems to put him at ease.

He turns to look at her and she has an amused look on her face, shaking her head at him.

“Your mom was asking you something.”

Jake blinks a couple times, slightly distracted and definitely entranced by the beauty that is sitting right next to him. Then he turns to look past Amy at his mother, currently seated by her friend Lucy who Jake vaguely remembers from when they first arrived, and Roger — wow okay, Jake almost forgot about his father amidst everything, but he tries to ignore him, instead squeezing Amy’s hand intertwined with his under the table.

“Sorry, uhh, what’s up mom?”

She smiles knowingly at him, then turns to look at her friend.

“No, it’s just—Lucy here was wondering how you and Amy got together and I thought maybe you should share.”

“Oh! Uh, yeah I can totally share—uh how we got together…” he glances over at Amy who’s trying to suppress her wide grin and he rolls his eyes, this is easy now, he doesn’t even have to pretend anymore.

“Yeah, well I guess I’ve had a crush on Amy for like _ever,_ and y’know, timing never really worked out — she was dating someone, then um, I was in a relationship for awhile. But…” he smiles and softens a little as he notices Amy now turning to face him, her thumb running along his knuckles in gentle circles.

“…but, I guess things finally worked out. And we’ve been partners for a long time and I-I was too scared to do anything because I thought it’d ruin our friendship—b-but, well, one day…” he glances at his mother who is looking at him with wide eyes and a look that he can only categorize as _pride,_ and he feels his heart swell with a sense of satisfaction. He smiles at his mom then continues “…one day, Amy decided to take the leap and be the braver one and just everything’s been easy from then. We know a lot about each other so…so, it’s really easy and comfortable and…”

He sighs, no longer looking at his mother or Lucy now, but fully focused on Amy’s eyes staring back at him. And he sees it now, sees the love that shines in her eyes, the fondness and affection, and _damn_ , he wonders how long he’s been looking into them yet never noticed just how much love is filled within her deep brown hues.

“and…it just feels so right, you know…it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Just—just been too scared and waited too long.”

Her eyes flutter and mouths, _I love you,_ to him, and it feels like the moment’s suspended in time. All oxygen seems to leave him breathless, in disbelief — almost as if the reality that _Amy Santiago loves him,_ like, romantic styles she loves him — is all hitting him at once. There’s a flurry of noises, laughter, music and across the table he vaguely hears Lucy comment on how _special_ or _cute_ they are, but everything seems to fade into the background and the only thing that matters is those gorgeous eyes and even more beautiful woman. He scoots his chair closer to Amy, intent on getting as close as he can to her as possible, and she smiles at him, shifting herself close enough to lean her head against his shoulder. She lets out a content sigh as his arm wraps around the chair, coming to graze her bare shoulder.

Just as Eli’s brother, the best man, starts speaking into the microphone, his voice cutting through his thoughts, Jake leans down to whisper another, “I love you, Ames.” Because he’s going to say that — and keep saying it for as long as Amy will let him.

Amy responds by resting her hand against his thigh, squeezing gently and letting it linger, tracing circles against it, and god, it’s kind of making Jake a little crazy. Her soft skin feels so good under his fingertips and she looks so good — so _sexy_ in the red dress, the skirt just long enough to keep him curious. Her hair is wavy and brushing against her shoulders, different from her usual pantsuit-ponytail get up, and Jake wants to tuck her hair behind her ears and place soft kisses against her neck, or, really anywhere she’ll let him. And now her hand was rubbing against his thigh and nothing else really matters.

The reception goes by in a blur. He wishes his cousin congratulations, Amy chats it up with his aunts again, now with a different light in her eyes. They eat a bunch of way too fancy food, he loads up on the tiny tuna tacos and Amy comments on the different types of bread they’re serving. At some point, they find their way to the bar and they’ve only had a couple drinks but Amy’s talking really loudly and Jake’s laughing trying and failing to remember the drinking scale Gina had made for Amy, he’s sure _loud Amy_ is on the scale somewhere.

“Oh my god! Jake wow I can’t believe you did that!”

He doesn’t even remember what they were talking about, but Amy’s giggling, at some joke he made and she’s _so loud,_ so Jake has to comment on it, tapping her shoulder playfully.

“Gosh, Ames I love you but you’re _so loud_ ”

Amy blushes and covers her mouth, mumbling, “oops, sorry two drinks. Maybe I should have another drink so we can get on the dance floor!!”

She slurs her words lightly and giggles as she waves the bartender over, Jake shakes his head fondly at her and as she grabs two shots, handing one to him and chugging the other, Jake glances behind her shoulder.

“Here comes Amy Dance-pants!!!”

He glances behind her shoulder and frowns a little.

“You’re not ready for this Peralta, I’m gonna—” she reaches to press her hand on his chest and pauses, seeming to notice his demeanor and now Jake is staring straight ahead, past her eyes. His dad is walking over towards them. _Roger_ is walking over and he really doesn’t want to talk to him right now. Because he’s with Amy and he wants to see her dance, even if it’s dorky and really bad. He’s with Amy and everything’s perfect and pure with her, which is just about the exact opposite of all that Roger is.

She follows his gaze and slides her hand to his bicep, squeezing and looking at him worriedly. He looks down at her and then back at his dad and he really wants to go back to laughing with Amy, to not feeling this bitterness threatening to spill over into anger, or rage.

“Hey Jake,” Roger leans against the bar and Jake reaches down to grab Amy’s hand, which she takes and squeezes, releasing some tension Jake didn’t realize was there.

“Hi Amy…” Roger looks at Amy and Jake tightens his grip, moving so that his shoulder is in front of her, in a supposed protective move.

“What do you want, _dad_?”

Roger raises his eyebrows at him, then sighs, “I was-was just wondering if we could talk? I don’t know if you’ve thought much about what I said last night but I thought we—”

“Nope, haven’t thought about it yet, and _actually,_ I was just about to go dance with Amy _,_ so if you would excuse us.”

Jake hops off his bar stool and Amy follows closely behind him silently and he supposes that maybe he’s being a little harsh on his dad. Especially after their conversation last night, maybe he should calm down a little, but he doesn’t really care about reconciling with his father anymore—he’s got everything he needs right here, currently moving to wrap her arms around his neck as he loops around her waist.

He smiles down at Amy, drawing her closer and swaying to the music slightly, enjoying the way her fingers curl up warmly against his neck.

“Jake…”

“Ames, I’m so sorry I don’t know why he keeps wanting to try and _fix things,_ like he can just fix years of being a horrible dad. Like somehow he’s earned the right to just barge back into my life and…"

He trails off, realizing that they’re barely moving more than just embracing each other, Amy’s fingers stroking the back of his neck, and he also realizes that he’s rambling. And that Amy’s being so _kind._ But she doesn’t deserve his anger and frustration. She doesn’t need all of this baggage, all of this—

“Hey, you ok? You know you can talk to me right?”

She smiles at him and Jake sorta wants to cry because there she goes with her eyes so full of love again.

“I—well, I don’t even know where to start just...”

The music seems to fade into the background as Amy continues swaying them, right hand locked around his neck and her left cupping his cheek, running her thumb along his cheekbone.

“Jake...” her eyebrows crinkle and she leans her forehead against his, he smiles slightly, feeling a gentle calm wash over him.

“Jake, what did your dad tell you last night?”

Again, his instinct is to brush it off, to build a hedge around his heart and avoid even talking about this. It feels too vulnerable and a little terrifying to let the hardest part of him, of his life, be so exposed. But this is Amy and _she loves him._

He sighs and runs his hand along the expanse of her back, closing his eyes, recalling the conversation with Roger last night.

“He wanted me to give him a second chance...he-he wants to get back with my mom and...” he shudders a little at the thought, “...he wants me to I guess give him permission or approval or whatever.”

Jake pauses, and opens his eyes to meet Amy’s, and in the hum of the slow music and dim lights reflecting off Amy’s face, he decides that it’s okay to talk about this, it’s okay to let other people in, _especially_ when the other person is Amy.

“He also said he was sorry…which, I didn’t expect from Roger. And even after all these years — it-it was kinda nice to hear that from him. I don’t really want to—to give him what he wants, but I guess, I’m also kind of hopeful?”

Amy nods and stares at him, seeming to be deep in thought, and Jake doesn’t know what else to say, but right now he’s slow dancing with Amy and so he focuses on that. They sway in silence, almost as if to let his words and all the heavy emotions sit for a moment before letting it take any form. It’s a lot to think about and Jake’s never had to deal with so much bitterness and hope in one package before. That a horrible man like Roger could also be the source of hope — it was almost impossible.

It’s awhile before Amy speaks up. Jake almost forgets what they were talking about, as her head comes to rest on his chest, murmuring softly against his neck.

“I don’t know, Jake — I don’t know what you should do, or what the right thing is. Because, your dad really sucks…but, but maybe _you_ deserve to at least explore that hope? To see what might come out of it?”

She sighs and Jake smiles as her breath tickles his neck.

“And, maybe…” she continues as Jake reaches up to run his fingers through her hair, “maybe some good could come out of it?”  
Of course, Amy, ever the optimist, always seeing the best in people — the world doesn’t deserve her. She’s too good, too good of a person and he loves her for it but Jake, ever the pessimist —

“But what—what if it’s just horrible? What if, I give him a chance and end up being disappointed? Like—like always.”

Amy hums and he feels her smile against him, leaning up to kiss his jaw, tilting her head up to look at him.

“Then I’ll be right there, Jake.”

She reaches down to grab his hand, lifting up to his chest — resting their intertwined hands right over his heart.

“I’ll be right by your side to figure it out, even if things ends up going to shit. But you gotta try right?”

Jake smiles and he’s so captivated by the way Amy so effortlessly takes a shitty situation and makes it better. The way her presence just makes all tension disappear, keeping him grounded — it was like her superpower. And she was right — of course she was right, she’s Amy Santiago and he loves her. He loves her for being here, for being so smart and so caring.

He leans down to kiss her softly and they’re in a public space and there’s a lot of people around them but he doesn’t care. He loves Amy and he’s going to kiss her because she’s an angel who somehow stuck around long enough to love him.

Amy kisses back, pulling closer to him and deepening it by tugging on his neck and he smiles as they part. Filled with so much happiness that it doesn’t matter that his father is sorta ruining his life by being here — the way that Amy makes him feel is enough for him.

“Mmsorry Ames…I know we wanted to get hammered and just have fun…I’m sorta ruining the mood.”

Amy shakes her head and kisses his cheek.

“It’s ok Jake, it doesn’t matter what we’re doing—I’m always having fun s’long as I’m with you. Plus, the night is still young, we still have time to get hammered and have _fun…_ ”

She winks—or, she tries to and it’s kinda dorky and definitely the cutest thing Jake’s seen and it makes him laugh with delight.

“Well, I can’t wait, but…” he sighs and slumps his shoulders, “I guess I should go find my dad now…”

“D’you want me to come with you?”

This woman. _How_ does she do it?

“Will you? I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to but- I would love if…you would — it just…”

“Jake, of course I want to. I said I’d be there for you, and I meant it. So if you want me to come with you, I will.”

He smiles at her and she reaches down to grab his hand, tugging him slowly off the dance floor back to their table, all the while unable to keep their eyes off each other. And it’s weird how much Jake was smiling despite the situation he was in with his father. Amy’s bright smile is contagious and he isn’t complaining.

When they get to their table, Karen’s chatting with one of his aunts but Roger is nowhere to be seen. Karen smiles brightly as they approach, eyes flicking between Jake and Amy excitedly.

“Hey mom, have you seen dad?”

“Oh! Roger? Uhh…I’m not sure, I haven’t seen him in awhile, I assume he’s just catching up with some family maybe?”

Jake’s aunt chimes in, “I think I saw him going out onto the terrace by the lobby, you might find him there. I saw him earlier when I went to the bathroom and you know what, that reminds me of a something that happened…”

Jake turns to look at her and offers a small smile before interrupting with a quick thank you, hurriedly walking away with Amy before they get looped into one of her stories that will have no end to it. Amy chuckles behind him and he smiles at her, as they weave their way through the crowd, stepping into the lobby and towards the terrace.

“I wonder what he’s doing out here? All the guests are inside the hall and I don’t think…”

He trails off as they step onto the wooden deck, the soft breeze making Jake shiver a little bit. It takes him back to the night before, his first real conversation with Roger in _forever,_ and he wonders whether conversations with dad are going to be just exclusive to this patio on a beach in California, or if he’ll still want to talk to Jake even when they go home. He wonders if maybe this is the time Roger will stick around, text him a dad joke every once in awhile and possibly remember his birthday.

Amy squeezes his hand and again her presence is grounding him, keeping him from spiraling too much.

He steps out and squints into the darkness, all but the dim string lights illuminating the area.

“Jake…”

Amy whispers cautiously and he turns to face her but she’s look off into the other side of the terrace. The ocean waves are crashing against the shore and Amy is clutching his arm now and the dim lights would make the scene romantic except it’s shining just bright enough for Jake to follow Amy’s gaze.

His eyes flick over and he sees his dad. He sees his father—Roger — asshole, jerk and coward. He sees his horrible dad making out with — god, he sees the blonde hair and her face comes into view — it’s Karen’s friend Lucy. His heart drops and the bitterness is back. He feels a familiar anger sparked up but Amy’s looking up at him, studying his reaction, then her arm slides to his back, rubbing his lower back in soothing circles and leaning up to lean her head against his shoulder.

He’s frozen, rooted to the ground, just staring because he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

And he’s angry.

But Amy leans up to whisper, “Jake, I’m here, it’s okay.”

And things were _not_ okay.

But maybe they were. Amy is looking at him with a sweet kindness and love that battles with the bitterness and rage — and it’s kind of funny how two complete opposite emotions could fill his heart all at once. Roger was a horrible, selfish dick. And Amy was a thoughtful, selfless angel.

Her arms are circled around his torso and everything is okay.

And Roger is making out with his mother’s best friend and everything sucks. 

Everything seems so contradictory and Jake’s left feeling empty, numb. And all he feels is Amy’s hushed whispers against his shoulder and her fingers trailing against his back.

Things were great, Amy loves him.

Things were awful, _Roger_ was awful.

But maybe Jake would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so I considered Roger becoming a better person but also didn't want things to be fixed so easily, I don't think it's in his character to do a complete 180 AND this fic is intended to be exploring Jake's background a bit more. SO bear with me through a little more angst and hurt because the comfort and fluff will be worth it!
> 
> also, all of you want smut 😉😉so that will come soon, I just need time to get it right.   
> THANK YOU for reading and all your comments! I appreciate it so much💕


	9. hell was the journey...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy has some words for Roger Peralta, and Jake confides in her.
> 
> _hell was the journey...  
>  (but it brought me heaven)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! it's been so so long! I've been crazy busy the past month and a half and the development of this chapter just took forever. Can you believe Taylor Swift produced _another_ album since I started writing this?? Ok but I didn't forget about this and here's the next chapter -- it's a little different, slightly more hurt/comfort than usual for ya. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy ❤️

This was not great. Honestly, this really sucks. Amy feels horrible, sick to her stomach — just, everything about this was so fucking wrong. Right, so it wasn’t news to her — in theory, she _knew_ that Roger Peralta was a horrible person. A horrible father to Jake, and a terrible husband to Karen. But Amy always believed in second chances, in giving a person the benefit of the doubt — and, she cautiously thought the same of Roger.

She’d heard parts of who Roger was, some stories of Jake’s past, but this weekend really was the first time she’d encountered him. And Amy thought that maybe, _just maybe,_ there was some hope for Roger Peralta to turn over a new leaf. But after hearing all about him and what he had done to Jake — how Jake had to grow up without a father, how much it affected Jake and how much it hurt him…then now, seeing him making out with Karen’s friend — right after telling his own son that he wanted to be a part of their lives again. To let him back into the family? To forgive and forget? _What the hell?_ Who does this man think he is?

Amy almost feels bad for trying to convince Jake to give his dad a chance. She feels bad because she knows that Jake had some hope — he held on, that maybe his dad wouldn’t be a horrible jerk this time. But now she knows. She knows how much of a jerk — _an asshole_ — his dad had been all these years, how much he _still is_ a jerk. And he doesn’t deserve someone as amazing as Jake.

And Jake…sweet, kind, Jake — he deserves so much more. He doesn’t have to defend himself, he doesn’t need to be the one who puts Roger in his place. He shouldn’t have to endure the same cycle of his dad coming, disappointing and hurting — just to leave again. And as she watches his face go through a series of emotions, as his whole body tenses under her, she loves him and wants to do everything in her power to care for him, to remind him that he doesn’t need this jerk of a dad to be loved. She loves him and right now she’s _angry_ at Roger.

Amy is overwhelmed with emotions. She has one arm wrapped around Jake, squeezing him tightly as they both take in the scene in front of them. She’s filled with so much anger and a strange sort of empathy — one that’s experienced in somehow understanding all of Jake’s emotions that’s been kept in over the years. The ones that has caused him to build a wall around his heart, and deflect with humor and jokes. She understands that it’s _Roger_ who’s caused his insecurity and caused Jake to doubt himself. And yeah, it’s made Jake a little hard to deal with at times, and yeah, he can be such an annoying, immature partner sometimes — but, Amy loves him, every part of him. And she’s going to make sure he knows it. Make sure that he knows he’s still worth loving and he doesn’t need a dad like Roger because he has so many other people who love him.

He has her. And maybe, hopefully…that would be enough.

Jake is silent beside her and when Roger finally pulls away, he notices them staring. Everything else seems to fade away, the music and noise behind them muted and Roger and the woman — Amy can’t even remember her name any more — their faces half-lit by the string lights. Amy’s eyes flick up to Jake as Roger’s gaze reaches his son’s. Jake’s jaw is clenched, his cheeks flushed and eyebrows creased together. He looks angry, confused…and his eyes, his usually bright and excited eyes—now brimming with tears—he looks sad, and it stirs up an awful sadness in Amy as well.

Jake doesn’t say a word until Roger quickly panics and rushes over to them.

“Jake, I—”

Jake takes a step back, Amy’s arms slipping out, and she reaches to grab his hand and squeeze it — somehow needing the physical contact to assure him that she’s there, that this really sucked, but she’s there. Every step of the way.

Jake looks over at Amy for the first time since they encountered this horrifying, disgusting situation and Amy sees his eyes watering even more, and her heart sinks even more. He tugs on her hand and speaks hoarsely

“s’go Ames…”

And he sounds defeated, small…just a beat away from breaking down. It happens in slow motion and all at once. For one, she isn’t just angry — she’s _fucking furious._ Amy _hates_ that Jake is feeling this way. Even though they were barely an item, just declared their love for one another, she knows that in whatever situation, she would vow to protect and advocate for Jake. That she would do everything in her power to protect, love and defend him. So what she does next is unlike her something she would’ve never seen herself doing — but then again, love makes you do crazy things.

She takes a step towards Roger who is cautiously standing close to them. She takes a step to the side, half in front of Jake, their fingers still intertwined, and she shakes her head at Roger, eyes flaring with anger.

“Amy?”

Roger cocks his head and looks puzzled as Amy coughs out an exasperated, choked with emotion, laugh.

“You are unbelievable.”

“Excuse me? Wh-what—what are you doin—”

“You have _no right_ to barge back into Jake’s life like that! You can’t just come back asking to be a part of Karen and Jake’s life saying _you’ve changed,_ when obviously—” she waves her free hand wildly towards the blonde woman lurking in the back “—obviously, you haven’t at all!”

Roger smirks—he actually smirks at her, _god,_ the audacity. And Amy just wants to punch him right now. She clenches her fist to avoid doing so.

“Alright, Amy…” Amy grimaces as he says her name, and she kind of hates him even more — if that’s even possible “…this is between my son and I so if you could just step aside…”

Roger does a side step and Jake tugs himself forward, but Amy slips her hand out of Jake’s to step in line with Roger, Jake’s body now fully pressed up against her back and her other hand reaches back blindly to grab his wrist and slide down into his hand.

She feels Jake’s hot breath against her neck as he whispers, “Ames, it’s ok, we don’t have to. It’s not worth it.”

Amy shakes her head, still staring straight at Roger.

“No, no Jake you’re worth it, you’re always worth it. And somehow this _asshole,_ has failed to see how worth it you are. And somehow…” she’s talking to Roger now, glaring angrily at him, “somehow, Roger…you think you can just say _sorry_ and slip back into Jake’s life. That somehow you can _ignore_ years—year, dammit of your absence. Oh, come on, and you know what? You know what I told Jake?” She’s yelling now, and she can’t tell but there must be tears in her eyes because she can’t focus on Roger’s ugly face, and her blood's flowing up into her head in fury.

“I told him—I told Jake, that maybe, _just maybe_ he can hold onto the hope —to give you a chance. And that maybe the hope would be worth it. And oh my god, you don’t deserve a son like Jake. Because Jake deserves so much more. And now — _this_ is what you do to him, god, not to mention Karen?! What the hell? You know what, this isn’t between you and Jake — this is just between you and you. Jake’s done everything _right._ He’s grown up without a father and that fucking sucks. But he’s grown up to be an incredibly kind, loving man. And Jake is one of the most wonderful person I know.”

She takes a breath, squeezing Jake’s hand so tightly now, and she feels a single tear roll down her flushed cheeks.

“So fuck off, Roger. You don’t deserve Jake. He’s become an incredible man purely out of his own work —you’ll be lucky to be half a great of a man as him. And Jake will _never_ be a man like you. He’s too good for that.”

She doesn’t know how long Roger stands there gaping at her, or how long it takes for her to calm down and get her breathing back to normal, but it’s only when she feels Jake pull her arm tightly that she turns around to face Jake.

And when she does, Jake is looking at her with a hint of shock in his face, a sadness in his eyes that shakes her out of the anger and her eyes soften, suddenly feeling guilty. Guilty that maybe she’s overstepped here. Maybe this wasn’t her place to say any of this. She feels the heat of her anger dissipate and searches Jake’s eyes, his mouth opening and closing, no words coming out.

Amy takes both his hands in hers and squeezes.

“I—I’m so sorry Jake I—I’ll just— I’ll go back up, you can talk to—just—”

Jake shakes his head, squeezing her hands and smiles slightly at her.

“No, no…” he looks over he shoulder and Amy can’t bear to turn around and face Roger again, to look at his ugly, awful face so she just stares at Jake, studying his features.

She feels his hot breath against her cheek as he speaks, his jaw clenching and eyebrows pulling together.

“No, I think we’re done here.”

Amy hears shoes scuffing against the wood.

“Wait, Jake I didn’t…”

The older man’s hoarse voice echoes behind her but her eyes are fixed on Jake. Jake, who's lips curl down, causing Amy to frown along with him, running a hand up his forearm, as she hears Roger taking small steps towards them.

Jake’s eyes flick down to hers and she offers a smile—an apologetic smile, because this just sucks, and she hates that she bursted out in anger like that. But she doesn’t regret it. Amy’s more sad than angry now. Sad for Jake. For the pain he must be feeling, the frustration, anger, the hurt. Oh god, the hurt—he’s gone through so much already and this is the last thing he needs.

“Ames…let’s go.”

Jake tugs on her arms and she hears Roger protesting but doesn’t dare to spare another glance at him in fear of bursting into anger again. So she lets her fingers slot in-between his, gripping tightly as he pulls her into the hotel lobby quickly weaving past mingling guests from the reception, and his face is fixed ahead, away from her. And she really wants to see him, to apologize, to make everything better. She wants to fix this, to go back and slap Roger — yes, _that’s_ what she would’ve done if she had turned around and saw his stupid face again. And now she regrets not doing that.

She wants to fix this, to help Jake. But she doesn’t know how and what’s going through his head, and now he’s dragging her into the elevator, and with the momentum she gets pulled in, she crashes right into his chest.

“Oof, Jake I—”

She tilts her head up to look at him and his eyes are dark and glimmering. His lips parted slightly, and as she slides her head up to his chest to gain balance, she feels his heart beating rapidly.

“Amy…” he breathes out, then reaches over to hit the elevator button.

“Jake I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—I—“ He tilts his head towards her, their noses brushing and she feels his warm breath against her lips, “—Jake, are you—”

The rest of her sentences gets muffled against Jake’s lips, pressing into hers. Insistent— _desperate,_ pulling, wanting and Amy’s gasp is absorbed as Jake works his lips against hers. In the shock, Amy’s flailing hands winds up around his neck, as his slide up from her waist, against her back. She presses back into him, responding hesitantly at first — but the sensation is so addicting, the shock wears off quickly, her eyes fluttering shut as she melts into him. It’s just as his tongue is running along her bottom lip that she’s mildly aware of the elevator doors dinging and also she’s running breathless, pulling away and both gasping.

She looks up, his eyes half-lidded and dark — and _god_ she wants to kiss him again, and so she does — on the cheek, restraining herself from anymore as she mutters a _c’mon Jake,_ and pulls him out the small space into the hallway.

And Amy’s still wary as they pad down the carpeted hall — she’s still a little hazy, but mostly sober, and now her mind’s spinning through the sequence of events that just occurred, in a matter of hours. There was the wedding, then telling Jake she loved him, _Jake_ telling her that _he_ loved her, kissing him and that feeling of _finally,_ laughing along with him at the reception, the slow dance, the intimacy — then, Roger. Everything was perfect, everything was like a damn dream come true and suddenly it took a turn — no, it fucking _crashed_ and burned — into a horrible nightmare.

She can’t describe the pit in her stomach, the awful, awful feeling of knowing and now witnessing Jake’s father hurt his own son again. She now knows how Jake’s life — his thoughts, actions and words have somehow been affected by his broken childhood. She’s always known that he uses humor to deflect, he masks his emotions and avoids hard conversations. And yeah, sometimes it can get stupid frustrating — but there’s something deeper underneath that Amy’s just discovering. Where there is all of the deflection, avoidance, there also lies an even deeper hurt. And it breaks her heart.

Amy wants to be there for Jake. She _loves_ him, goddammit. She loves him and she wants him to talk, to tell her what he’s feeling— but she also knows that this is _Jake._ And, Jake needs time. He may never want to talk about this, and she wants him to talk so she can know what’s going through that head of his. But she’s going to be there, no matter what, through the masking and avoiding — for whatever he needs. And right now, as their hotel room door shuts behind them, she discovers exactly what he needs.

She doesn’t even register what’s happening until she’s smothered by an onslaught of _Jake._ His whole body engulfs her, driving with a little too much force up against the door. His hands wrapped tightly around her waist, and his lips are buried in hers. It’s painful, overwhelming and glorious all at once.

“Mmphmm—”

Amy tries to pull away, and all but gets a gasp out before he’s attacking her lips again.

But she doesn’t fight it, she just lets him take it. If this is what he needs, then she told herself she’d be there. She’d be here to give it to him. And, to be quite honest, it isn’t like she’s _not_ enjoying this. She’s very much into this — but really wishes that it wasn’t after they walked in on Jake’s father making out with some woman. And she also hates that she knows that Jake is doing this to distract himself. From the pain, the hurt and the fucking ugly truth.

She lets him take. And she gives. She responds eagerly, pulling, trying to match his energy and intensity. The door knob is digging into her hip and she barely registers the pain because Jake’s lips have trailed across her cheek, down her jaw, and as he bites softly, running his tongue over it, she feels a rush of heat and lets out an involuntary moan.

“J-Jake…” she stutters out, and her hands find purchase around his torso, clutching onto his back as she practically melts against him.

Jake hums agains her neck now and she can’t help but grind up against him, loving how he works his lips down her neck — it’s soft, and affectionate. It’s forceful and persistent. It’s all she ever wanted. This is something she’s thought — dreamt about, what his lips could do, what his hands could do. This is more incredible than she could even describe. _This is happening_ , this is something that she never thought would happen. This is her partner, her best friend, her annoying colleague who’s challenged her throughout her career. This is _Jake_.

Jake’s warm, intoxicated breath against her skin sends shivers down her spine and it’s overwhelming— and now she’s _immersed_ in him, his hands, rough and calloused, are sliding up her bare back and she’s sure it bruises her back as his fingers press into her skin. She gasps and runs her hands up his neck into his hair as he leans down to suck right above her collarbone.

Then, all of a sudden, he goes from harsh and fervent to soft and sweet. As he starts ghosting kisses against her skin, it isn’t just the sudden change in tempo that causes her to lift her head up and eyes flick down to him. She feels it and her heart clenches. Jake is pressed against her chest, and really she would be welcoming him in, gasping in desperation for him to touch her and she would reciprocate eagerly — but Jake’s pressed against her chest and his cheeks are wet. She feels a wetness against her skin and there’s a slow stream trickling down the fabric of her dress.

Jake is crying.

No, he isn’t crying, he’s sobbing, gasping and collapses into her with a muffled whine. Amy, bless her incredible reflexes, uses one hand to grip his elbow, steadying him, and her other finds itself wrapped around his neck, fingers sliding into his hair as she cradles and holds him against her.

He sobs into her chest and she lets him.

It’s a stark contrast from what he was doing mere seconds ago, and perhaps it should scare her away. Perhaps, if it were anyone else, they would run away, and that thought itself breaks her heart because that’s _exactly_ what Roger did. So she stays. She stays and she holds him, murmuring words of comfort against his forehead, intermittent kisses pressed on his soft curls as his nose presses into her neck and he cries into her.

Jake’s released her from against the door and she carries half his weight as she guides him towards the couch a few steps away, and all but falls onto it backwards, with him collapsing on top of her.

“…Jake…”

Amy whispers as calmly as she can manage with the man she just confessed her feelings to, whom she just defended and whom she _loves,_ is now cradled against her chest, sobbing silently.

She sits herself up, and shifts so that Jake’s half laying on her, his head and wild curls against her, a wet spot now forming on the fabric of her dress. His hair is _oh_ so soft and feels so good tangled between her fingers. And all she wants to do is to run her hand through his hair, hoping that it comforts him in some way, that it chases the pain away.

She continues the repetitive motion, in the process trying to form words that may comfort him. Racking her brain to figure out what to say and make Jake okay. Because it breaks her heart. She’s angry and upset. She feels deeply for Jake, and all she wants is for him to be happy.

His sobs subsides into soft whimpers and she rakes her hand through his now disheveled curls once more before leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead. And she doesn’t know why, or how the words come out, whether it’s the right words to say but she whispers against the shell of his ear,

“I love you, Jake…I’m here for you.”

And his eyes which were squeezed shut flutter open to meet hers — in the dim light, she sees his eyes shine, and she smiles. Because these eyes will never fail to make her smile.

* * *

Jake never meant to crash and burn like that. And _especially_ not right into Amy’s arms — literally.

First, it was fucking dope — super badass — how Amy stood up to Roger like that. Honestly, even Jake didn’t have the guts to say all that she said, but somehow, _somehow —_ super smart and gorgeous Amy Santiago said _exactly_ what he was feeling. Even while yelling in rage, she spoke so eloquently, using — well, using words. And Jake isn’t good with words so thank goodness for Amy. Oh, thank goodness for Amy because he’s a mess. He’s overwhelmed with feelings, a true rollercoaster of emotions, a spectrum ranging from anger, disappointment and grief — to something of safety, of calm, peace…of love.

Boy is he in love. And it’s so new, it hasn’t even been 24 hours since he first said the three words to her and yet it feels so right, so comfortable. Then to _be loved_ by Amy — that was an absolutely new thing to experience and it was so good. Gosh _good,_ doesn’t even begin to describe it. It makes him fall in love with her even more Jake didn’t know it was even possible to feel this way for another human being before Amy. And she not only defended him, but she gives what he needs, she _knows_ what he needs, and she’s present. _She doesn’t leave._ Even at his worst, she stays.

And now he knows that he’s a mess. He _hates_ his father, how dare he ruin the night like that. How dare he try to come back into his life, claim that he’s changed when really, he’s _exactly_ the same. He hates him and he fucking loves Amy. It’s a weird cocktail of emotions to be drinking in at once but Amy stays and that’s all that his poor brain is registering right now.

Amy’s gorgeous hair and flushed cheeks, her shiny eyes and smooth, tan skin against him. The way she runs her fingers up his back, to the nape of his neck. Suddenly he’s not just intoxicated on alcohol, but also on love, on Amy Santiago. He’s mesmerized by her — her touch, her gaze, her voice. And one moment, he’s desperately kissing her, and the next — he’s in her lap, sobbing. Overwhelmed by his feelings — about his father, about everything, but mainly about Amy.

He doesn’t know how long he’s laying in her lap when his sobs subside, when he finally makes out her voice into a coherent sentence —

_“Jake… I’m here for you.”_

And a repetitive — “I love you, Jake…I love you — I’m here.”

 _She’s here._ And Jake couldn’t be more grateful.

He sniffles and uses his elbow to sit himself up, leaning against the cushions of the couch — how they ended up here Jake can’t remember —but he leans up and swipes at the wetness on his cheeks, and blinking through a daze of remaining tears. He blinks a few times through the blurriness and Amy comes into view — she’s already shifting to accommodate his movement, and leaning towards him, running her hand through his hair, the other running down his arm, rubbing comfortingly. How does she know _exactly_ what he needs — god, he doesn’t deserve this woman.

He takes a shaky breath and mumbles his first words since they got to the room.

“—m’sorry Ames…”

And of course, it’s an apology.

Amy’s shaking her head and leaning closer to him, rubbing her thumb across his forehead gently, her fingers gliding down to the hand in his lap to intertwine them together.

“Jake…no, no— _I’m_ sorry.”

Jake flicks his eyes at her and cocks his head in confusion — why is _she_ sorry? She’s not the one who just had a stupid mental breakdown. But before he can question it, she’s speaking, so, so soft and gentle he basically melts.

“I’m sorry your dad is such a dick — I’m sorry that — that, you had to go through that. Again.”

She sighs, shaking her head and squeezes his hand, looking at him in the eyes. It’s then that Jake notices she also has tears brimming, glassy eyed but still smiling warmly, in a way that has his heart thumping rapidly, potentially on its way to combust right there.

“I’m sorry I—I know you held out hope th-that he’d maybe be a little better. I didn’t realize how—I can’t imagine how you’re feeling and I’m sorry I—Jake I’m so sorry, this sucks.”

Jake’s mouth hangs open as he listens to her, watching her with intent eyes as she fiddles nervously with his fingers. Her eyes flick down to her lap and she opens her mouth to say something then closes it, hesitantly.

He’s at awe of her, and _so in love_ with Amy Santiago. And she’s being so sweet now, so understanding, so full of empathy — something he hasn’t really experienced before and to feel cared for by Amy — that was something he was still slowly processing.

“Ames…"  
Her gaze lifts up to his again and Jake is rendered speechless —

Amy moves closer, her face now right by his, she leans in and caresses his cheek gently, her warm breath tickling his neck.

“I love you Jake” she smiles and settles her forehead against his, and Jake can’t help but return the smile. Four words — four simple words that have so much meaning, that has a lump forming in his throat.

“Ames…Amy I—”

Amy places a finger over his lips and shakes her head, still leaning against him, inching closer and closer till her legs lay across his lap and her shoulder brushing against his.

“Shh—Jake, no let me say this first…I—I love you, and your dad sucks, and what you’ve gone through is horrible but — I’m here. I’m here okay? You don’t have to pretend, or be strong. You don’t even have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But Jake, oh my god I love you and care about you too much.”

She exhales and snuggles further into him.  
“I know it’s kind of surreal and insane to be saying all this, but I really care about you and—and, you deserve to know, you deserve to be cared for, and if it helps you, if you’d like it, I’m here…and we can talk, or we can just sit here…uh—um we can watch Die Hard…or-or just drink in silence, or, well, if you want to be alone that’s th-that’s fine—”

Jake can’t help himself anymore. With their close proximity — her hand against his jaw, and their noses almost brushing — he only has to shift slightly to press his lips against hers. His arms come to slide around her waist and up her back. Their lips mold in a slow, languid tempo that they both melt into instantly. It’s different from earlier, a vast contrast from the desperate, frantic and slightly harsh. This time round it’s almost an apology, one which Jake tries to pours his gratefulness, his love — all his emotion into this kiss. He can’t put into words how much Amy means to him — how much _this,_ her being here, being here for him and _staying —_ how much this means to him. And he now tries his hardest to pour it all, to communicate it to her.

His eyes close and he pulls her fully onto his lap, securing her in the embrace of his arms. Amy sighs in what Jake hopes is contentment, and her hands are carding through his hair, gentle and soft. Oh god, she’s _so gentle_ and Jake kind of wants to cry at how much care she’s showing even in the way her fingers slide through his curls down to the nape of his neck.

As they pull away for air, Jake’s lips is almost hesitant and reluctant to leave hers. But, as he opens his eyes and meets hers, he immediately melts into her gaze, choosing to stare into her, leaning their foreheads against each other.

“I love you.”

Jake manages in a breathless whisper. And he feels his heart skip a beat as she smiles that stunning smile and strokes his cheek fondly.

“Ames, I love you — and I— thank you.”

Jake’s eyes flutter close, deep in thought trying to form the right words, focusing on the way her thumb runs across his cheek soothingly.

He takes a deep breath and feels Amy shift against him, curling into him even more, pressing a kiss against his jaw as if to say _take your time, I’ll be here._ And as she leans her head against the crook of his neck, his hands automatically tighten around her, keeping her as close as possible.

Amy calms him, makes him nervous —Amy steadies his heartbeat and makes it beat wildly all at once.

 _Amy_ loves him.

She loves _him_.

And that’s all he needs to speak his heart. He opens his eyes slowly again, whispering against Amy’s hair, his fingers now tracing patterns against her bare back, her silky soft skin under his fingertips.

“Amy — I just — thank you.” He takes a breath, breathing in her scent and burrowing further into her soft hair, “It’s—I mean, it’s hard, so fucking hard to h-have my father y’know, disappoint again…” Jake sighs, “ _again…_ but I don’t know, it feels different this time.”  
Amy shifts and pulls away slightly so that she can look up at him, and Jake manages a small smile down at her.

“Ames, you just, you make everything better. Y’know you make me a better person — you’re just so amazing and the way you stood up to my dad like that…well, it — firstly, it was fucking _hot.”_  
Jake smirks a little as she rolls her eyes and snuggles back against his shoulder, playing with the collar of his shirt.

“But…I guess, no one’s done anything like that for me before — and, it-it means a lot. Really, I’d be a mess, drinking my sorrows away probably… but you’re here. And for some reason you’re staying. You stay and it-it’s nice.”

Amy hums and mumbles against him, running her hand down to squeeze his bicep, tracing circles there.

“Jake, _of course_ I’ll stay. I’m here, and I’ll stay — for as long as you want.”

Jake’s heart is racing and he glances down at her figure and thinks _forever._ He wants this forever. If this is just day one of being with Amy Santiago, he doesn’t think he can get enough of it. He wants this. He’s so sure about it he’s letting his guard down, wearing his heart on his sleeve and letting Amy see him at his worst and somehow she isn’t…

“Scared…”

Amy looks up to meet his eyes, her hand dropping down to her lap, loosely gripping his wrist now as she furrows her eyebrows in confusion.

“Wha-what?”

Jake’s cheeks flush as he realizes he’s just blurted out a single word, and exhales, hoping that what he says next won’t ruin everything.

“You—you aren’t scared? Of what might happen? If-if you stay with me…of what might happen if you stay? I mean I’m pretty messed up and-and you’re—you’re _you,_ and god I can’t do th—“

“Jake.”

Amy’s voice is firm and she’s looking at him with pure affection and empathy paired with the same smile and Jake stops talking, blinking at her.

“Hey…” she wraps both arms around his neck and sits up on his lap so that she can look down at him properly, “I’m not scared, Jake. Well, I _am_ scared of a lot of things — and I don’t even know if I’m doing the right thing now… for _so long,_ I’ve been scared of ruining our friendship. Th-that me saying I’m in love with you would ruin our partnership. But I’ve never been scared of _you,_ Jake. I love hearing about your life, I’ve loved meeting your mom, I love getting to just _be_ with you. So-so I’m scared, yes, of a lot of things— but never of you or what you’re going through. I’d rather be scared with you than be scared alone.”

Jake connects their lips once again because he can. He can kiss her. And if what she just said is anything to go by — if he’s lucky enough — he’ll get to do this for a little while longer.

Amy sighs into the kiss and pulls away just enough to mumble against his lips.

“Mmhm—Jake, I love you.”

Jake kisses her once more, both of them smiling against each other as Amy moves against him from her position to fully straddle him, their bodies becoming intertwined as they sink further into the couch together.

He pecks her lips again before saying, “I love you Amy, god I love you and I can’t believe this is real. This—you-you’re real”

Amy pulls back, allowing them to look at each other properly.

“course I’m real, Jake”

She giggles and leans down to trail kisses from his jaw down his neck, Jake rolling his head back to allow more room for her, relishing in the way she sighs against him as he slides his hands down her bare back.

“hmmm…I mean, y’know, I just feel like I—” he gasps as she sucks on his sensitive spot and licks her way down to his collarbone, “I—feel so lucky—I-I don’t deserve you and I—”

Amy pauses and cuts him off by muttering against his neck.

“Shh—don’t - Jake, _I_ feel so lucky. I…” she sighs as Jake’s hands slide down to her lower back, “I-I’ve wanted this for so long, I—”

He can’t control himself as he hears her say that, grips her ass tightly and groaning at the way she pushes closer to him and gasps as she bites softly.

“Fuck, I—I’ve wanted _this,_ ” she rolls her hips against his for emphasis, “for so long…”

Jake _really_ can’t control himself anymore and everything — everything from the past few days of hanging out every second of the day, to talking about his fucked up relationship with his dad, and everything in between, and not to mention the years of working together, pining after Amy — all these things have led up to him falling so hard, falling so in love with her. And right now — as his hands slide down and he lifts her up, as she giggles and grips tightly onto him, both laughing as they fall onto the bed together — Jake has never felt more loved, more cherished. His dad and all his past failed relationships can go suck it. Because Amy Santiago was currently rolling him over and looking at him with dark, lustful — but so _kind_ eyes and a warm smile. Amy touches his cheek gently, and Jake leans into it, melting once again into her touch.

“Hey, I’m not leaving, okay? I’m here, not going anywhere.”

She leans down to press a kiss to his lips and Jake believes her. For once in his life, he somehow believes the words she says. She’s not leaving. She stays and she loves him.

And that’s enough for Jake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and sticking around!! Hopefully this wasn't too ooc, all i want is for Jake to be happy but exploring it in how Amy cares for him 🥺, and as promised, next chapter will be smut 😉
> 
> Let me know what you thought 💕💕  
> Kudos & comments are appreciated!


	10. ...but it brought me heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _hell was the journey_  
>  but it brought me heaven
> 
> Jake and Amy finally have time alone and they're in heaven. 
> 
> Warning: SMUT (rated Mature, bordering on Explicit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER GOT AWAY FROM ME oh my goodness. I know it's been like a month?!! it took me awhile to figure this chapter out... I've been sitting on this for so long, trying to find the perfect way to get enough sweet Jake and soft Amy in it along with the hot, sexy humans they are. 
> 
> SO, well, i've changed the rating and this chapter contains smut. Oh, and it's 8K words gosh who am i. but I HOPE YOU ENJOY ❤️

Amy feels a rush of pride as she sees the way Jake looks up at her. The mix of lust, affection and love glimmering in his brown orbs is really working for her — really working her up. Things are moving fast, but they feel so right. She can’t imagine anywhere else she’d rather be. She feels safe, and hopes she can also be that safety for Jake.

She trusts Jake, she loves him, and goodness, she just cannot get enough of him.

His fingers are trailing down her exposed back and it sends shivers down her spine. She leans down and connects their lips again and yea, she’s hooked.

It’s crazy how once she’s kissing Jake, all else fades away. She falls deep into the kiss, moving her lips, and all feelings of anger and sadness dissipates as she feels him respond eagerly, parting her mouth and allowing his tongue to roam and enter her, deepening the kiss even more. Amy presses her body against him, their legs entangling as both of her hands slide up his face and card through his hair.

Her body is tingling, it’s on fire with every movement, she feels a heat pooling.

“Hmmhmm—Ames—Am-Amy —I—”

She pulls away gasping as she feels Jake’s lips vibrate against her and she looks at him with wide eyes, panicking for a second, whether she’d done something wrong, or maybe he actually really just needed to be alone to process everything that just went down —

“Wh-Jake I-I’m sorry I didn’t…” she trails off and shifts slightly, immediately feeling cold at the loss of physical contact.

Jakes hands tighten around her and pulls Amy back down to rest against his chest. His hand slides down to hers and they intertwine in a way that has become so familiar throughout this weekend — a move that she’s come to take comfort in, but now it’s full of so much more possibility. Amy immediately softens at the way he’s looking up at her, their connected hands come up to lay against his chest, Jake leans down to kiss each of her knuckles and Amy blushes under his loving gaze. She can’t help the way her heart skips a beat and flutters as he presses a final kiss mumbling against their hands.

“No Ames, I just, I wanna — wanna do this, I-if you—you do…?

He trails off hopefully and Amy leans in to press a chaste kiss to his cheek.

“Jake, I’ve thought about this for so long,” she rolls her hips into him, a contrast from the sweet, affectionate moment they’re currently sharing, “so fucking long, and I—hmm—I want—want…”

She gasps as Jake flips them over, his arms boxing her in, their legs still tangled as he presses against her in a way that has her whimpering.

“What do you want, Ames?”

Amy looks up at him through her eyelashes, taking in his dark, blown out pupils and leaning into his touch as he caresses her cheek, thumb running over her cheekbone and sliding over to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She feels a desire, great and insistent. She feels it desperately and intensely. She needs to be close to him, she’s never felt a need so passionate, a longing so extreme.

“ _You_.” She breathes out, “I need you.”

As if given permission, as if a switch flicked in Jake, he dives down and latches onto her neck, sucking above her clavicle, trailing licks and soft bites up her neck. Amy’s taken by surprise but welcomes it, clawing at his back in pleasure. She rolls her head back and it’s only when he groans against her that she realizes that her hands are in his hair again, pulling hard. And she needs more, she needs —

“F-fuck, Jake…”

“I’ve thought about this too I—and I—”

He’s wearing too many clothes for her liking and she reaches up to slide his suit jacket off, immediately reaching for his shirt buttons — she all but gets the first button popped open when he shifts backwards, out of her reach. She whines as his lips leave her neck, and tries to reach for him but his hands are firm against her shoulders, pressing her into the sheets. He grabs her wrist where it’s reaching for him and brings it down to her side.

Amy blinks up at him, not even trying to mask her disappointment, lips jutting out in a pout and eyebrows furrowing in confusion — but Jake just smiles down at her, his fingers slowly trailing up her arm.

“I wanna take my time with you first.”

He plays with the strap of her dress and Amy’s heart is soaring indefinitely.

“I…hmm” he leans down slowly and presses a kiss to her bare shoulder as he slides the strap down, “mmm’I wanna love you.”

He keeps kissing across her collarbone until he gets to her other shoulder, sliding that strap down as well and while Amy desperately needs Jake to hurry up, god, she enjoys the way he presses his lips against her skin so delicately, how his fingers are carefully rubbing her skin in a way that has goosebumps forming on her forearm.

“Mmmh…Jake…”

He pauses to look up at her and oh, his eyes are glowing with affection and she feels so content. She sighs and smiles widely at him, unable to form any other coherent thought in her head, except that she loves this man — she loves him and she can’t get enough of him. Her hand automatically moves upwards to rest against his cheek as he hovers over her, holding the gaze

“Ames, you’re-I—I...” he trails off a little breathless and Amy’s hand wraps around the back of his neck

“Jake,” she breathes out craning her neck up towards him, in the process also tugging his neck down, “... kiss me.”

He complies, releasing his grip on her shoulder to lean down and press a kiss on her lips. Amy, trying to prod him, runs her tongue on his lower lip getting caught up in his wet lips moving gently—much too gentle for her liking—she tugs and pulls, craning closer towards him, really unable to get enough, hungry for more.

And just as she’s sliding her tongue into him, he releases but stays close and mumbles against her lips, “Mm’never had to pretend...”

Amy sighs and hums, enjoying the way his warm breath ghosts her lips.

“This whole weekend...s’not pretend for me...”

Jake parts and rises to look at her in the eyes,

“I—I didn’t have to pretend…”

His voice is so smooth and soft, slightly shy — and Amy basks under his gaze, his adorably nervous demeanor and loving eyes. She can’t quite describe how she feels as Jake continues to open himself up, voicing words unspoken into the little bubble they’ve created for themselves — but it’s perfect. It’s a touch of lustful hunger in a cloud of warmth and intimacy, a melody of yearning, of passion, and Amy swears she tastes the adoration against her lips. It’s love experienced through all her senses at once and as Jake hovers over her, there isn’t a shred of hesitation or anxiety — there’s very little that Amy’s been so certain in her life — but she can’t tear her eyes away from him and for once she’s without any doubts.

“Never had to pretend with you. This weekend—just-I just did what…” he sighs as her hands slide up into his hair, tangling her fingers between his curls, “did what I wish I could do - wh-what I’ve always hoped, dreamed of doing…”

Jake leans back down to peck her forehead and Amy’s eyes flutter shut.

“Like—like holding your hand…” another kiss to her nose, “holding you in my arms,” lip pressed to her cheek and she smiles, relishing in the way his feathery light touches feels against her, “dancing with you…” she chuckles as he moves down her jaw, “and…and…”

Amy tugs his hair and he lifts up to look down at her.

“What else, Jake? What else do you—d-do you want to do?”

She grins as a blush creeps up his face and he has that nervous, shy look in his eyes again. Amy enjoys the way he stutters and bites his lip in what she hopes is _desire._

“I—uh, well I—”

She grabs his hand where it’s against her shoulder and tugs it down to the zipper at the side of her dress, using her own fingers to slide the zipper down. She then guides his hand to the fabric of her dress, and starts sliding it down slowly.

An audible gulp comes from Jake and she sees his eyes darkening as she reveals more skin, the silky fabric sliding down slowly, and as it does, she feels the tips of Jake’s fingers against her side, her bare skin and it feels electric.

“…Ames…”

“Jake…”

Her dress is now down to her waist and Jake’s breath hitches as his eyes rake her chest. She’s donning a black laced bra that she had thrown into her suitcase last minute and under his gaze she’s thanking her past self for being confident enough to slide it on this afternoon.

“I…”

Amy locks her fingers between his and helps him slide his hand up her side, stopping just under her left breast.

“Why don’t you show me, Jake…”

He blinks at her.

“Wh-what?”

“Show me…” she bites her lip in anticipation, knowing that her underwear is fully soaked right now simply at how Jake’s hand is splayed against her side, his rough fingers grazing across her smooth skin “show me…what else you’d wanna do to me.”

Jake’s eyes glimmer in understanding and his thumb strokes right under her breast across the rough lace material and Amy sighs, her eyes closing, letting Jakes hand rest against her breast, lightly caressing the sides as she slides her arms around his neck.

“Hmm…Jake…”

She hears a loud exhale—almost of disbelief and she feels a finger tracing her bra and _god,_ the anticipation is killing her and she lets out breathless whine as she feels him ghost over her nipple and slide his other hand up and around, hovering over the clasp of her bra.

It’s a slow movement — really, it’s only three seconds, but to Amy it feels like forever — as Jake uses his damn talented fingers to unhook her bra and lets it fall down. Amy opens her eyes, for a moment feeling slightly nervous and exposed, but then, she sees the way that Jake is looking at her, the way that his breath audibly hitches and all nervousness fades away.

Jakes hands are propping him above her as he hovers, looking her up and down, it’s almost like he’s in a trance, his mind somewhere else and for awhile he doesn’t move — just stares with this look in his eye, like she’s the best thing he’s ever seen.

“You’re the best thing I’ve ever seen.”

Amy’s words catch in her throat and she smiles bashfully, her heart drumming rapidly at how cherished he’s making her feel, just by the way he’s looking at her. And she loves the way he’s looking at her, but his gaze isn’t helping her insistent, bordering desperate need for him to just…

“Jake…” his eyes, which have been flicking up and down, meets hers again and she inhales before whispering as seductively as she can, “ _touch me…_ ”

Jake groans softly but his boyish smirk comes back and she all but returns it before both his hands slide down to her breasts, massaging it tenderly, gently. And _god,_ his hands—

“ _Oh,_ Jake—oh my god, fu—”

His thumb flicks her left nipple and Amy, who’s eyes were now screwed shut in pleasure, doesn’t see him leaning down further to attach his mouth to her right nipple, tongue twirling around it and then sucking it softly and Amy wants more—just— She tangles her fingers in his hair and pushes him into her chest.

“Mmm, Ames,” he mumbles into her as he gets buried in her, “my god, you’re so fucking hot.”

He hums and it buzzes against her as she tightens her grip in his hair, probably hurting him but he’s switched and is sucking a hickey under and she gasps as he bites softly. Her hips lift up slightly as the ache further down from where he was currently _devouring,_ gets harder and harder to ignore. Jake seems to notice this and chuckles against her, then his kisses get sweeter, softer, a little less desperate and Amy opens her eyes to look down at him.

“Oh my god, Amy…” he sighs, his face flushed and if his hair before was a mess, it was a knotty chaos now — a gorgeous, beautiful chaos. He leans down to place one, two, three more kisses, trailing down her abdomen, his right hand sneakily sliding up her leg.

“Jake…I…”

At this point she’s probably said his name more than she has in all the time she’s known and worked with him, and she’s pretty sure she’ll never grow tired of his name on her lips — well, or _his lips_ on her lips for that matter.

Amy had always found her idiot of a partner to be attractive. She knew that he wasn’t super ripped like Terry, and he had pretty unhealthy eating habits — not to mention his unhygienic lifestyle. But she’s sat across from this dork for so long and at some point she found herself secretly watching the way his toned arms shifted under those goddamn flannels, or the way his eyebrows furrow when he’s deep in thought, how he bites his bottom lip after making a stupid joke. She’s never admitted it to herself, how much she liked him, how, behind the banter and wit, there was a heart that skipped a beat whenever he smiled at her. She spent years sitting in front of him, and she wonders how long it took for her to realize her true feelings.

Then it was like something broke, on the roof of 397 Barton Street, she met his soft eyes — much like the way he’s looking at her now — and, she knew. But it became this game of sorts, of push and pull, of pining. Time was not on her side, doubts clouded her actions and it took a boring relationship and an awful breakup for her to admit that she liked Jake Peralta. It was so unlike her, so different from who she thought she’d fall in love with. On paper, it never made sense — Jake was a loud annoying voice, an impulsive boyish character. Amy was a high-strung, type-A perfectionist who had no patience for guys like Jake, but, well, apparently there were exceptions. And that same string that tugged on her heart that fateful night under the stars surrounded by the New York January chill and a handful of peanuts, drew her in all the way to the warm beach under the California sun.

Oh, and Amy hopes that it keeps pulling her, into this orange soda, Die-Hard obsessed man whom she’s somehow fallen in love with. And somehow, he loves her, too. And it’s with this knowledge that leaves her breathless.

Or, her breathlessness could just be from the way there are warm, wet lips ghosting down her skin and fingers now toying with the waistband of her underwear. She’s never felt so safe, so _cherished_ with a man before and now he’s staring up at her and she realizes that he’s waiting for her permission. Silently, patiently, and maybe a little nervously waiting for her. And damn, she loves him for that but…

“Jake” she breathes out as his fingers skim her waistband, “I…I… _please…”_

She shifts her hips up slightly to emphasize her incredibly desperate need, and Jake’s fingers slide between her skin and the shear fabric, pulling it down in what Amy can only describe as cautiously attentive. He drags the damp lace down her legs then hovers over her, looking her up and down. Perhaps she should be embarrassed, or at least little self-conscious — which, she probably would have, but then Jake was pressing his lips back to hers, his hands sliding against her sides, and gripping her soft, warm skin. Amy sighs as he pulls away and then he’s kissing his way back down her neck, chest, her navel then her hipbone, then is propping himself up on his elbows to look at her, smiling hazily up at her.

Amy huffs out as she feels Jake’s warmth, the slight sensation of his breath against her hip, his arms boxing her sides and his brown eyes that say more than words could ever.

“Ames you’re—you’re so…”

She shakes her head as he exhales slightly breathless, and reaches down to cup his cheek affectionately.

“…so—so, _god_ you’re so beautiful. Ugh, beautiful doesn’t even begin to describe you an-and y’know I’m not good at words and stuff but… _fuck,_ Amy you’re so gorgeous—mmm and just so…so incredible…”

Amy swoons and hums contentedly as his hands now grip her thigh, rubbing her soft skin, his lips are sucking a hickey and now the sweet kisses have turned into something more as he sucks and licks his way down so that he’s breathing down on her wet, hot center.

“…so hot, so fucking sexy…”

The proximity — how close he now is — it’s too much for Amy anymore and she can’t even stop the moan that escapes her.

“Shit, Amy,” Jake’s voice is hoarse and laced with arousal, “you really want me…?”

He says it in awe, in disbelief and Amy looks down at him in her _duh_ face, and she realizes that he’s _actually_ in disbelief — like, he actually thinks that she wouldn’t want him.

“Oh my god Jake, _of course_ I want you, oh—uh-huuuh—” She’s cut off by a loud moan as he licks up her opening, gathering the moisture that’s already dripping there.

“ _Fuck…”_ Jake groans and dives back in for another taste, licking around her labia then circling around her clit and Amy is on fire as he repeats the motion, broad strokes and the little whirlpool motion that keeps her keening, wanting more.

“Fuck-fuck, Jake—I—s-see how wet I am—it’s…”

“So wet, babe, so—fuck, so hot—god you’re so sexy…s’all for me?”

_Babe…hot…sexy…_

The words slip out in arousal and usually Amy hates pet names, and whenever a guy has called her hot or sexy, it’s only seemed condescending, demeaning even. But somehow — somehow when Jake mumbles those words while sinfully but so delicately eating her out, she melts and is that much more in love with him. It makes her feel loved in a way that kind of makes her a little dizzy and her mind is spinning, the words cause her to jerk her hips forward and whine, yearning for more, _more —_ then he’s wrapping his tongue around her clit, licking in these patterns that hit her just in the right way and she gasps, his hand now splayed out on her stomach to hold her down. She can’t help but reach down, threading her fingers through his curls and pulling — tugging him to where she want- _needs_ him.

“Yes—hmm uhhn yes _Jake…”_

 _“Shit,_ Amy—you’re so warm and…” he slips two fingers in easily and Amy arches her back, loving how his calloused, thick fingers curl in, “so perfect, so—so hot and gorgeous and..” and then he’s hitting the right spot, his tongue lapping and sucking on her clit at the same time — and Amy’s a chorus of _fuck, yes, Jake —_ and she’s coming, coming and she swears she sees stars and blacks out for a second as Jake continues to lick her up and stroke her inner walls as she comes down from the high.

Amy’s just catching her breath, quite spent already as she feels lips against hers and she reaches up weakly, deliriously to run her hand through Jake’s hair, as he kisses her once more before plopping down on the pillow beside her. It takes her a moment — she stares at the ceiling as she takes one more deep breath, a wide, delightful grin spreads on her face — because _wow._ She’s happy and she can’t believe what just happened—Jake Peralta just performed what might be, wait, scratch that — it’s definitely the best oral she’s received and she’s beyond content right now.

“ _Shit._ ”

She swears breathlessly and lets out a laugh before turning over to face Jake’s dopey, adorable and slightly _wet,_ smile.

“What’s so funny?”

Amy curls into him, her arm wrapping around his shoulder as his hand slides down to her waist, pulling her into him so their noses are brushing.

“Mmm…nothing, I’m just — I’m so happy.”

She revels in the way he bites his lower lip then licks it to gather the excess moisture there and he smirks proudly — which, he _should_ be proud, then says, “You came super hard, Ames.”

She laughs again because she’s too weak to even try and mask her happiness right now.

“You’re…so…good…” she tiredly pecks his lips between words then pulls away, blushing and biting her lip as she remembers the words he basically praised her with while she was -um—distracted.

“What’s up, Ames?”

Damn, how does he read her so well?

“Just—I, um…d’you…” she flicks her eyes down nervously, _why_ is she nervous? This is Jake, “did you really mean it…?”

Jake tilts his head and brushes her hair, opting to run his fingers through is in this soothing way that might be putting Amy to sleep if she weren’t so entranced by Jake.

“Did I—did I mean…what?”

“I mean, you said that I’m..um, hot and uh—sexy? Is that—did you—”

Jake’s eyes widen and he smiles widely, not giving her time to finish her sentence before he interrupts her hurriedly.

“What? Ames—oh my god, are you kidding me?”

She blinks at him silently as he continues stroking her hair, his eyes now bright and glowing.

“Yes, _yes —_ god you’re so hot an-and not just ‘cause you’re naked and your boobs are amazing—shit that sounded douchey—I um, but what I’m saying is—” he huffs and takes a breath as he shifts even closer to her, now intertwining their legs together, “—you, god even when you’re wearing your pantsuit or t-shirt and jeans — you could be wearing a trash bag and you’d still be the hottest person in the room.”

Amy laughs and melts a little as he thumbs her cheek affectionately.

“You are so gorgeous, and beautiful, and hot and sexy — the fact that I get to be the guy that sees you naked and make you come on my mouth — I am _honored,_ Amy Santiago came on my mouth — _damn_ should I get that on a t-shirt? Maybe I can—”

“ _Jake!”_ She hits him on the shoulder and shakes her head at him, and she’s smiling at him despite herself, “you’re such an idiot…”

Jake throws her a smirk and winks as he says, “an idiot that loves you.”

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head at how _stupidly_ in love she is with this dork, and moves to peck his cheek, whispering against the shell of his ear, “ _and,_ an idiot that I’m so in love with.”

He hums and shifts his legs against her — it’s then that she realizes that he’s uncomfortable because his incredibly hard erection is poking against her thigh, only prompting her to continue muttering, in a deeper, sultry tone, “…and I’d _love_ to show how in love I am with you now…”

She trails her lips down his jaw and he gasps as she makes her way to his neck and bites down softly, only groaning as she grinds her hips against his.

“Ahh…Ames, Amy— w-we don’t— _fuck…”_

Securing her leg around his, she skillfully flips them over so that Jake is laying flat against the sheets, and she stops to take a good look at him. His forehead is sweaty, a few stray curls sticking against it, his cheeks are this adorable shade of pink, his mouth agape and…he’s still wearing his goddamn dress shirt, his prominent erection trapped in layers of fabric and she can just _feel_ how good this night is gonna get — god it’s already been _so good._ She feels herself getting wetter already at the thought of getting to rid of the layer of clothing between them, to _really_ feel him. She’s dripping with arousal and moves to start unbutton his shirt as quickly as she can when she feels Jake stop her— _again._

“Ugh, you already loved me, and shit, you did it so well Jake, let me, l-let me—” she stutters out but then flicks her eyes up to meet his and he has a soft look in his eyes, “—w-whats wrong?”

Jake smiles at her dreamily, laying his hand over hers against his chest before saying, “Nothing, just—I love you, Amy Santiago.”

And Amy is sure this is heaven.

* * *

“I love you too, Jake Peralta.”

Jake has never been so honest with someone, anyone else— let alone _himself,_ about feelings this way before. He feels raw, open, naked — well, _emotionally_ naked, though he isn’t far from being completely physically naked as well with Amy working on his buttons like that. He tries to mask with humor, beat around the bush, push down his emotions — but one glance at Amy’s kind, compassionate, beautiful eyes and he’s broken down. It’s all new to him, so fresh, but it feels so good. He’s weak in the best way around Amy and the way she loves him? Well, it’s unlike anything he’s experienced before. It all feels so right and comfortable and Jake is baffled. He is shocked. Befuddled.

His whole life has been messy, _chaotic._ Like, literally wherever he goes, chaos follows. He either screws things up or something just happens to go wrong. There was his father leaving him, not showing up for his birthday, Jenny leaving him at his Bar Mitzvah, Sophia refusing to say I love you back…and shit if hasn’t screwed up enough for the squad already. It’s all a mess. Even this weekend — the most horrible of chaos, _Roger,_ followed him in. With all of this — all the _hell_ that he’s been through, it’s only made sense to build up walls around himself, to guard his heart from anything and everyone.

He’s being careful now, because he can’t mess _this_ up. He has to tread lightly and be extra careful because this is _Amy._ And now she loves him, but with his track record, Jake’s bound to say or do something that will cause Amy to pull away, to run away, to _leave_ him — _because everybody leaves him._

It’s only a matter of time before she does, too.

But then, he must’ve tensed up or Amy is just that good at reading his mind, as she’s undoing the final button of his shirt, she reaches a hand up to cup his cheek, and look him in the eyes while speaking in the softest, most delicate voice.

“I’m not going anywhere, Jake. Not gonna leave you or run away. I’m staying. I’m here.”

 _She’s here._

She’s here, and she’s staying. She’s not going anywhere and Jake kind of wants to cry but opts to simply lean up and softly press their lips together. He sighs into the kiss and Amy’s hands are sliding down to tug his shirt off, moving to press a string of kisses down to his chest. For some reason she’s staying and she —

“I love you, Jake.”

Jake lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and his mouth hangs open slightly as she lifts up slightly to look at him properly. She’s a goddess. She’s straddling him in all her naked glory — smooth, tan, skin that he never wants to stop touching. The remnants of her wetness is still evident as she moves against him and Jake lets out a quiet groan, which turns into a sigh as her fingers trail up his bare chest to cup his face.

“Jake…”

He blinks up at her and smiles up at this glorious woman, who, is slowly but surely breaking him down, taking his breath away, making his knees weak.

“…Jake, I love you, and…can I love you?”

Jake furrows his eyebrows, trying to comprehend the question, but failing to understand, mainly due to the way her breasts were leaning down to his chest, nipples brushing against his skin.

“Can I — can you let me love you? I-I know you’ve been through a lot and—and this—opening up and letting other people love you — it-it’s hard, but I need you to let me love you.”

Whatever words he was about to say dies on his lips and all he feels is her breath against him, the weight of her words now were replacing the weight of his insecurities and doubts. She knows exactly what to say, she knows just what to do and she just — _she knows him._ And he trusts her.

“okay.”

Amy nuzzles her nose against his.

“okay?”

Jake breathes out a shaky breath and Amy smiles.

“yeah, okay.”

Then her lips are back on his and he trusts her completely, he would do anything for her, say yes to anything she asked him to do because he trusts her.

“Okay,” she mumbles against his lips, pecking him once more, “just relax, Jake.”

Her lips trail down his neck, covering every inch of his skin, stopping to suck a hickey and he moans loudly, tangling his fingers in her hair as she moves lower.

“Mmmm—Amess” he sighs, so focused on the way her soft, wet lips trail down his body that he doesn’t realize a sneaky hand unbuckle his belt and pop open the button and reaches in to grip him through his boxers.

“Hmm-fuck, Jake…”

Jake gasps and grips her hair tighter, glancing down to meet her eyes — eyes, that are now staring at him with deep, wanting desire. She kisses his hipbone sweetly before sliding herself further down and in the process dragging his pants, and boxers down.

Her breath audibly hitches and Jake huffs, feeling her breathing down his erection.

“Fuck, Jake, you’re—you’re so hot so mmm,” she hums and lightly traces his throbbing dick with her finger, “hmm so big, so ready—god Jake,” her voice is husky and he can’t help the way his dick twitches simply at how she’s speaking, “can’t wait till you’re inside of me, can’t—” Jake moans as she says that, her hand lightly wrapping around him, “can’t wait to _fuck you._ ”

He doesn’t even have time to respond to that because all of a sudden her mouth is around him and taking him in so perfectly, with one hand pumping him and meeting her lips in the middle, and,

“ _OH,_ fuck—Ames shit, f-uh—uh—”

Jake babbles on incoherently as Amy bobs her head up and down, and with the way she’s sucking and pumping him, he can’t help it when his hips thrusts up. He can feel his precum leaking and he’s pretty sure if she doesn’t stop now he’s gonna come straight into her mouth.

“Shit, Ames—Amy, I’m—I-I—”

He doesn’t even hide the whine as she slows down and removes her mouth for a moment.

“It’s ok Jake,” she mumbles, stopping to lick the head, “just let go,”

Then she’s continuing her actions and Jake’s gasp turns into a strangled moan that continues on till he’s releasing hot liquid straight into her mouth.

He’s sure he passes out for a second because he’s a little light heading and dizzy from how damn amazing that was — god, did Amy just give him the best blowjob of his life, or was that just a dream?

“Hey,” his eyes open to Amy leaning on her side, hovering over his dazed face, and it’s crazy how she can look so beautiful and pure whilst so filthy — lips pink and plump, tainted with remnants of his cum, “you okay?”

She cups his cheek as he turns to look at her and he hums, unable to take his eyes off of how incredibly attractive her lips look, and when she bites her bottom lip, he cranes his neck to meet hers, eagerly. They quickly fall back into a rhythm of tongues twisting and lips molding, a melody of sighs and moans — her fingers sliding up to scratch his scalp and he’s still coming down from his orgasm, but can already feel himself hardening again as her chest comes to press against his.

“Fuck, Jake you—“ she gasps as she pulls away and Jake also loudly exhales, trying to catch his breath, “—you-you’re — are you ok?”

Jake looks at her like she’s crazy, like she really didn’t just go down on him and make him come so hard. He chuckles lightly and realizes how hoarse his voice is as he scoots closer, pressing the pelvis together.

“Are you serious, Ames? Oh my god, I’m more than okay, shit — why haven’t we been doing this? This is insane, _Amy,_ god, you’re so perfect I—I…”

Amy giggles and reaches down to intertwine their hands together, and as Jake presses closer, she can feel her wetness still dripping, only turning him on more.

“…I love you, and I…” he groans as she grinds up against him, “I wanna be inside you.”

Amy smirks-smiles — yeah, she actually looks smug and sweet at the same time and it’s doing crazy things to Jake right now.

“I love you too, Jake,” she pecks his lips and then rolls over to where her purse is lying and ruffles around, pulling out a condom.

“Want you inside me too.”

She makes quick work of ripping the package and rolling it onto his dick, fully erect again now, and Jake huffs out loudly, as she pumps him once, twice, then lays back down, pulling him along with her.

Jake leans on his elbows, trapping her shoulders between and my goodness, Amy Santiago is a goddess — “Ames, you’re absolutely beautiful,” he breathes out, leaning down to kiss her nose just as a pink blush creeps up. They’re both breathing hard, gazing at one another, reveling in the warmth of each other’s bodies, skin brushing the other — it’s almost like there’s this unspoken desire to simply live in this intimate moment, to bask in it for just a moment longer.

Then the need to be _closer,_ gets too much and Jake’s about to say something when Amy pulls him down so that he’s leaning against her, pelvis rubbing against each other, his dick touching her wetness and he groans.

“ _Jake_ ”

She lifts her hips up against him in open invitation then mumbles against his lips, “ _please.”_

Her arm wraps around his neck as he reaches down and slides the tip in, gathering the wetness there and then easing in slowly.

Amy gasps and grips his hair and Jake quickly stops in fear of hurting her — he is, _well_ , bigger than normal, and while he so wants to feel her, feel all of her right now, like everything else with Amy, he really wants to be careful.

So he stops and pulls out slightly, his breath stuttering and voice laced with concern, “Ames, so-sorry I—I—”

Her fingers clutch his shoulders bringing his torso back down against hers, “No—no, ah—” she gasps as his dick slips back into her, “ah—J-Jake—”

“Amy, it’s—are you—”

She looks directly into his eyes and tightens her grip, sliding up to scrape his scalp, “M’okay—ah—” she gasps again, nails digging into the nape of his neck, “k-keep going,” Jake pushes in a little more and she hums, letting out a stuttered, “f-fuck, Jake uh-uh”

Then, he’s sliding into her easily, her nails scraping his back which he’s sure will leave satisfying red marks tomorrow morning — but Jake isn’t registering the pain because god does she feel so good around him.

“MMmhm…”

“Oh, fuck Amy…”

He sinks all the way into her as her arms wrap around to hold him close, bare chests rising and falling against each other — and Jake doesn’t know how long they remain there in that position before Amy lifts her hips up — but, he does know that the feeling, god this feeling of being inside Amy, held close and encompassed by love, is nothing he’s ever felt before.

And Amy seems to feel the same, her eyes full of adoration, warm gaze that meets his as their foreheads rests against one another. Their breathing gets deeper and Jake reaches up to wipe a strand of hair sticking to her forehead, sliding to cup her cheek.

Then it almost gets too much and they’re both attacking each other’s lips, Amy moving her hips up in time to meet his slow, steady thrusts. She moans against his neck gripping his shoulders as he pumps in and slides out only to thrust back in. The sensation of her warmth enveloping him gets to much for him and he all but groans and gasps as she clenches around him.

“A-Ames…f-f—god, you—”

She moans, and throws her head back, allowing Jake to latch onto her neck, marking her and tasting her skin. He’s pumping into her steadily and gasps as she wraps her legs around his calves, and in what is probably one of the sexiest thing that’s happened inside, around and outside of Jake — she flips him over, his cock slipping out slightly but sinking back almost immediately as she straddles him.

“Ah—Amy,” he gasps and groans at the sight of her — flipping her hair back, the marks of his lips tattooed on her neck and chest, her tan skin and perfect breasts as she slides her fingers down his chest, “so fucking gorgeous—mmh…”  
Amy smiles at him and god she is absolutely killing him with how sweet and sexy she looks right now. She rolls her hips as he reaches to grip her hips, helping her move against him.

“Y-you—” she gasps as Jake jerks forward slightly, her nails scratching against his chest, her body bouncing, “you—ooh—you feels so goood— so— _fuck,_ so perfect, Jake oh my god I—shit, Jake—I’m —I—I…”

She’s panting and moaning as he feels her clenching, she feels so good and she looks so perfect but he wants to be closer to her, he wants to kiss her, love her —

“ _Oh, Jake…”_ she claws at his back as he sits up, the angle changing and causing both of them to moan loudly.

Then he’s kissing her and helping her move against him, their hands roaming each other, then she bites down on his neck as he feels her clench around him, and as he helps her move against him, he can feel himself coming closer and closer to the edge and my god Amy is wrapped around him, whisper against his ear, only stopping to kiss and nibble his earlobe and it’s all it takes to get him right to the edge and…

“Am-Amy mmm-m’close uh—f—“

She hums and holds his head close, against her chest and he feels her rapid heartbeat drumming in his ears — or is that his own?

“Me too, Jake uh—ah” she bites down on his neck and he absolutely loses it, releasing a strangled moan into her bare chest, she collapses against him, trembling as she continues moving her hips, riding out their orgasms together. He holds her against him, arms wrapped around Amy as her body crashes him into the mattress.

They’re a mess of limbs and sweat, dizzy with arousal and hazy sight as they come down from the incredible high. Her face is buried in his hair and her body is pressed into his face at an awkward angle that’s both titillating, and sort of causing him to lose access to oxygen. It takes everything in him to focus on her scent, try and steady his breathing so that he doesn’t lose his oxygen or suffocate or something dumb like that. Although if this is how he goes, he thinks, if the last thing he does is have sex with Amy and be suffocated by her boobs — well, not a bad way to go. And, maybe it’s the stupid hot sex they just had or the fact that Amy’s chest is pushed right into his face, but it only takes 30 seconds for Jake to release a muffled, strangled exhale and chokes against Amy.

“Oh my god, Jake I…” her voice is panicking and Jake hates himself immediately because he just ruined a completely intimate moment and now Amy is rolling off of him, and he’s both wheezing for air and whining at the loss of Amy’s warmth around him. Both sensations intense and one might just be more dumb than the other.

“Jake, shit, Jake I’m—are you—” she reaches over and her hand hovers over him stuttering as she figures out how help him, “I’m so sorry did I — are—fuck I,”

He opens his eyes and god he’s a little lightheaded but he sees those beautiful eyes darting around his face and as he takes a deep breath he swears she just takes it away right away with her beauty and so he reaches up to take her hand and pulls her down to kiss him.

Perhaps this is the most intimate moment shared. Amy hovers over him, returning the kiss, soft and slow before briefly pulling away — which, is probably for the best since Jake’s lungs are still fighting for air.

“Jake… _Jake…_ JAKE!”

He shakes his head out of a trance as Amy shakes his shoulder, realizing that he’s been staring blankly at her.

“Mm-w-whaa—?” He smiles dopily up at her reaches up to cup her cheek, “My god you’re gorgeous.”

Amy blushes and rolls her eyes and it’s all too familiar but all so new to him because this is real — he just had sex with Amy Santiago and if he dies now, he’ll die a happy man.

“Well, please don’t go dying on me now…” Jake’s eyes widen as he realizes he’s just voiced his thoughts out loud and he watches Amy with wide bug eyes as she sits up, her hand over his chest, tracing soft patterns,

“…I-I need you alive if I wanna see where—where this could go.”

_This._

This—this—them— is something he’s wanted, too.

“Me too, Ames.”

She smiles and leans down to kiss his cheek.

“Me too.”

Amy sighs and moves to get up—

“Where you going?”

She turns, looking over her shoulder and Jake, feeling extremely clingy right now — he’s just always clingy after sex okay? It has nothing to do with Amy and how much he um, is insanely in love with her so, yeah — he rolls over to where she is, wrapping his arms around her waist, trying to pull her back down.

The responding giggle is glorious and he vows to continue making her laugh like that for the rest of his life.

“Mmm, Jake I…” he’s now pressing his face into her side and she shifts to run her fingers through his hair and he hums, closing his eyes, “Jake, I’m just gonna go wash up — uhh…” Jake looks up at her, and she raises her eyebrows at him, “you should too — ” then glances down where he’s still wearing the condom and he groans sitting up with her, not wanting to let go of her, even for a minute.

“Fine.” She smirks at his pouting lips and he adds — “then can we cuddle?”

Amy gets up and he looks her up and down and shit if he weren’t so tired from The Day that he just had, he’d go for another round because _damn,_ Amy Santiago is an absolute Queen and Jake definitely doesn’t deserve her.

She’s still wearing the smirk but it’s matched with a soft affectionate look in her eyes and her fingers graze his cheek, he leans into her touch ever so slightly.

“Of course,” she whispers and then boops his nose before padding off to the bathroom and Jake watches her for a moment because, yeah, an absolute _Queen_.

Jake rolls over lazily, slipping the condom off and throwing it away before pulling his boxers back on and then falls back down onto the sheets with a wide grin plastered on his face. It hits him every five minutes that Amy Santiago actually loves him — and it’s kinda the best feeling in the world. He realizes now that his concept of love was so different to what he’s feeling now. Loving Jenny Gildenhorn, Sophia Perez — that pales in comparison to loving Amy. And for the first time _he_ feels loved.

“What are you all so smiley about huh?”

Jake lifts his head up to see Amy walking back towards the bed clad in one of his t-shirts riding up mid-thigh, her face make-up free and it’s incredible how she repeatedly takes his breath away and she’s just wearing a t-shirt but it’s kinda making him go crazy.

“Jake?”

She’s sliding into the bed and scooting towards him, so he lays back down and turns to look at her.

“Um I—” he reaches over, to caress her cheek, “I was thinking about you…” he runs a thumb against her jaw and she smiles, “and how I feel so lucky, how beautiful you are…” his hand slides down to her shoulder and plays with the fabric of _his_ t-shirt, “and how fucking sexy you look in my shirt.”

She throws her head back and laughs, and Jake only laughs along with her, moving closer and intertwining their legs together.

Amy shakes her head and wraps an arm around his torso, pulling herself into his embrace and Jake feels a warmth spread throughout his body.

“I can’t believe I just had sex with Amy Santiago.”

Disclaimer, Jake says this simply to hear her laugh again and _score,_ because it works and her lips are now vibrating against his chest and Jake’s heart is soaring indefinitely.

“I feel so lucky, too y’know.” She mumbles against his skin and then leans back slightly to look up at him, her fingers sliding into his curls.

“So, so lucky, Jake.”

She kisses his cheek, nose and forehead before whispering to him in a more serious tone, “I know today kinda sucked but—I-I’m glad I got to be there, I mean, I —thanks for letting be here. Just, I want you to now that you can count on me okay? I’ll be here.”

“Are you kidding Ames?” He breathes out and tightens his grip around her waist, bring her head to tuck under his chin, smiling as he feels her nuzzle her nose against his neck.

“You—you’re the best. I—thank you for being here. I’m—” he’s about to apologize for all his shit and then he realizes that _he doesn’t have to._ He doesn’t need to apologize to Amy because somehow, for some reason, Amy wants to be here. She wants to be there for him — all the mess and crazy that is his life. And so he opts for the words that have found a new meaning to him,

“I love you.”

He can feel her smile against him and she whispers an, “I love you too, Jake.”

And she sighs her hands tracing patterns against his back for a few minutes, in silence they revel in each other’s heartbeats, the quiet steady breathing and the touch of their skin. After awhile, just as Jake’s starting to fall asleep, she slides her hand down to his, and they interlock fingers.

“Goodnight, Jake.”

If he had to live more sucky, soul-crushing days, but got to cuddle with Amy, got to hear her whisper goodnight to him at the end of the day, then, he thinks, everything might just be okay.

“Goodnight, Ames.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please please give feedback! I'm not sure if that was too smut, not enough plot? or vice versa? let me know what you think!
> 
> I promise I won't wait a month to post the next one -- this chap was a little harder to write 😅  
> THANK YOU for reading!!!! 🥰🥰
> 
> (Oh, and unfortunately this fic is coming to an end soon -- 2, maybe 3 more chapters but that's flexible, we'll see, let me know!)


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